My super photogenic family...

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My God takes care of me!

My God takes care of me...

This I know, because everytime I think we're struggling financially, God reminds me that He's taking care of it, and He always provides with everything that we need, and then some. I do not want to take for granted that we live so much more comfortably than I ever did growing up. We always have food on the table, and a roof over our heads. Our cupboards are not full of only bright yellow no-name boxes, and we've never had to make a trip to any food bank. We're able to provide my daughter with things I never had, and her and I are able to experience things I never thought I would.

My God takes care of me...

This I know, because everytime my back is killing me, God revitalizes me with faith, in remembering that He blesses this pregnancy, and that He is bigger than any physical problem. I do not want to take for granted that besides my hip problem, I am feeling great. I have been blessed to have a wonderful pregnancy, with a supporting husband that loves me. He's given me the ability to carry life, so I know He must be taking care of my back.

My God takes care of me...

This I know, because for the longest time I thought that my relationship with my daugher's birth father was beyond repair, and I was destined to walk a road of suffering for my sin. I now look at all God has done and stand amazed. I never want to take for granted all that is now possible in our relationship, the freedom, kindness and mercy.

I never thought there would come a day where I would pray for him, and anticipate God's move in his life. I know that God was taking care of me even then, because I see His fingerprints through it all.

My God takes of me...

This I know, because He has blessed me with a wonderful blood family that serve Him, and that are always open and willing to serve eachother. I do not want to take for granted that I can call of them at anytime, because I know there are many out there who are alone, without a caring and loving family to remind them that they are unconditionally loved and accepted. My family helps me out with everything imaginable, if I needed the shirt off their back they'd give it to me. How amazing is that?

My God takes care of me...

This I know, because everytime I stray from His path, He gently nudges me in the right direction, never holding my sin against me. Even when I've left for a long while, He always welcomes me back with open arms, ready to start right where we left off. I do not want to take for granted the salvation I've found in Him. He did not have to come and rescue me that night, He did not have to open my eyes to His truth, He did not have to die for me, but He did. Many times I forget that the road is very straight and very narrow, and not many find it.

More times than I'd like, I do take these things for granted and overlook my many blessings. But I'm so glad that God took care of me when He sent His Son to die on the cross, so that my doubt can be forgiven, and replaced with a grace to move forward in His calling for my life. I'm so glad that God does not count my doubts against me, and that He still moves in me, even when my attitude does not deserve it.

May you be reminded of your blessings today, and count them with joy.

A death in the kitchen...

My cheap, ten dollar toaster bit the dust last night.

May he rest in the peace of knowing, that we will buy a much better toaster this time around.

10 simple pleasures...

I've been tagged by Crystal :)

1. Knowing and walking in my identity in Christ, taking hold of my God given authority and watching my faith move mountains

2. Watching my husband grow and mature in the Lord, in who he is as a man of God, as a husband and a father

3. Watching my little girl grow up, serve others, learn about who Jesus is and who she is as a little daughter of the king who has the heart of a lion, seeing her overcome fear

4. Having the gift to hear a song flow out of my mouth and hands that could only come from the power of the Holy Spirit, playing it for others and being able to watch God move in their hearts and lives

5. Having the ability to carry a life inside me, watching my tummy grow, watching everyone around me be so happy and supportive

6. Watching my parents grow in wisdom and love, watching them become more and more in love with eachother, and growing in who God created them to be

7. Knowing in the back of my mind that God is able to take care of us in all things, if I let Him

8. Listening to my husband sing (he's tone deaf, and I love him for it)

9. Having a laugh attack with my sister

10. Watching my littlest neice learn all about the world around her, seeing in her eyes that she understands what I'm saying, finding joy in seeing her heart being trained to walk in obedience

Just can't stop there!

11. Saskatoon Asian vietemese rolls
12. Watching a movie until my hubby comes home at night
13. Milk, Milk, Milk
14. Suntanning
15. Coffee and Iced Cappuccino 's from Tim's
16. Toe rings, flip flops and tank tops
17. The notes my hubby leaves me every morning
18. Long shirts
19. Getting the white diamond on a level of Crash Bandicoot for Playstation
20. Bright colored band-aids

Sorry, I cheated, but I'm way too long winded for just ten! :)

Pics to enjoy...

Me impatiently awaiting my ultrasound...

One of our many swim days at Lakewood...

My two roomies being video game retards...

One thumb one thumb druming on a drum, dum dee dee dum dee dee dum dum dum...

Mini-me using her face as a sticker book...

My daughter did a face plant in the cement the day before my sister-in-laws wedding....

she was the flower girl...

Me and my Faithfulness... La la la la...

My two brother-in-laws...

My sister-in-law...

My little Granny with the cracks...

and last and definately least...

My stupid lizard...

My Little One...

My baby's house is now about the size of a small melon. My hubby and I especially love to feel it in the morning, when it's pushed up by my full bladder. Of course I can only handle so many pokes and prods before I need to run to the bathroom. Baby is about 5 inches and 5 ounces. Baby's body is now growing faster than the head. Baby has finger prints and toe prints, and temporary hair. Baby can suck his or her thumb, swallow amniotic fluid and pass it as urine (so neat, but a little weird that there's a little one making pee inside me), and make practice breathing movements. Baby's bones are getting harder and stronger. So excited, to be a new mom, to give birth to my husbands first child, and to give my daughter the greatest gift ever.

Still here.......
It's funny how I love reading all of your fresh posts, but post nothing fresh of my own. :)
Am still growing in all the joys of pregnancy. I've officially grown out of all of my pants. It's silly how over and over I would try them on thinking, maybe today they'll fit. Talk about a recipe for frustration. So they're outta here. I'm enjoying the wonderful weather outside, because I've been able to bring out the wrap around skirts. So comfy. My clothes situation has been cause for a lot of frustration. There's no worse feeling for me than waking up every single morning, walking over to your closet and having nothing to wear, because nothing fits. Over and over I've had to take this to God, and be reminded that I am truly blessed with all that I have. He has porvided me with all that I have needed, I love that He cares about all those little things, if I just ask Him. I still can't get enough milk. Didn't know milk was this darn good! Am also craving fruit, and what a great thing to crave, in more ways than one if you know what I mean. I can remember times being in the bathroom and calling my hubby, whinning that I was going to die in there. Glad those days are over. Is amazing how everyone turns expert overnight when it comes to pregnancy. It's so fun to grow my patience while listening to someone who has no kids tell me everything I need to know and then some.
Family life is great these days. My hubby and I have been spending a lot of time together, and it's been really fun. We've decided to not allow anything else on our plates for a while, it seems we've not let anything pass us that we've not said no to in a long time. My daughter and I are thouroughly enjoying the weather, and have been spending a lot of time outside. She made a new friend from upstairs, praise God. They get along so well and it's amazing to watch her grow in serving.
God continues to grow my heart for Him. He's been closing doors and opening new ones. He's been growing relationships and building trust. I love that I serve a risen Lord, who loves me, who talks to me, who listens to me, and who cares about each and every little thing that matters to me. This weekend has been a real good reminder of all those things.
I hope and pray that all is well with all of you. Have a great day :)

What God is teaching me today...

"The best things is life are free,

but you can give them to the birds and bees,

Now gimme money! That's what I want!"

~The Beatles~

The more God is teaching us about finances, the more I realize how little I know. Money is such a god in our society, a god that I serve more often than I'd like to admit. I've developed the attitude that I'm an owner of what God has entrusted to me, instead of His manager.

"Not every man can carry a full cup. Sudden elevation frequently leads to pride and a fall.

The most exacting test of all to survive is prosperity"

~Oswald Chambers~

sleeping in a whole new world....

I'm now pregnant enough to be getting up at 3 am for a middle of the night milk craving and a quick pee. My hubby and I decided that once I started getting up regularly that we would switch sleeping sides on our bed, as he's closer to the door. So last night was our first trial run, and neither of us got any sleep. I must have knocked the night stand 3 or 4 times with my hand, and he kept rolling waaaaaay over to what was clearly "my space". At one point he wrapped his big long leg around me like I was his body pillow. I quickly shoved him off and replied with a very non-cuddly HEY!!! He takes his leg off and says, well sweetie, can you move over please? I look over my side, and I'm on the seam of the mattress. Move over where? Yeesh....
However, how nice is it to have a hubby who still uses his best manners at 3 am.

Happy Birthday to the best hubby ever!

My hubby is amazing. He takes such good care of me, he keeps me in line, and he keeps me safe. He loves me despite my many faults, and he always does his best to make me feel like a princess. He's the best father. He loves our daughter as his own, and shows and teaches her things I never could. He takes her places I would never go, and encourages and praises her the way a little girl needs to be from her daddy. He is a true man of God. His straight and narrow walk never ceases to amaze me. His heart for serving and giving is never ending, and his obedience is something to admire and look up to. I love him so much. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have no idea where I would be without him. I am so blessed that God chose me to be his wife. Happy Birthday!

My Saturday with my family....

On your marks...

Get set.....

CANNONBALL!!!

end result...

Conclusion....

going for our annual family hotel stay, with pizza and junk food, watersliding and swimming, and of course making a big mess you don't have to clean up,

Rocks.

Little One update

My uterus is now a little bigger than a grapefruit. Baby weighs about 1 1/2 ounces, and is about the size of an apple. The eyes are moving closer together, and the ears are positioning themselves on the side of baby's head. Fingers and toes have soft nails covering them and the hands have become more functional. Inside baby's mouth, taste buds have developed, as has the sucking reflex, and twenty buds that will one day be little baby teeth.

True friends stab you in the front.

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they're not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they're not so bad.

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.

When I look back at the friendships I've had in the past, I wonder how on earth I ever got through highschool. Oh yeah, I didn't.

Surfaced friends, who would take great pleasure in getting in trouble with me, but would never care enough to tell me to smaten up when I needed to. A lot of my friends watched me hurt myself, over and over, but never asked me how I was. I was always surrounded by people, but I was always alone.

When I see the friends God has blessed me with today, I am overwhelmed. What could I have possibly ever done to deserve the abundant blessings I find in my friendships. It is the love of Christ Jesus that binds our hearts together, and it's His mercy and forgiveness that keeps us alive. A real friend asks how you are, and then waits for the answer. A real friend gets in your way when they see you heading down. A real friend knows who you are, and still loves you! I love that my friends will correct me when I'm off track, and encourage me when I'm on the right one. I love that my friends love me too much to watch me hurt myself, to watch me sin, or to watch me sink into doubt. I need all of you. I need your correction, even when it hurts, I need your wisdom and your encouragement, I need your laughs and your prayers. Blessings, thank God for your friends today :)

Random facts, idiosyncrasies, thoughts and stupidities...

I am 9 weeks pregnant with my husband's first child. I love sandals, tank-tops and tanning. I had a pierced tongue, eyebrow, nose and lip. My husband and I dated in highschool. My mom once put a slice of cheese in one of my friends shoes. The friend did not find this funny. I did.

I grew up listening to Offspring, Dance Mix 93' and up and all the classic blues like B.B King and Stevie Ray Vaughn. I used to want to be a rock star at Bud's on Broadway. I failed biology twice. I dyed my hair fire engine red for my grandpa's funeral. I no longer have a toenail on my left pinky toe, from ripping it out by the root so many times. My daughter 'sings' her thoughts and comments. My dad litterally kicked my butt all the way home after I'd ran away. I hate the smell and appearance of ground beef, but I eat it.

My husband can't sit still and always jumps at least twice after putting his coat on. I grew up with a hampster named Tobi. We over fed him and he died of a heartattack. I love daisies. I love black appliances. I kill plants. I love Seinfeld. I dropped out of school in grade 8, then again in grade 11. I got my GED results back when I came home from my honeymoon. I passed!

I totalled my sister-in-law's car. My husband has totalled more cars than anyone can count. My mom got arrested for unpaid parking tickets. I sometimes snort when I laugh. I don't floss. I drool in my sleep. I got a trophie in a keyboard competition with my cousin. I've never broken any bones. I share an apartment with a big boy, a little girl and a spikey lizard.

I used to hide in the dryer when playing hide and seek with my sis. I kick butt at Mortal Kombat 1&2 and Mario Kart for Super Nintendo. I used to write notes to my friends in highschool and fold them in little squares and triangles. I used to have a crush on Billy Corgan from Smashing Pumpkins. I love to dance. One time my mom rolled up little pieces of paper and put them in my tunafish sandwich. I ate it.

My sister was always full of useful information, like how to inhale when you're smoking at the age of 8. I always thought that my hubby and his family were too good for me. I pierced two holes in my ear with a blunt earring. I got pregnant with my daughter when I was 16. She is the joy of my life.

I have lower back problems. I witnessed the birth of both my nieces. I don't like Valentine's Day. I like playing pool, singing, walking and laughing. I got fired from Pharmasave. One time my husband threw me into a set of metal shelves with a plush chair when we were fooling around in Zellers. My daughter likes to play Barbie's. I lack imagination.

My sister and I laughed so hard once that we both puked. I used to pick my boogers and stick them under my mattress. I used to want to move to Calgary and busk on the streets. I used to want to be a social worker. I used to think Humpty's was the coolest hang-out. I used to litter. I think getting a tatoo is silly. I have one.

I haven't seen my natural hair color in ten years. I don't think I ever will. My favorite vegetable is broccoli. I got my phone cut off just before I got married. My hubby and I didn't exchange Christmas gifts this year. I liked Steve better than Joe on Blue's Clue's. My dad gave me an appreciation for all types of music, except country.

I can't wait to see all the new things God has in store for me and family. I can't wait to be blessed with a house. I hurt for women who don't know their worth. I love my husband so much, and somedays wonder how I got to be so lucky. I love my church family. I wouldn't trade my parents for anyone. I wouldn't trade my upbringing for any perfect white picket fence home. I love that Jesus saved me in the midst of heartache, and gave me forgiveness for the most horrible things. And I love how everyday His mercies are new for me. His grace is sufficient for me. His peace surpasses all understanding. Thanks to all you girls who started this, it was fun!

emotional chaos

Have been so flipping emotional it's not even funny......well, yeah it is.

Friday I spent most of my morning sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor bawling my eyes out, then spent a good portion of the afternoon in bed bawling my eyes out. When I finally built up enough strength to get up, I went over to the kitchen to wipe off some of my daughter's place mats that she had painted on. As I wiped the paint off I noticed I was wiping off the finish from the placemat. I felt at that very moment that everyone I knew had just died, and that I was all alone. The placemat was wrecked, and it was the end of my world as I knew it.

Saturday evening I was driving with my hubby in the snow and wind, and the road were slick. Now I'm not a nervous driver. Driving is fun! I'm the kind to actually giggle at people (like my mom) who clench their steering wheel until their knuckles are white, and drive like a snail when the weather is acting up a little. I wonder how people like that can keep their sanity when they feel so uptight. Well, I think I got a taste of how they must feel. I felt so overwhelmed with everything going on around me that I burst into tears. I felt claustrophobic in our little car, I felt like I couldn't see anything, I felt like everyone was driving 1000 mph, and that the wind was going to flip the car over. What's going on??

So the last few days have been a blur, with chronic fatigue and emotional chaos, I can barely tell you what I did yesterday. My hubby has been amazing and very supportive. He's always been encouraging to me even at those monthly times, letting me know that's the way God made me, and that he loves the way I am. Awwwww......don't make me cry.

Just when I think I have no tears left, my body lets me know otherwise. I hope this doesn't make some of you want to steer clear of me. I'm still fun!!! I swear!

"wild-cow" and "dweller by lime trees"

Recently, we've found ourselves expecting the glorious arrival of another child. Our second addition, but our first experience of bringing life into this world together. It's been such an exciting time for us and our family members, as we embark on a new season in our lives, in our marriage, and in our family. What a blessing it is to be able to conceive a new life, with my very best friend in the whole world. I don't want a day to pass where I am not truly thankful for this opportunity, although I'm sure I'll have my moments. (I do know my fair share of some of the things pregnancy has to offer! And being in my third trimester in the thick of summer might be cause for some groaning.)

In other news, my daughter gets a double blessing. Her birth dad and his finace are also expecting, and are due a month before me! What an amazing blessing for my daughter! Their pregnancy has opened doors to restoration of our relationship. Hearts have been softened and walls are being broken down. I am so blessed to be able to stand back and watch God show off, and basically hand everything over that I have ever asked for and more! For years I have had a burning desire to be fighting together and not against eachother. It truly is a miracle to see how God has changed my heart in these last years. I am able to pray now from a new heart, and bless my daughter as she goes away, as I know His destiny for her is far greater than my human eyes can see.

My husband passed his mutual fund exam Praise God! He will now be able to move into a whole new level in his business, which will bless our family so much. I'm loving watching him grow into this amazing business man, striving to serve God in his workplace. I remember his first day, when he left the house in a suit and tie (a novelty that wore off long ago for him). We giggled at how old and profesional he looked. Like as if he was an adult or something. Weird.

My days seem to pass by quicker than ever, because I've been feeling so tired. I've had no morning sickness hallelulia! But everyday I feel like I'm running a marathon. My apartment would sure tell you differently by the way it looks these days. It's neat to know that my body is working overtime to lay the foundation of a new human life.

Have my pregnancy "bible" (What to expect when you're expecting) as well a name book by my bedside every night. It's been fun to go through new names with my hubby, and come across those names that have real funny meanings. Leah (although a very beautiful name) means "wild-cow", and Lyndon (another nice name) means "dweller by lime trees". Who decides these things anyway? We've come up with quite the list so far. We're keeping it hush hush until we can narrow it down.

We still have all our long distance phone calls to make to all the relatives. And my hubby's dad has been out of town all this time, so he'll get his surprise tomorrow! Can't wait to take the cat out of the bag one last time, what a rush it is!

Many many blessings to you all!

-Nin

Guess what?

I'm Carrying Life!

Thought this was funny, just had to share.....

You know you're in 2006 when:

1. You accidently enter your password into the microwave
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries
7. You communicate with your kids through text messages and answering machine messages
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20-30 years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go get it
9. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee
10. You start tilting your head to smile :)

So funny.....so true

I've been tagged by Moose!

7 Things I would like to do before I die:

1. Become more like the Proverbs 31 woman :)
2. Have more kids
3. See what my grandchildren look like
4. Travel, tons, to Europe and such
5. Own a house that we've been able to completely renovate
6. Produce a finished product of my demo cd
7. Watch my children walk in their purpose and faith that can move mountains

7 things I can’t do (yet) :

1. Skate
2. Make it till noon without a headache if I don't have my coffee
3. Run very far without getting real tired
4. Watch fear factor without getting seriously frustrated with the contestant's stupidity
5. Touch anyones feet
6. Be at the top of a ladder and not be scared
7. Be ignorant of the truth, no matter how hard I may try sometimes ;)

7 things that attract me to blogging:

1. I use my blog as a journal to not only encourage others but encourage myself. Many times I find myself reading my own previous posts, to remind me of what God has shown me, and to see the prayers that have been answered
2. I love writting!
3. I have an opportunity to meet other people from around the world
4. I'm able to see people's hearts expressed in honesty and transparency, a beautiful thing!
5. I get encouragement from fellow believers, we can share struggles victories and laughs :)
6. It's yet another place to hang out with my church family
7. It's a way to stay in touch when things get so busy

7 things I say most often:

1. For Pete's sake!
2. Holeeeeee!
3. As if
4. Totally
5. Tabeebeeness!!!!
6. Chris stop that!
7. I'm sorry

7 books I love:

There's no way I can think of 7!

1. The Bible
2. Anything Calvin and Hobbes
3. This day we fight (by Francis Frangepane)
4. The YadaYada Prayer group
5. I don't read
6. Crossword Puzzles
7. I don't read

7 movies I watch over and over:

1. Bruce Almighty
2. Riding in cars with boys
3. How to lose a guy in 10 days
4. Adventures in babysitting
5. Coming to America
6. The Italian Job
7. 13 going on 30

7 people I want to join in too (you been tagged!)

-Lighthouse Forever
-Worship Warrior
-Living by Faith
-Me my thoughts and I
-Mad and restless
-Walking again
-God is in control

Bringing in the New Year with a few nuts......

Silly String........

Silly Hats......

Can't think of a better place to be than with my crazy family. My uncle brought some fireworks to add some spark to our evening, and my dad taught us all how to play poker like the pros.....

My sister schooled us all.....

A tiny but slightly violent pillow fight resulted in two big bowls of chips on the floor.....

But that was a small mess compared to the confetti all over the floor, not to mention in the lungs......

This morning we all slept in, then me, my hubby and daughter went to check out the centennial gathering at Archibald park. We teamed up with my hubby's family and made a snow sculpture of the centennial 100 logo. It was a blast.....

Look at us go! ........

2006.......Wow. So many changes, and so many things to look forward to. As the time seems to fly by, I want to remember where I came from, and always appreciate how far the love of my Lord has brought me. Many many blessings to you as you embark on this new year!

You know you grew up in the 80's if......

You ever ended your sentence with "psych"

You can sing the rap to "the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air"

You solved the Rubics cube.....by peeling off the stickers

Three words: M.C. Hammer

You can sing the entire theme song! to "Duck Tales"

The crypt keeper really freaked you out

You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school

You wore a Jordache jean jacket and you were proud of L.A. GEAR

Your mother wouldn't let you have garbage pail kids

You remember reading "Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing" and all the Ramona books

You wanted to be a Goonie

You still get the urge to use "NOT" at the end of every statement you make

You remember the craze, and then the banning of slap bracelets

You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off

You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged "friendship bracelets"

You remember Popples, Rainbow Bright and MY Little Pony

You remember the beginning of New Kids on the Block, and you had a favorite.......

A Festivus for the Rest of Us!

Happy Holidays, Seasons Greetings, Warm Wishes.........Ok I'll just say it.........Happy Festivus!
The traditions of Festivus are quite simple. Festivus is celebrated on the 23rd of December. An aluminum pole is used on place of the Christmas tree. (To all my Seinfeld fans, you can acutally buy these poles online!) Everyone participates in what is called "the airing of grievances", which is basically giving everyone a piece of your mind, and expressing how much everyone has dissapointed you over the year. And finally, the "Feats of Strength", Festivus is not over until the head of the household is wrestled to the floor and "pinned."

Man, I have been feeling so overwhelmed with all the choas of Christmas, that I have seriously contemplated celebrating Festivus.........well, not seriously. But come on, if we're not focused on something meaningful during this season, a.k.a. God's heart, then why not celebrate a pointless holiday? As I've been seeking God's heart for my family, I've been seeing many go through the motions of Christmas, just like a routine. Everyone sings songs about Jesus the Son of God, but then carry on with their life of sin, not acutally making Jesus lord over anything. We exchange gifts, all the while expecting certain things, and if we don't get them, we're dissapointed. Maybe we truck off to all the "Stuff-Marts" on boxing day and buy them ourselves, as well as many other material things that we don't need. Am I dampering your Christmas spirit yet?

My hubby and I were driving around looking at Christmas lights on Christmas eve. We had the radio playing Christmas music. Talk about a nice 'Christmas mood' to get us into the "spirit" of things. So this song comes on by a secular artist, I think it was called "Make it Christmas day". The chorus of the song is, "get down on your knees and pray, He is the Son of God, if only for a day......make it Christmas day...." How incredibly twisted. This is not a pleasing sacrifice at all. Just one day eh? hmmmm.......am I sure I can give a day to the one who gave His life for me? I'll check my books.

Please do not allow my rants and raves to burden you. My hubby and I have felt a huge calling on us, to move in a different direction regarding the biggest holiday in the world, Christmas. I'm not trying to say that Christmas is bad, but like anything, the enemy can take something and make it self-centered, to take our eyes off the one true God. I am sick of how I get swept off my feet by the idea of stuff, food and more stuff......and more food. And like anything, we want to follow after God's heart, not ours.
"Jesus came so that sin would be defeated. Jesus came so that all may come to repentance. Jesus came to die. We focus so much on Christ 'coming' but I think we forget that the reason he came is because there are people that are condemned to Hell if they do not repent. " -(Quote from In search of Truths latest post)
I know everyone likes the idea of a baby, laying sweetly asleep in a manger, all cuddly, all content. But what about what He came here to do? To die a horrible death on a cross, a death we were destined to! As I go around for our seasons gatherings to my hubby's unbelieving family, I see our calling, right in front of me, but I get sidetracked, and distracted with all that the enemy want to blind us with. Christmas comes but once a year, better cash in on what it has to offer....... Well what do we have to offer to the King of Kings? I believe God has created us all to have something very specific and very unique and special to give at this time. I want to seek God's heart for me, will you join me?

I'm not a plant person. I have no interest in knowing what their names are, what they specifically need, and what they are succeptable to. I do know that all plants are different, and all have different needs. Some need direct sunlight while others would be harmed by direct light. Some need to be watered lots others not, some need lots of room to grow their roots and others thrive when rootbound. But this is all I know. Plants add life to my living room, so I like having them around, but I have to say I do a very poor job in caring for them. Many times I find that they want to die, to be put out of their misery, but I will revive them back to life, only to torture them some more. I don't really care about their needs, I just want my living room to look nice.
I was watering my plants this morning, and found that I had let them down once more. My hubby bought me one a while back and it's looking pretty sad. My mother-in-law gave me a couple plants last year, and neither survived the desert environment I gave them. I'm pretty sure she won't be giving me any plants again. I've proven myself untrustworthy.
So what is God like? He has proven Himself to be faithful, always. He knows my name. He knows my every need. He knows when my needs change, and knows what I'm prone and succeptable to. He knows when to give me light, and when to bring me darkness. He knows when I need a transplant, and is always gentle in doing so. He is always there as the very source of my life. He cares for me very well, and cares about me very much.
He will not let me die, even in a desert time, He is still there with water, it is up to me to drink. And at those times when I choose my own way, and I choose to not drink of Him, He will always be waiting with the water pitcher, to revive me back to life. It is me who poorly cares for myself, but my care-giver knows my name. He's a plant expert.

umm...excuse me? I need to get OFF the E.A.C.

I've been feeling slightly disconnected with the outside world. I feel like I've been sucked into the 'East Australian Curren't from 'Finding Nemo'. Life is passing me by, my friends, my family, and here I am on this crazy ride, fully capable of getting off, but, not. Why do we get so easily sucked into the "busy" mentality of this season? What is it about December that says we have to run around like chickens with no heads, aimlessly searching for our heads, so that we look and feel busy, but really, we're just headless chickens. I'm not minimizing all the tasks that we all have to do, half the stuff that's been weighing me down is very real, and needs to get done. But where is the peace and rest?
I've been looking around at the relationships in my life, and asking the Lord what it is I'm supposed to be doing in them, and asking myself if I am in fact walking that out. God has placed some specific people on my heart to build and seed into, and part of me is trying to turn a deaf ear. How much easier is it to stay in my comfort bubble, and hang out with the cool people I already know. But what about those who are stumbling? Who have no family and friends? Who are barely making it, let alone thriving in their destiny. It's for these people that God has taught me what I know to this point. It's for these people that I've gone through all the trials, all the hardships, all the testing. My daughter and I have been learning about butterflies, and how much they parallel with our spiritual walk. After they come out of their coccoon, they have only a couple weeks to live. During those couple weeks, the have one sole purpose, to find a mate and reproduce itself before it's too late. To whom am I reproducing God's grace? In all the busyness and all the chaos, all the running around with my head cut off, to whom am I building into? I mean really building into?? I wish I had a better answer than I have.
May I not impart this busy mentality to my children. May this season, and life as a whole be about serving and giving. I've been so selfish, not wanting anyone to rain on what I had planned. Since when do God's plans fit into a perfectionist's box? I know from personal experience, never. If I want my Christmas tree to look like a display tree from Sears, fine. But not my life, especially not at Christmas. There's people out there who need me, right now, and I need to throw out my perfect arangements, and show them a servant heart.

"Oh I can be loose................ see?"
-Eddie Murphy, 'Coming to America'

CHOOSE

My hubby has this sign up on our ceiling above our bed. It says "CHOOSE". I believe God has been teaching us for a long time what that means. And it's only been in the last while that I wake up to see the sign and actually understand what it means to walk in choice.
Last year, something incredible happened to my hubby and I. We had gone Christmas shopping all day, dropped hundreds of dollars, and at the end of the night, we stopped off at my parents house to pick up some things before heading home. When we got back into our car, we realized someone had been in it. Our cd's and our faceplate had been stolen. My hubby reluctently popped the trunk, where the hundreds of dollars worth of presents were tucked away. We looked inside to trunk to find that they were gone. As we drove away in utter shock and dismay, a complete divine thought came to me. The Holy Spirit ministered to me in a supernaturel way. He said, you have a choice, right now. I looked over at my husband, and voiced those words to him. We sat in silence for a while, and in unity, decided to choose faith.
Now, had it not been for God's abounding grace, there is no way that I could've walked that out, and even now, there are still more times than not, that I fall and give in to fear and doubt. But God has used this story for us to fall back on, to be encouraged by what comes out of following in faith and obedience. I trust that what happened to us last year was not about us. It spoke to all of our non-christian family, the faithfulness of God. It was a testimony of trust, a testimony that would not have been seen to the same degree had that not happened to us. It was also something that was used to build up the body, and to encourage our brothers and sisters that God is faithful, and that His body is amazing. The next day, an annonymous brother gave us a card that held money inside. We didn't need to ask who it came from, because we knew it was from God.
God got the glory in that situation. Unfortunately I don't give Him the glory in all situations, but I want to walk in that direction. The enemy always tries to tell me that I don't have a choice. That what's happening around me is out of my control, so I might as well complain and pout, or at bare minimum, entertain thoughts of self pity. Just the other day, another jab was made at me in my personal battle ground. I reacted out of anger and frustration. I went right back to my old ways of thinking, and fell right into the enemy's trap. Luckily my husband was able to recognize my sin, and was bold enough to point it out. "Snap out of it! Get up! You're healed! You're new!" (*revised with my own words, my hubby is a little more gentle) I'm so glad the Holy Spirit corrected me, as much as it was annoying, it was relieving. I do not want to go back down that road. I walked that road for so long, and it sucked the life right out of me. I used so much energy and strength on being mad, that I had nothing left for God, and in turn, He had nothing for me. I have a choice, everyday, every moment. I will make wrong choices, but I will get back up, and carry on with endurance to run this race we call life.
What I have learned through the awful thing that happened last year, is that the cross roads is now, not later. I always want to give into my flesh, just for a little bit, before I choose to walk in faith. Let me say, if that's the way we choose to walk, we are not choosing faith. To choose faith means you will not give in, you will not bow down, you turn your eyes up, now. This fallen world wants us to believe that we have rights. We have the right to give in to our sinful nature, and harbor thoughts of resentment and anger, we have the right to act out of immaturity for a short time, because of what has happened to us. I thought I had these rights, until I realized how much my thoughts conflicted with what the word says. Jesus says quite the opposite to us, and He requires us to pick up our cross no matter what the cost. He died to me, He shed His blood for my sins. He requires alot more of me than I'd like to admit sometimes. But the amazing thing is, is that I do not have to rely on my sinful self to walk it out. All I have to do is choose Him, and He does the rest.