Monday, July 31, 2006

pregnancy sighs...

Don't remember the last time I experienced a full nights uninterupted sleep. I seem to wake every hour, for either toilet callings, back pain, general physical uncomforatableness, and more back pain. I know it's normal to get a lot less sleep as the time gets closer, you're big you're heavy and baby is taking up and using everything you need to sleep well, but since my back pain started back when we concieved, I've been having poor sleeps for a lot longer than the average pregnancy brings on. Sometimes my back cramps up real bad, to the point where I can't even roll over to my other side, so I get out of bed and walk it off. Yes, I wander around the apartment at odd hours, walking back and forth, up and down, from room to room. Finally when it's feeling a little better I get back into bed and lay there with my eyes wide open, wide awake. It's bringing back memories of when I had insomnia, and I would lay in bed and look at my husband, feeling tremendous jealousy of him laying there so peacefully. At times feeling impish and wanting to wake him up, so he can share in your misery. Although, my hubby has his share of complaints. Since I move around and get up so much, he doesn't rememeber the last time he has a good nights sleep either. Not to mention all the times he has to get up to get me something. He's become enemies with my body pillow, as it takes up most of his room. Add a large growing wife to that body pillow and hubby is left with negative sleeping room. Sigh....
People say the silliest things when you're pregnant. "Wow you're getting BIG!" is always a good one, but my personal favorite is,
"So when are you due?"
" you still have a ways to go yet."
"yeah".......................SMACK! Like I forgot. Thank you for bringing me back to reality, there would be nothing worse than me believing the lie that I'm almost there...... -lol ahhh!
Anyways, this is my life. Be blessed, God is good!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship with another

Baby seems we never ever agree
You like the movies
And I like T.V.
I take things serious
And you take 'em light
I go to bed early
And you party all night
Our friends are sayin'
We ain't gonna last
Cuz I move slowly
And baby I'm fast
I like it quiet
And I love to shout
But when we get together
It just all works out
who'd a thought we could be lovers
She makes the bed
And he steals the covers
She likes it neat
And he makes a mess
I take it easy
Baby I get obsessed
She's got the money
And he's always broke
I don't like cigarettes
And I like to smoke
Things in common
there just ain't a one
But when we get together
We have nothin' but fun
Baby ain't it somethin' How we lasted this long
You and me Provin' everyone wrong
Don't think we'll ever Get our differences patched
Don't really matter Cuz we're perfectly matched
We come together cuz opposites attract
~Paula Abdul~
It seems that more and more everyday, I'm learning that my husband and I probably couldn't be more different from eachother if we tried. We serve the same amazing God, we share the same love for one another, we share the same love for our wonderful daughter, and we share in the miracle of the creation of the new life inside me. But take all those things away and you're left with nothing but one black and one white. I find it so amazing how God has placed us together, He knew all the things that I lack and need, I would find in my husband. And He knew that all the things my husband lacks and needs, he would find in me. Taking it one step further, He knew the needs and lacks of my family, and that my husband would bring a new balance to them. Just as I bring a new balance to the lacks and needs in his family. My husband has tightened my screws so I wouldn't fall apart, and I've loosened him up, that that he won't crack or break under pressure. We've both grown so much in what it means and looks like to be a servant of the Lord to one another. I look back at the way things looked like when we first got married, and thank God everyday that He brought us through those hard times. We used our differences against eachother, instead of building eachother up, or using them to move forward in ways we were unable to before we had one another. I came across this quote this morning.
"Opposites attract, but after marriage, opposites attack. Most of the time, we are attracted to people who don't have the things that we have. Incompatibility is why we get married in the first place, but it's also used as a reason to divorce. "
~ by Dr. Charles Lowery ~
I can't help but have an aching heart for those struggling in their marriages because they've been blinded by the enemy to think that our differences with our spouses are a bad thing, something to be defensive against or in opposition to. Dr. Lowery goes on to say,
"Incompatibility is just a lack of communication. If we just try to love our spouse the way we want to be loved, we are in trouble. Unless you communicate, it's difficult to know how to love another person."
Our society has become so selfish when it comes to love. It is no longer about serving one another, but about self gratification. Roaming around this world, trying to find the 'right' person that will make 'me' happy, that will be all that I want them to be, so that I can be fulfilled and satisfied, so that my dreams and goals can be fulfilled. It's ok if they want to have their own dreams and goals, just as long as they don't conflict with mine, in which case I'd have to go and find someone better suited for my needs.
I know, this sounds awful, but this is exactly how most people in our world are taught to think. "There is always a way out if it's not meant to be." Heaven forbid we pour ourselves into working hard, into doing whatever it takes, nah.....that requires something of me, commitment.
I've been aching for the marriage of someone close to me. Without the knowledge of the love and grace of God in their lives, I wonder how they will press through, when the advice they're receiving is that if worse comes to worse, there is a way out. And really, if it wasn't "meant to be", you don't want to go against 'fate' as it would be waste of time.
So sad....
I need your prayers. My husband and I want to be a light in this dark time, but there's been a wall built up, and these loved ones have pulled away. I find it very difficult to have a relationship with someone who hides themselves, who keeps their trials in secret, and doesn't reveal their true heart. We've not been placed in a position where we feel we can speak into their lives, and it hurts to see them hurting so much when I know there is so much more for them.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ~
How could one even try to walk these things out without the power of God behind them? It's not possible. These things go against our very nature as human beings. We are not programmed this way, we are selfish and sinful. Please pray for us as we seek the Lord on what our role should look like in this time, and that we walk obediently to His will and not ours. Blessings, and may God be with you in your marriage today, and pour down His love and mercy.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

There is a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path...

Wise words...
It's always neat to get a big dose of solid biblical truth from a multi-million dollar blockbuster hit movie. I'm sure it puts a smile on God's face when He watches many walk away from a Hollywood film more in tune to His heart without even knowing it.
I've been pondering on this truth the last little bit. I've been feeling a little off balance in my relationships lately. Back around Christmas time, God led me and my husband into a season of rest. He directed us to remove many of the things on our plates at the time, and concentrate a lot more on our marriage and family. In this time we've grown closer together than we ever have before, and have been very blessed to see the Spirit of God move in different areas of our lives, sometimes in ways we least suspected. Through it all, we've grown closer to Him.
These days, God is making it loud and clear that our season of rest is coming very quickly to an end, and that it's time to move forward, whatever that may look like. In stepping back, we not only stepped back from the busyness and chaos of everything, but also the importance of getting together with others in the body of Christ. I believe that we walked this out as God has led us to, and that He's using this to teach us about balance. In the relationships we've kept in contact with, we've found we've been starting to leave feeling a little drained. At first I thought nothing of it, and knew that there were specific relationships that God has placed in my life right now that have high needs, and that I need to seed into. After a while, we found ourselves constantly helping others in the areas they need help in that both of us started asking the questions, where are we at? What do we need to change? Where do we need encouragement? What is wrong in our marriage or walk with God that God needs to convict us in? We looked around, and suddenly realized that we've not put anyone in a place to speak correction into our lives. As we've been seeding into others, no one has been seeding into us, and in the end, we've found ourselves mal-nourished, and unbalanced.
I love how God has a balanced plan for every area of our lives, and when we fall outside of that balance, we feel a lack inside our spirits, telling us that we're low in fuel somewhere. When we walk in obedience to God's will for our lives, we're ready, willing and quick to refuel when needed. Ironically, I've been finding myself excited for someone older and wiser to come along and tell me what to change and where to grow. I'm actually craving correction! God has placed a few people in our hearts to start walking with on a regular basis, and I'm very excited to see what God has in store. Some prophetic words have been spoken over us, and there are some amazing servants of the Lord who are willing to walk this road out with us. I'm so blessed that there are others who love me too much to leave me where I am, and who fear the Lord too much to watch us stay stagnant, when I know that God has big plans for us. My mind is blown every time I take a step back and look at the church family God has blessed me with. I would not be where I am today without their support and love. Don't get me wrong, I'm no super human who has no pride or ego. There definately are times when correction is the last thing I want, where I've turned away and done my own thing anyway against the wisdom of others. But I'm choosing to believe that God has now brought my heart to a place of knowing what's good for me, and knowing what's not. Doesn't mean I'll always make the right choice, doesn't mean I'll always receive correction with a smile.
There is a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path. I could sit here and not grow, and no one would know. I could fake my walk, and pretend that I'm mature in all the areas I need to be. I could very easily remain stagnant, idle, lazy. I can seem and feel "holy" when no one else is around to frustrate my preferences. I can fool myself into thinking that I'm mature when there is no one around to challenge me. But isolation like this breeds nothing but deceitfulness. I want others to challenge me, to teach me and mold me. I do not want to live a lie, that everyone needs to change but me. I know I will grow faster and stronger when I have someone wiser to learn from and be accountable to.
I'm really looking forward to embarking on this new season with God and my husband. I hope and pray that we keep our focus on Him and His plan, and walk accordingly and obediently. I've been so encouraged by all those who God has placed in my life to seed into. I've been so blessed to watch them grow and serve God in new ways, to pick up their cross and keep walking. I've come to learn that growth can not take place without sacrifice, and to be able to watch someone walk in sacrifice to their King, is and has been an amazing privelledge. God is good.......all the time.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Little one update

My baby's home now reaches 4 1/2 inches above my belly button. Baby is gaining weight rapidly, and by the end of next week he or she will weigh in at about 3 pounds and measure about 16 inches long. Head hair is starting to grow, and baby now has eyebrows and eyelashes. Baby also has nails reaching the tips of his or her fingers and toes. Baby's skin is pink and smooth. Brain growth over the next two months will be dramatic. Baby's lungs, though still immature, are now beginning to function.
The making of a human life is nothing short of a miracle. What a blessing it is to be able to produce another human being into this world in love and obedience to my heavenly father. Each day I'm becoming less nervous and more and more excited. I can't wait to meet this new little one, and see who it is that God had destined to add to my family in two short months.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006


My light at the end of my tunnel, is getting brighter and brighter as I read more and more in His word about the hope found only in my heavenly Father. God has been leading me to endless scriptures that speak of an indescribable hope, something our world is far too busy worrying and freting to have.

The Bible says in Ps. 25:3 that those who hope will never be put to shame, Lam. 3:21 says that we can hope in His great love and that His compassions never fail, Pr. 23:18 says that our hope will never be cut off, and Rom. 5:4 says that hope will never disappoint us.

We are blessed (Ps. 146:5), we find rest and confidence (Ps. 62:5-6), we find patience (Ps. 130:5), we find strength and endurance (Isa. 40:31), we find encouragement (Ro. 15:4) and our longings are fulfilled (Pr. 13:12) when we hope in the Lord our God.

God puts much emphasis on the fact that we find this hope when we read His word. Ps.130:5 talks about waiting in His word. Ro.15:4 talks about finding our encouragement and endurance in the scriptures, and Ps.119:74 talks about ministering and witnessing to others when we hope in His word.

"But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:24
It's funny how I ask God to clearly show me the answers, or remove the obstacles in my way, so that I can know what it is I'm hoping for. When all the while those questions and obstacles are there so that I can find hope. I'm always trying to find out whats on the other side of that door, or whats around that bend, but in not knowing and not seeing, I am able to find hope and wait patiently. God is always calling us to exercise our faith muscles. If He didn't, we wouldn't grow any stronger, in fact, our muscles would actually get weaker and smaller, and we'd find ourselves asking "why am I finding this whole Christian walk so darn hard??" (Ever asked this one before?).

I for one am sick of turning to the things of this world to put my hope in. I'm so tired of worrying and freting over the what ifs and the what abouts. If this is how I walk then why would I bother following a God who promises all the things He speaks of in His word? I'm finished resembling just another someone of this world, who has no hope, who hopes in herself. Pr. 13:12 says that hope deferred makes the heart sick. Deferred means shelved, put off, postponed or set aside. I've found my heart sick far too often, and am picking up that hope that has been set on the shelf for far too long.

My soul will find rest in God alone, I will hope in Him, for He alone is my rock and my salvation, He is my fortress, and I will not be shaken. (Ps. 62:5)
My fears and questions have been laid at the foot of His cross, it doesn't matter to me what's on the other side of that door, I know where my hope lies.


Thursday, July 06, 2006

My getaway with my hubby

Feeling pretty good leaving the city.......for now

Get me outta this car man!

"Do we look cool now?" (notice my glasses have teeth)

My hubby's aunt booked me in for a pedicure! I never had one before, it was awesome. Did you know that they shave the dead skin off your heels with a razor blade? Gross....

Us infront of West Ed mall. If there was a thought bubble popping out of my head it would say "heh heh heh....."

See? heh heh heh.....

A few shopping bags later, sore feet and a sore back, the wife think she's got it out of her system

Our anniversary dinner at the Keg

My hubby decided to impress me by going savage and devouring a lobster

My facial expression at the end of every evening.....owweeee.......very sore.

Was so nice to come home. I missed my little one, and I missed my own bed. But it was such a blessing to be able to take off for a few days and spend some time with my husband. We've been so blessed in our marriage in the last two years. It's mind blowing to think of all the miracles we have yet to see. I'm so thankful that God has made a home in our marriage, and I pray that He will use it to minister the love of Christ to others.

Hope everyone is surviving the heat. (I know I'm not)