I've been feeling slightly disconnected with the outside world. I feel like I've been sucked into the 'East Australian Curren't from 'Finding Nemo'. Life is passing me by, my friends, my family, and here I am on this crazy ride, fully capable of getting off, but, not. Why do we get so easily sucked into the "busy" mentality of this season? What is it about December that says we have to run around like chickens with no heads, aimlessly searching for our heads, so that we look and feel busy, but really, we're just headless chickens. I'm not minimizing all the tasks that we all have to do, half the stuff that's been weighing me down is very real, and needs to get done. But where is the peace and rest?
I've been looking around at the relationships in my life, and asking the Lord what it is I'm supposed to be doing in them, and asking myself if I am in fact walking that out. God has placed some specific people on my heart to build and seed into, and part of me is trying to turn a deaf ear. How much easier is it to stay in my comfort bubble, and hang out with the cool people I already know. But what about those who are stumbling? Who have no family and friends? Who are barely making it, let alone thriving in their destiny. It's for these people that God has taught me what I know to this point. It's for these people that I've gone through all the trials, all the hardships, all the testing. My daughter and I have been learning about butterflies, and how much they parallel with our spiritual walk. After they come out of their coccoon, they have only a couple weeks to live. During those couple weeks, the have one sole purpose, to find a mate and reproduce itself before it's too late. To whom am I reproducing God's grace? In all the busyness and all the chaos, all the running around with my head cut off, to whom am I building into? I mean really building into?? I wish I had a better answer than I have.
May I not impart this busy mentality to my children. May this season, and life as a whole be about serving and giving. I've been so selfish, not wanting anyone to rain on what I had planned. Since when do God's plans fit into a perfectionist's box? I know from personal experience, never. If I want my Christmas tree to look like a display tree from Sears, fine. But not my life, especially not at Christmas. There's people out there who need me, right now, and I need to throw out my perfect arangements, and show them a servant heart.
"Oh I can be loose................ see?"
-Eddie Murphy, 'Coming to America'