Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Sometimes this christian thing is like pulling teeth!

What does God do when He finds rotten character issues stinking up our spiritual walk? He yanks it out to be exposed by ripping it out by the root.
I made a discovery on Saturday afternoon, I found a small hole in my wisdom tooth. I poked around with my tongue, got out a mirror, and sat in front of the mirror for a while making funny faces. My hubby suggested that it was probably a filling that had fallen out, and left the a hole where they had drilled. This made sense to me, so I got on the phone with my cousin the dentist, and told her I needed a new filling. Well yesterday I went in to see her, and she layed it on me that I was not missing a filling, I had a rotten tooth! She said she'd have to pull it, or I'd be in for a major tooth ache. Now, this was the first time seeing my cousin as my dentist. I was nervous to get her reaction to my teeth. I even brushed the crap out of my daughters teeth, just incase she checked in there! My husband was bugging me about how now she'll know how gross my mouth is and at family gatherings she'd be weird around me. Of course he was kidding, but he based it on the fact that I have never really taken good care of my teeth. So, I had a rotten tooth, and it was litterally falling apart from the inside out. I had tooth decay. Groooooossssss! I was so embarassed! She pulled it out, root and all, and exposed to me and everyone else in the room, a black tooth.
I want to use this as encouragement to those who find themselves in situations where God is exposing some things in your life that may seem black and rotten. God wants to rip that out, and save you from major pain! He will finish what He's started! He's promised! Whether you're in the freezing process, the pulling process, or the complete exposure of your black tooth, you are in a good place! You are safe, and He is pleased with you!
I found it so amazing that my cousin made me feel so comfortable and accepted. She kept assuring me that it wasn't my fault, that it was quite common that wisdom teeth experience decay, as they're real hard to keep clean way back there. She gave me way more freezing then I ever thought nessesary, because she didn't want me to feel a thing. And I didn't! She even told me that I had great and beautiful teeth! HA! She showed me right then and there, that she has an uncontional love for me, whether my whole mouth is rotten or not. But really though, is this not how God comforts us? It's ok, it may hurt a bit, but it's for your own good. Don't worry about how you got here, I forgive you! Now let's get to work and get that outta there! Ready?

Monday, August 15, 2005

What was Abraham thinking when he was walking up that mountain to sacrifice his one and only son?.............

I can see the mountain in front of me, it looks hard, high and steep, cold...... I look down at my feet, and see they're not moving. It's like my logical brain has kicked in, and refuses to let my feet move any closer to what it interprets as danger. I look around, and find that I'm alone. No one is looking over my shoulder to make sure that I'm doing what God's asking me to. No one is even aware that I'm holding a knife in my hand....... Life is moving on, but I'm standing still. It's like a dream.......a bad dream.

I guess the question I should be asking myself is not, can I walk up this mountain? but, can I stay down here, where I am?
There's a bitterness that doesn't seem to go away, an anger that only grows with time, an unforgiveness that's eating at me, and soon will consume me. Can I afford to not walk up the mountain?

For the last 4 and a half years, I've been fighting a battle. At times I've given up, and even joined the dark side, and others, I've gone out swinging with my head held high. Consistency has been unknown, it's either up, or down, or both.
My heart's desire is to walk in victory, in faith, in peace. But I'm finding I give into fear, and walk a road of slavery instead of freedom. What does it even look like to trust the Lord so much, that you could raise a knife to your own child? I've met many mothers, who seem to just go through their days, "putting up" with the responsibilities of being a mom, but that's not me. I understand now what it means to be a real mom, a 'mommy'. To lay your life down for your child, to put their needs above your own, to be selfless and loving, even when you don't feel it.
Sometimes I wish I was dumb. Sometimes I think it would be easier to be like those mothers, who 'put up' with it all, but see no real value in what they're doing. Because then I wouldn't know what I'm losing, when I send her into the darkness. I'd think this was normal, even good! At least I get breaks! But, I'm not dumb........

It's when she's out of my care that I worry, and give into fear. But God says,
"What if I took her out of your care completely? Would you still trust me?"


Absolutely not.......But I want to.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

I've been tagged by Mad and Restless

10 Years ago.........
I was 11, I had braces, my sister was in rehab, and I knew more about drugs than any 11 year old should know.

1 Year ago.........
I was unsuccessfully trying to settle into married life, my husband came home from work everyday covered in rock dust, I got rid of my last and final piercing, and I was 15 pounds lighter.

I went to my sister-in-law's gift opening, I had sore feet from dancing it up with my sister the night before, I went to bed with a smile on my face knowing that all the festivities from the wedding are finally over.

My hubby is back to work, and I am back to play.

5 snacks I enjoy.........
Only 5??
Chips, fries, deep fried cauliflower and zuchini, loaded nachos and cheese, and Skittle's.
(and no, I don't need to be told where the 15 pounds might have come from)

Best Impression..........
my family members

5 Things I would do with $100 000 000.........
Take my daughter to Disney world, send my parents on a cruise, buy a huge playground for my sister's backyard, give to my church, and buy a house.

5 Locations I would run away to...........
Italy, Hawaii, Florida, New york, San Fransisco

5 Bad Habits I have..........
over eating, over spending, laziness, sleeping in and picking my toenails and skin off.

5 things I love doing..........
Singing, playing guitar and piano, laughing, spending time with loved ones and watching my little girl grow up.

5 things I would never wear........
only 5???
a bikini, low rise jeans, tube tops, Stiletto heels, short skirts.

5 Movies I like.........
Riding in cars with boys, 13 going on 30, School of Rock, Lean on me, The Italian job

5 Famous people I would love to meet.........
Jesus, John Candy, Jack Black, the lead singer of Korn (Brain Head Welch) who recently gave his life to Christ and left the band, and Ginny Owens.

5 Biggest Joys at the moment.......
Worship through music and dance, puzzles with my little girl, anything with my hubby, laughing with my sister, and blogging.

5 favorite toys.........
my car, my camera, my computer, my guitar and my hubby.

5 people to tag......
are there 5 people left?
Living my faith, firestarter, and worship warrior

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

My long weekend

My hubby and I went camping this long weekend. I know what you're thinking, YOU went camping? Yes, yes I did. Here's an update for those who don't me well. I, like hotels. I like malls, air-conditioning, flush toilets and restaurants. These are the things worth living for. A vacation for me would be room service, a hot tub and a shopping spree. But of course, my opposite hubby has different thoughts on the matter. He loves nature, God's creation, roughing it. Sleeping bags, tents, fires and fishing are just a few of what he sees in a vacation. So, this weekend, I embarked on our first camping adventure.

"So we're leaving our nice apartment and our comfy bed to sleep on an uncomfortable air mattress and in a cold tent? I don't get it."

As soon as we got there we discovered that the place was swarming with horse flies. Now, I do alright with bugs, considering my lizard eats crickets and meal worms. But when it comes to bugs that bite, especially ones that draw blood, I am not a happy camper (litterally). So I had a few moments of flipping out, running around like the typical city girl, arms flayling and all. I'm sure my husband was so proud.

My husband cut himself chopping wood. It was gross.

Once we settled in, the horse flies had gone to bed, and my hubby stopped bleeding, we sat down in front of a nice fire and played cards. That evening when we went to bed, my hubby stripped to his shorts, while I put on my sweat pants, socks and my bunny-hug (with the hood on). I snuggled up under the thick comforter and the extremely warm fleece blanket. It's a blessing that we don't pay for heat in our apartment, or we'd spend a fortune.

The toilets were the same type you would find in a camp trailor. This made me a much more fun person to be around, as I don't deal well with outhouses. They also had showers, and as gross as it was for me to shower with a bunch of mosquito's and moths, it was nice to feel clean.

After spending a good portion of the afternoon in the sun............................... We turned pink...................................

We went fishing. No fish, but a good time. I got one of my hooks stuck in the rocks, and my hubby had to cut my line. While it would've been neat to have fish for dinner, we still ate very well.

No weiners and beans for us!

We had a good time, lots of laughs, fun and quality time spent together. But still, I was glad to come home. Notice I'm already painting my toe nails.

I'm sure my bush woman of a mother would cringe at my version of camping. Queen size air matress, portable stove, chicken breasts and steak, shower and flush toilets. My husband and I had a little giggle after one of my flip-outs over a horse fly, about how I definately do not get my appreciation of nature from my mother. But I sure did get her love for shopping! Thanks mom!