Tuesday, September 22, 2009


Losing weight and being healthy is hard.
Being overweight and unhealthy is hard.
CHOOSE your hard.

A good marriage is hard. Being selfless, laying down your rights, walking in love is hard.
Divorce, and walking away from your vows is hard.
CHOOSE your hard.

Forgiveness, and bearing the pain is hard. Choosing the road of forgiveness is probably the hardest road of all.
Bitterness, and carrying the weight of anger and resentment is hard.
CHOOSE your hard.

and finally.....

This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now CHOOSE life........
(Deuteronomy 30:19)

The more God unpacks this for me, the more I realized how twisted my view of my heavenly Father has become. Life is hard people! God never said my life would be easy, and He never said He would protect me from pain and hardship, infact, He said just the opposite. But He did say I would never walk it alone, and through His Son, I can do all things, in His strength, and His alone.

I don't believe my God to be sitting in heaven, shaking his head as I fail, rolling His eyes as I get back up again, and critically watching me try again wondering, will she actually do it right this time?

Obviously, I would'nt consciously believe our God to be this way, but through times in my life where those I trusted have stepped out when I needed them, or who have given up on me and written me off as a lost cause, I've often wondered if God would do the same, if I messed up just enough times.

When I would read verses like this one in Deuteronomy, my condemned heart would hear judgement and dissapointment. Like a frustrated parent, throwing their hands up saying, come on! Look! There's death, there's life. Duh! It's not complicated! Choose life already! Why would you choose death? That would be dumb!

But how would a heart that is deeply loved read that?

I've set before blessings and curses, death and life, because I know there will be hard times. I know there will be times where you'll want to take control of your own life, I know this, because I made you! I know there will be times where it seems there is no hope, no point, and in your pain, you will choose death, not because you're stupid, because you're in pain, and your gripping at anything you can to make it stop. In Me my child, is life. In Me my dear child, is life! Choose life. Not because you have to. Not because if you don't, I'll wash my hands of you. Not because you must, but because you CAN. In Me, you CAN!

Not you must, but you can.....

In Him, we CAN choose. Not because of anything in us, but because of everything in Him. This is not God beating us over the head with another command we fall short of, it's Him revealing Himself to His children, reminding us that in Him, we can.

As I wrestle through the pain, and the death I've clung to, He is still with me, waiting, whispering...... "you can choose." As I walk this road before me, He has not abandoned me, He walks it with me, waiting, whispering..... "you can choose."

I was sitting outside one afternoon with God, talking to Him. Feeling stuck in the pit of despair, I cried out, God, I don't know what to do! I don't know what to say!

In that moment, I felt the Lord hold me tight, and whisper, "That's ok. All you have to say is, okay."

I got up, faced my fear of not knowing what was on the other side, and said, okay...... I choose.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Do you see what I see?

I'm 5"4. I don't like considering myself to be a short person, but maybe that's just what short people say.

My husband on the other hand is 6"1. A very obvious 6"1, since he usually finds himself standing next to a non-short, yet non-tall 5"4 wife.

I like feeling short next to Chris. It sounds silly, but it almost feels secure, in knowing my tall hubby hovers over to protect my little frame.

One afternoon, my hubby and I were in our bedroom. He was getting out of his suit from a long days work, and was commenting yet again, on how much he liked our new mirrors from Ikea. He said that our new full length mirror, was the only mirror in the house in which he could see his head. I gasped, and giggled a little, when I responded with, you seriously can't see your head in any of our mirrors? This I had to see.

So I got up on my hubbys back, dipped my head down to his till I was eye level with what he saw. Sure enough, I could not see my head in our bedroom mirror, the bathroom mirror, or the mirror in the front entrance. My hubby showed me how he had to duck in order to do his hair in the morning.

I was amazed, for the first time, I was seeing things through my husbands eyes. I asked him to piggy back me throughout the house, so I could see what else he saw. He took me into the kitchen, where I opened the cupboards and could suddenly see all the things on the top shelves that are normally completely out of my view. He took me past the bakers rack, where I could see into all the baskets on the top shelf without having to bring them down.

It was super neat to see how my hubby could see so many things that I could not, completely naturally.

But not only did I see into the cupboards and baskets, I also saw the thick layer of dust ontop the fridge, on the shelf in the bathroom, and ontop the cabinet in the living room. And here I thought my house was clean....

What would I do without my husband?

Realistically, I would probably be just fine. I would grab a chair to reach the top cupboard, I would continue to pull the baskets down to be able to see it's contents, and I would enjoy being able to see my face in the mirrors without having to duck down.

But what about that dust? Honestly, it never occured to me that people could see that dust, because I could'nt. I knew it was there, and occasionally, I would dust in those hard to reach places, simple because I thought, I was doing something extra. Either way, whether it got dusted or not, I did not base the cleanliness of my house on those dusty places because, they were unseen, which meant, they did not matter.

Now, having walked in the footsteps of my husband, seeing with his eyes, I realize now, that MANY people can see that dust. I would not have discovered that had I not looked through my husbands eyes.

I don't think my husband was made any more special than me, just different. It's not like he's worked hard at making himself that height, in which case I would need to pat him on the back for doing such a good job. He was just made that way.

We're all born with different personalities, different gifts, different strengths. The fact is, we all see things completely differently. My husband and I live in the same house, but we see everything completely different than the other. We have a different view, we have a different perception. When working together, we can cover the top and the bottom. When working apart, we lack the view the other brings.

My husband and I will always see and hear things differently. We will always approach a problem from different angles, and we will always speak two different languages. The key is to take the time to see and hear through eachothers eyes and ears, so we can walk together and lean on eachothers gifts, because in a marriage, his gifts are also for me, and mine are for him.

God has surrounded us all with people whom we need in our lives, just as they need us. We can choose to walk independantly, and grab a chair, or we can choose to lean on one another, and walk together.

I think we could all use a piggyback ride now and then.

Monday, September 07, 2009

Oh you'd better not shout,
you'd better not cry,
you'd better not pout I'm telling you why,
?Jesus? is coming to town.

He's making a list,
and checking it twice,
He's gonna find out who's naughty or nice,
?Jesus? is coming to town.

He sees you when you're sleeping,
He knows when you're awake,
He knows if you've been bad or good

If this is the King we really serve, I say,
He's not worth serving.
It's sad how many of us actually see our savior as a mean old santa, who will punish us if we're bad, and reward us if we're good. None of us can make the cut. NONE.

Who does Jesus say He REALLY is?