Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Saturday, September 16, 2006
I could fit behind my father-in-laws air hockey table, along with other nooks and crannies....
As you can tell, I'm very ready to be done with what has been a very physically trying pregnancy. I'm ready to claim my body back as my own, and stop housing a roomate in a house that is clearly no longer big enough for the two of us. I'm starting to think that maybe I'm just not one of those women who love the being pregnant part of motherhood. I think I enjoy my physical freedom too much. Now that my sister is on the preggy boat, she's dropped off all the clothes that I lent her when I grew out of them. I look through the box and marvel at all these little trendy pants that I once wore. I'm getting very excited to look like me again, and do all that I was once able to do. With the light shinning brightly at the end of my tunnel, I will walk with my head up for these last few days, looking forward to all the blessings of bringing a new life into the world and meeting him or her for the first time. So until after the hatching of my little egg, I bid you farewell. Blessings!
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
My hubby's creation....
My hubby's creation...
Many more to come....
My little one is in school today. Her and I packed up her lunch together last night. Chicken sandwich, baby carrots, granola bar, juice and bread sticks and cheese. We put it in a brown paper bag and she wrote her name on it. So cute. We went grocery shopping last night, and I bought her a bunch of little treats that I wouldn't normally allow her to have, like Pop Tarts and candy. My hubby told my daughter to soak it up while she could, because mommy needed to fill a void in herself by buying her all these treats. Sadly it's true, it does make me feel a little better while she's at school, at least she had her Pop Tart, now I can get on with my day.
Still feel like I'm getting bigger everyday, even though I know I'm not. But I've been feeling quite better emotionally and mentally. It's amazing what knowing the end is near will do for a person. Seeing that bright and shining light at the end of my tunnel is quickly getting me through the days. I'm getting so excited to have this baby. I'm fantisizing about what it will be like, about what kind of mom I'll be, about what kind of daddy my husband will be... It's all very exciting for all of us. I came home to a message on my machine last night from my mother in law. She wanted us to know that my husband's Nana is coming into town from B.C one weekend in October to see our new baby, and to make sure to keep that weekend open. It made me smile from ear to ear, and made me feel real special. When I stop to think about it, it's not very surprising that the great grandma would want to come and meet her first blood great grand child, I've just never experienced this side of having a baby before. With my daughter, I didn't have any inlaws, and since everything was very up in the air as to whether or not she was coming or going, staying or leaving, there weren't a lot of visitors. I feel very blessed to experience becoming a parent as God intended. Many people must take these little things for granted, but I've been feeling so grateful for it all. My mother in law mentioned that she wasn't going to be going to the lake anymore until the baby was born. I felt so loved.... Like, duh, her son is having a baby, of course she's not going anywhere, but to me, I don't know, it's just so nice to know that there's all this family gathered around this new little one, ready to love it as soon as it comes. I love how God will bless us when we walk in obedience. It's unfortunate that so often we choose to walk in disobedience, and end up being robbed of so much because of it. And half the time we don't even know what we're missing, so we just carry on the same path, not knowing there is so much more, if we would just submit to Him. I'm so glad to have experienced all that I have, and that God brought me through, now I know how special this all is...
Well, that's about as much of an update as I can give you. I'm still cut off from the outside world of human beings. Anyone reading this is about as much contact as I have with the human race these days. But I'm enjoying the restful period, as I know it will all come crashing down once baby comes. For now just being with my daughter and hubby is enough to keep me going. Of course my neighborhood family fits in there somewhere as well, which has been such a blessing. You don't feel any more comfortable than you do with your own family. It's been nice having them around in this phase of anti socialism, I can always hang out with them and not feel like I have to do anything but just be. They've been very helpful too, my mom came over today and swept my kitchen and door way. Ah, to be a block away from your mommy.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Today I sent my little on off for her first day of school. I shed a few tears as I watched the car drive away, but deep in my spirit I could hear the voice of God speaking peace and reassurance that she is in His hands, not mine.
It's been an amazing journey, releasing my daughter into God's hands, a journey that is far from over. Everyday is another day where I have to choose to let her go. I had many plans for my daughter, that have been burned up as an offering for the Lord. I had determined that it was God's plan, because I knew He wanted what was best for her, and I thought I had found out what that was. But God has been showing me more and more that the destiny of my child is far greater than I could see. By holding her back from the things I thought would harm her, I was holding her back from all that God wanted to do in her life, to raise her up as a leader and an evangelist for the King.
I'm still figuring all this out. It's so hard to be a parent in this day and age, because everyone seems to have the right answer, and if you're not falling under that answer or the new fad everyone seems to be following, you're doing it wrong. Let me reassure you that your child has a special destiny, one that has been determined by the Lord, not you, and not by all the opinions of others, thinking they know what's best. The Lord has singled out your child for something very special. He desires to see His glory shine in your childs life, and if you follow His lead, and raise them up in the way they should go, He will be glorified. He know's their name, the hairs on their heads are numbered, He will carry out His good works into completion, so that they will not be lacking anything.
Parents, be encouraged today, for God is raising up a generation of leaders, teachers, encouragers, prayer warriors, evangelists and prophets. These are your kids.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
I've hit this place where I just want to be within the four walls of my house and in the company of my husband. I dread the thought of being around a bunch of people, hearing the same old twenty questions that I don't want to answer anymore. Yes, I'm still pregnant. Yes, I'm getting very large. Yes, my back still bothers me. Yes, I'm very uncomfortable. No, I don't sleep very well. No, my hormone levels and emotions are not stable. No, I don't feel completely prepared for the coming of this baby but YES! I want it out.
Ahhhh, in the end, I just want to meet this little one. I want this little one to be comfortable in the new room my husband and I have created for it's arrival. I want to know if God blessed my little girl with a sister or a brother. I want to experience mommy-hood in the way God intended it within the holy grounds of marriage.
It's been difficult for me to see past the physical pains this pregnancy has come with. I've had times of feeling very selfish and less than, when I hear others who are pregnant count every moment as a blessing and a miracle. I feel jealous when I hear of others who feel great from day one to delivery day, and wonder why I was chosen to walk this road instead of that one. I know on the other side, there is a glorious road awaiting me, and anything that may have been taken from me now, will be given back tenfold, as my heavenly father has promised.
For now, my little body still endures the hardships of creating and bearing life inside it, and still excitingly awaits the day that my little one will bless me and my family with it's presence. Until then......the love of my Heavenly Father, the reassurance of my husband, the gentleness of my daughter, naps, a whole lot of kleenex and Tums..........it's all I need.