Friday, July 22, 2005

Why do opposites attract? First of all I think it's because God has a great sense of humor. But more so, I think it's so we can learn what being and having another half really means. My husband and I are very different. We think differently, act differently, communicate differently, were raised differently and do things way differently. We are in many ways, an extreme case of opposite's.
I am shy, he is outgoing. I grew up without, he grew up with. I like the indoors, he loves nature. I love splerging and shopping, he hates spending money. I'm layed back in allot of ways, while he is uptight. I'm irresponsible, he's got it together. I'm not disciplined, he always reaches the goals he sets. I'm a night person, he's a morning person. I'm musically inclined, he's tone-deaf. I'm uneducated, he's smart. I'm long-winded, while he stays silent. I'm indecisive, he's quick to act. I'm a follower, he's a natural leader. I want to finish something perfectly, he just wants to get it finished period.

For the first few months of our marriage, I found it very hard to see past our many differences. I missed out on many of the blessings God had for me, because I was too selfish to serve my husband, and be greatfull for his uniqueness. As God has grown me to fall in selfless love with my husband, and my role as a wife, I've realized what it means to have another half. I am not complete without my other half. He is everything I am not! We compliment eachother in such a way that when we are together in unity nothing can stand against us! I know this now, with all my heart, that as long as we are a team and walking in unity, we are sanctified. Our marriage, our family, our daughter, our lives, are protected and sanctified, from any weapon that might be formed against us.

As many of you know, there is a One Heart Extravagant Worship night next Thursday. A call to restore the covenant between French and English Canada, the covenant between us and God, and the covenant between marriages (healing for those that are broken, and a stand for God's purposes for marriage). My heart is very excited to witness what God is going to do, and how His spirit is going to move. I believe God is going to release many things in us, individually and corperately. He's been preparing us for this night. The Bible talks about where two or more are gathered, what about a whole nation? Experiencing this kind of unity is going to be amazing! Let's stand for what God's purposes for our nation are, lay down our rights and plans, and come in complete abandonment.
The amazing things God has done in my marriage, is what I hope for my family, my brothers and sisters in Christ. That we may be able to see our differences as uniqueness. That we may be able to lay down our lives in selfless love, the love that comes only from the Father. I've tried to love you in my own strength, I have! And just like in the early months of my marriage, I found myself at war with you! Only through the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ am I even able to go on. I want to give it all back to Him. My ways your ways, my thoughts your thoughts, my heart your heart, they are all very different. And thank you Lord that we are not the same! Our common ground is Christ alone! Let us stand on His promises for us, our marriages, our body and our nation.
I'm so glad that we are different, that we all have something unique to offer to one another. That you can help me through my weakenesses, and I can do the same for you. We are all significant!
He delights in us, and rejoices over us. When we come together in unity, He is blessed, He is happy, He is glorified. Be blessed my family, may the Lord keep you, and may His face shine upon you.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Is it hot in here? or is it just me?

I used to like to play with fire. Anytime I could get my hands on my parents lighter or matches I was burning something. I created little fires in back alleys, and one time almost started my moms purse on fire. I can remember vividly the day I discovered how much fun it was to burn a piece of Kleenex. (If you've never experienced this great entertainment, please, I urge you to try it, unless of course you're a small child, in which case, DON'T PLAY WITH FIRE!) That same day, right after I had been burning Kleenex, my dad came home from work and asked me right away if I had been playing with fire. I answered no, thinking there was no possible way he could have known what I was up to. But as it turned out, I had singed my eyebrows and eyelashes, evidence I had obviously overlooked. Anyways, as I've grown, I've come to respect that fire is not to be toyed with. However, as much as I try to respect fire, it still has a way of finding me. Like the time I turned the eliment on high and forgot about the unlit cigarette I stuck on it. After some time I retunred to the kitchen to find my smoke had burned itself into ashes, and a teatowel sitting nearby had set on fire. Or the time my eliment was so dirty, full of things that had boiled over from being cooked on high and forgotten about, that it set on fire when I was cooking veggies. My mother-in-law bought us 400$ pots and pans for Christmas last year, and told me she'd kill me if I ever cooked on high with them. Needless to say I've now learned to cook on medium. Well, this last Saturday we had a couple from church over for supper. I decided I was going to bake some potatoes, so being pressed for time, I stabbed the crap out of them first and nuked them in the microwave. I rushed through the tinfoil process which wasn't wise, because I put butter in the tinfoil as well. It's happened to me before where there will be a rip in the tinfoil and the butter leaks out. Well, this is what happened. No big deal, other than the fact that it started smoking up a storm at the bottom of the oven. I opened the oven and smoke filled my kitchen. It was already a billion degrees in our apartment, so it was such a nice treat to have the oven wide open while my hubby was trying to clean up the mess I'd created. Well, it was alright for about two minutes, until I noticed that a small fire had started in the bottom of the oven. Large enough that our friends could see the glow around the corner in the living room. They asked us if we needed the fire extinguisher, and I was too embarassed to mention that we don't even have one. My face must have been another shade of red, and it wasn't from the heat of the flames. My husband came to rescue yet again, and saved the potatoes. I assured my guests that I do cook, and I've never started my oven on fire before. They had a good laugh though, and I'm glad I was able to provide them with some entertainment while they were here. I'm so glad that my Heavenly Father takes care of me, otherwise I'm sure there would be many days that my husband would come home from work to find that our home had fallen apart.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

His grace is sufficent!

That last post I wrote, I have to admit that I've been having some major difficulties walking it out. I have not been a dead man, I've been a selfish one. God has been plowing away, at my selfishness and my pride. His message has been constant. Through every person I encounter, through every song I hear, every word I read, His grace is sufficent. I can not do this in my own strength. I know that, because I have been defeated, by my very own weapon. God has been dishing out the encouragment, reminding me that He's backing me up, that He still loves me. And every time He's encouraged me, I've soaked it up, walked away, and immediately turned back to my selfish pride. Like the man who looks at himself in the mirror and walks away, right away forgetting what he looks like. I have been so foolish! I read in Luke yesterday, the story of Jesus on the shore, telling His disciples to throw their nets in one more time. They had been fishing all night, they must have been tired, hungry, and I bet slightly annoyed that Jesus had even asked them to do anything. You don't think Peter thought to himself, Yeah, hellooo, we tried that already! Like fifty billion times. It must've seemed like a dumb request, pointless. But Peter's response was, "On the ground of Your word we will lower the nets again" Wow, I'm tired, I'm hungry and I'm annoyed, but on the ground of your word! I will trust you! The truth that God wants to plant deep in my heart is that His grace is sufficent. That I can cry out for help and I will get it. That I can't fight this fight on my own, that I can admit defeat. On Sunday morning, we sang the song 'Shackles', one of my favorite songs. I was so blessed that the Lord spoke to me so much through worship that morning. One verse in that song is,
"Everything that could go wrong All went wrong at one time So much pressure fell on me I thought I was gonna lose my mind But I know you wanna see If I will hold on through these trials But I need you to lift this load Cause I can't take it anymore"
"Lift this load!" A cry for grace! He freely gives His grace to those who ask. "I can't take it anymore", a cry of surrender! He fully takes control of your life when you give Him the control. This made me think of when my husband and I were engaged. We decided we would walk in purity, which was easy to decide, harder to walk out. It was only until I came before the Lord in brokeness, crying out for His grace that He was able to protect us. I realized fully with open eyes, that I was not able to do this on my own, that I would not make it without Him. I can remember hearing the audible voice of God that day. He said, "I've been waiting for you to say that."
When people in my life, people who are cloes to me, tell me they love me, I'm thankful that God has given them His grace to love me, because I know if they were walking in their own strength, it would be reeeeeaaaaally difficult, well basically imposible to love me sometimes. I'm no different than the ones I'm called to love. It is when I start to believe I am different that I develop the pride that stunts my growth, and keeps me from fulfilling my destiny. Pride is the root source of the need to change another person. Like I know better? As if. Like I am better? No way.
I'm not sure how to sign off, so I'm going to let my daughter give a few words of wisdom:
Pickle Friday, yeah and hamburger Friday and then slurpy icecream, and yummy babysiting and please I run in the hallway.....and that's it.
Ahh, listening to a small child always seems to put things in perspective doesn't it? What on earth was I worried about again?........

Friday, July 08, 2005

I feel.......wrong

I was reading this article this morning about emotions. It asks the question, when do emotions become sin? It seems that this is the question I've been asking for a while, so I was excited that someone might have an answer. His suggestion was, when emotions upset our peace, they are sin. This got me thinking, hmm, how many times have I allowed my emotions to upset my peace in the last while.........many. It went on to talk about how Christ wants up to live as though we were dead. Well, does a dead man get mad, flustered or frustrated? What the heck does he have to be frustrated about, he's dead! Now, if I were to share what some of the many things are that I am having to endure, I know that many of you would justify my feelings. My feelings are valid, and for good reason. But if I'm dead, then what is it to me? Who am I anyway? It is the world that tells us we need to be justified, treated fairly and shown respect. What does Christ tell us? That we will be crucified, persecuted and insulted. But He also tells us that He will give us His grace, wisdom, peace, love, understanding, patience and endurance. I do not want these things to be "upset" by my emotions. I've been crying out for justice, and it is justice that God wants to give. But my version of justice is different. Is it His will that none shall be lost. He's sent me out to fight, for His justice, not mine. I read in one of the "bloggless ones" comments, that arguing and debating might shed light, but it will not open blinded eyes. I admit that my eyes have been blinded to the bigger picture. And I have been complaining and venting, hoping that someone will come along with the answer that will "shed light" on what I should do. All the while, God's already told me what I need to do. 'Stand in the front line' He says, 'and bring glory to my name! Shout my name from the mountains and rejoice with song! Be humble, serve, and pray, for those whom I love so much, and want at my banquet table! I have placed you here to fight for the least of these, not to turn against them. Do not be blinded by the enemies schemes, You ARE dead to sin, and you ARE a new creation, and I WILL accomplish my great works in you!'

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

I am mother hear me roar

My heart feels like it's breaking in two. I'm feeling anxiety, nervousness and helplessness. I am a mother, with a God-given fierce heart for my child. I am very protective of my daughter, and my standards for her are very high. My hopes and dreams for her far outweigh my own, and I would give my life if it meant saving hers. As many of you know, my wonderful husband is not the biological father of our daughter. She goes to see her dad every second weekend as well as the ocassional holiday or lunch-in here and there. This summer, it's been agreed that she will go for an entire week with her dad. I knew this day was coming, and I've been dreading it since. So it is here. The reality of it is setting in, that I will not see her for one whole week. For many parents out there, you might be thinking wow! What are you complaining about? I'd love to have a week break! Well, I would not. My daughter is my calling, one of my few important and meaningful purposes in this life. The rest of my life has been put on hold. When people ask what I do, I say her. I've never been away from her for longer than a weekend since she was six months old. What on earth am I going to do with myself? I had a big cry tonight, and I know there's many more where that came from. My little girl will be leaving at the end of this month. Could you all please pray durring that time? That she will be protected and safe, and that I will stay sane and alive. My husband gave me a long hug tonight. I felt God telling me that He wants to hold me like that, and that I can rest in His arms. That He will carry me and comfort me through this, as He always does. It's so mind blowing to think that God's heart for my daughter is bigger than I could ever fathom. His hopes and dreams for her are bigger than I could imagine. And He protects her far better than I ever could. Seems like a pretty awesome God to release her to.

Monday, July 04, 2005

My addiction, I mean my other one....

I'm going through withdrawls!! Any of you who know me well, know that I am a picture taking freak. I can barely go two seconds without snapping away, and if I have nothing to snap at, I take pictures of my feet. Yes, I said my feet. I have a whole folder devoted to my "feet pics". My hubby and I have over 8 thousand 5 hundred pictures stored up on our hard drive! I will not miss a chance to snatch a memory, and still it in a picture. The amazing wonders and awes of God's creation? Got it. My little girl growing, in every way, got it. Laugh attacks, funny moments, silliest faces, even my little neice puking in my sisters mouth, got it! Anyways, my wonderful husband took me to Moose Jaw two weekends ago, and we stayed at the spa. It was heavenly. Unfortunately, we left our battery charger there. Our batteries are dead and our camera sucks up normal batteries in a matter of minutes. We're still waiting on the hotel people to get back to us, I'm getting impatient man! Today I took my little girl and her cute little girl friend from church to the paddling pool. Man, I felt like I had just quit smoking and I was on day one. Or like I had no money to spend but was hanging out in a shopping mall all day. They were being so cute and doing such cool things, and I had no camera! I would turn it on to take a quick picture, but the batteries were so low that it would just shut off as soon as I turned it on. So, I'm going through withdrawls. Holy eh? Do I have an addictive personality or what? Nothing in moderation..... Who the heck takes pictures of their feet?