Fashion Crisis 101

What is with the jean styles now? So low rise that your butt crack shows? Or nevermind, what about the jeans you can buy that have the holes already built in? Forget about getting your jeans dirty, because you can now also buy pre-dirty jeans. Has everyone gone nuts? We are in a fashion crisis people! Look around you, people are actually spending good money, on dirty, torn, ripped up jeans, that sit so low on your body that I'm surprised they even stay up. So, where are sane girls like myself supposed to find a decent pair of jeans, remembering that I would prefer to remain young and hip for at least a few more years........ :)

I am alive and I am very well.......
Our computer has been down for the last week and a half, and it has been a big blessing in disguise for me. I've been spending some good times with God, and He has been revealing more of who He is to me. I serve an amazing God! He has been pruning, doing some major character tweeks, but most of all, blessing me more than I ever thought imaginable. The spirit of God is alive people!! I believe that I am on the verge of a major breakthrough, in my spiritual journey with the Lord. He has been taking me places, places unknown, where I have been expected to take what He has been teaching me, and put it into action. Many times, I have fallen short, but I am called to be an overcomer! A warrior, not just a lazy christian who barely makes it through the day, let alone bringing the gospel to the nations. The Lord has been showing me that it takes more than once in a while, that it takes more than only going to Him at times of crisis and desperation. It takes more than words, empty promises, and good intentions. The word says in Ecclesiastes 5:4 that God has no interest in fools who do not fulfill their vows.
God has been preparing my heart for what I believe is now. I believe now is the time, for many, to walk out in faith, and in freedom and confidence anticipate a huge outpour of the holy spirit! He is alive! Hallelulia Praise You Jesus! He is so good.......
It was such a nice treat to catch up on all of your blogs, and it's also been nice to put the computer aside and build into those special relationships that God has put in place. It is so pleasing to the Lord when we get together and lift one another up in encouragment and prayer. So may the relationships God has placed in your life to be fed in this season, be blessed, and fruitful. And may the relationships that are called to a time of rest, or "letting go" as princess warrior put it, also be blessed and released in the name of the Lord. May He reign over it all! Love you guys,
-Nin

A few things I have learned in the last few days.....

"The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment."
-Proverbs 12:16 A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.
-Proverbs 10:31 The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom, but a perverse tongue will be cut out.

"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic."
-Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven.

"In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday."
-Seize the day, make it count, it's the first day of the rest of your life, or maybe, the last.

HOPE

This is a picture of the tunnel at the Forestry Farm. But this was not what I saw. I saw a light. A bright and shinning light at the end of a tunnel. I saw hope.

Hope is something that I've been learning about. The bible says in Romans 5:5 that hope does not disppoint us. Never. Hope will never fail us, let us down, neglect, be inefficient or unsuccessful. Now, this is a promise that I can easily stand on.

But, how do we achive a state of hope? I think we all know it takes a little more than will-power. In the very same passage that we find this wonderful promise it first states that we must "rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering develops perseverance, perseverance character, and charater hope." There is an order here, the first is to rejoice in sufferings, only then will we begin to develop perseverance, and only then will we develop our character, and only then, will we be able to add, hope.
Isaiah 40:31 says that "those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint."
This doesn't say, 'Everyone' will renew their strength. It doesn't say 'Anyone and everyone' will soar like eagles. It says, Those who put their hope in the Lord. The word "put" is an action word. It means to place, to assign and to apply. It's a verb, which means it actually requires us to do something. To hope is to choose to rejoice in the sufferings of Christ, because He loved us first!
"But hope that is seen is not hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." (Ro 8:24)
Hope does not disppoint us! Our hope comes from HIM! If we can walk in obedience to the almighty, and embrace in His sufferings, then we can truly say and believe, that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
Father you are the giver of hope. You are the perfector of our faith. May we lay down our own strength, our feeble knees and weak arms.... It is only by your grace that we can become mighty warriors, warriors who fight for hope. I pray Lord that you would pour out your hope on us, that we could walk out in the sufferings that we are all facing God, that we could embrace them with rejoicing, knowing that you are our hope. And you will never leave us or forsake us, you will never fail us or disappoint us. Thank you Jesus for who you are, and may we continue to gain understanding of how to be more like you.

I'm not stayin.....

"You cannot go with God and remain where you are."
You mean to say, something is actually required of me to follow God?
Do not try to shortcut the desert time, it only leads to cul-de-sacs, which force you to revisit the lessons you are meant to learn. You can either decide you don't need the desert, maybe you have too much pride to admit you have no idea what you're doing. Or, you can decide to give up, and refuse it, maybe you think you've had your share of suffering. Or, you can decide to accept it, to embrace it. God often keeps us in these places until we accept it anyway......
"If My people would but listen to Me, if Israel would follow My ways, how quickly would I subdue their enemies and turn My hand against their foes!" (Ps. 81:13-14)

Incase you're wondering, I'm speaking to myself. There have been lessons God has been trying to teach me, that I don't seem to be getting. But yesterday I put a stake in the ground. I decided to give it all back to the Lord, and to choose His peace, despite what may be happening around me. I want to go with God, so I'm not staying here......

Sometimes this christian thing is like pulling teeth!

What does God do when He finds rotten character issues stinking up our spiritual walk? He yanks it out to be exposed by ripping it out by the root.
I made a discovery on Saturday afternoon, I found a small hole in my wisdom tooth. I poked around with my tongue, got out a mirror, and sat in front of the mirror for a while making funny faces. My hubby suggested that it was probably a filling that had fallen out, and left the a hole where they had drilled. This made sense to me, so I got on the phone with my cousin the dentist, and told her I needed a new filling. Well yesterday I went in to see her, and she layed it on me that I was not missing a filling, I had a rotten tooth! She said she'd have to pull it, or I'd be in for a major tooth ache. Now, this was the first time seeing my cousin as my dentist. I was nervous to get her reaction to my teeth. I even brushed the crap out of my daughters teeth, just incase she checked in there! My husband was bugging me about how now she'll know how gross my mouth is and at family gatherings she'd be weird around me. Of course he was kidding, but he based it on the fact that I have never really taken good care of my teeth. So, I had a rotten tooth, and it was litterally falling apart from the inside out. I had tooth decay. Groooooossssss! I was so embarassed! She pulled it out, root and all, and exposed to me and everyone else in the room, a black tooth.
I want to use this as encouragement to those who find themselves in situations where God is exposing some things in your life that may seem black and rotten. God wants to rip that out, and save you from major pain! He will finish what He's started! He's promised! Whether you're in the freezing process, the pulling process, or the complete exposure of your black tooth, you are in a good place! You are safe, and He is pleased with you!
I found it so amazing that my cousin made me feel so comfortable and accepted. She kept assuring me that it wasn't my fault, that it was quite common that wisdom teeth experience decay, as they're real hard to keep clean way back there. She gave me way more freezing then I ever thought nessesary, because she didn't want me to feel a thing. And I didn't! She even told me that I had great and beautiful teeth! HA! She showed me right then and there, that she has an uncontional love for me, whether my whole mouth is rotten or not. But really though, is this not how God comforts us? It's ok, it may hurt a bit, but it's for your own good. Don't worry about how you got here, I forgive you! Now let's get to work and get that outta there! Ready?

What was Abraham thinking when he was walking up that mountain to sacrifice his one and only son?.............

I can see the mountain in front of me, it looks hard, high and steep, cold...... I look down at my feet, and see they're not moving. It's like my logical brain has kicked in, and refuses to let my feet move any closer to what it interprets as danger. I look around, and find that I'm alone. No one is looking over my shoulder to make sure that I'm doing what God's asking me to. No one is even aware that I'm holding a knife in my hand....... Life is moving on, but I'm standing still. It's like a dream.......a bad dream.

I guess the question I should be asking myself is not, can I walk up this mountain? but, can I stay down here, where I am?
There's a bitterness that doesn't seem to go away, an anger that only grows with time, an unforgiveness that's eating at me, and soon will consume me. Can I afford to not walk up the mountain?

For the last 4 and a half years, I've been fighting a battle. At times I've given up, and even joined the dark side, and others, I've gone out swinging with my head held high. Consistency has been unknown, it's either up, or down, or both.
My heart's desire is to walk in victory, in faith, in peace. But I'm finding I give into fear, and walk a road of slavery instead of freedom. What does it even look like to trust the Lord so much, that you could raise a knife to your own child? I've met many mothers, who seem to just go through their days, "putting up" with the responsibilities of being a mom, but that's not me. I understand now what it means to be a real mom, a 'mommy'. To lay your life down for your child, to put their needs above your own, to be selfless and loving, even when you don't feel it.
Sometimes I wish I was dumb. Sometimes I think it would be easier to be like those mothers, who 'put up' with it all, but see no real value in what they're doing. Because then I wouldn't know what I'm losing, when I send her into the darkness. I'd think this was normal, even good! At least I get breaks! But, I'm not dumb........


It's when she's out of my care that I worry, and give into fear. But God says,
"What if I took her out of your care completely? Would you still trust me?"

.......
....
..

Absolutely not.......But I want to.

I've been tagged by Mad and Restless

10 Years ago.........
I was 11, I had braces, my sister was in rehab, and I knew more about drugs than any 11 year old should know.

1 Year ago.........
I was unsuccessfully trying to settle into married life, my husband came home from work everyday covered in rock dust, I got rid of my last and final piercing, and I was 15 pounds lighter.

Yesterday........
I went to my sister-in-law's gift opening, I had sore feet from dancing it up with my sister the night before, I went to bed with a smile on my face knowing that all the festivities from the wedding are finally over.

Tomorrow..........
My hubby is back to work, and I am back to play.

5 snacks I enjoy.........
Only 5??
Chips, fries, deep fried cauliflower and zuchini, loaded nachos and cheese, and Skittle's.
(and no, I don't need to be told where the 15 pounds might have come from)

Best Impression..........
my family members

5 Things I would do with $100 000 000.........
Take my daughter to Disney world, send my parents on a cruise, buy a huge playground for my sister's backyard, give to my church, and buy a house.

5 Locations I would run away to...........
Italy, Hawaii, Florida, New york, San Fransisco


5 Bad Habits I have..........
over eating, over spending, laziness, sleeping in and picking my toenails and skin off.

5 things I love doing..........
Singing, playing guitar and piano, laughing, spending time with loved ones and watching my little girl grow up.

5 things I would never wear........
only 5???
a bikini, low rise jeans, tube tops, Stiletto heels, short skirts.

5 Movies I like.........
Riding in cars with boys, 13 going on 30, School of Rock, Lean on me, The Italian job

5 Famous people I would love to meet.........
Jesus, John Candy, Jack Black, the lead singer of Korn (Brain Head Welch) who recently gave his life to Christ and left the band, and Ginny Owens.

5 Biggest Joys at the moment.......
Worship through music and dance, puzzles with my little girl, anything with my hubby, laughing with my sister, and blogging.

5 favorite toys.........
my car, my camera, my computer, my guitar and my hubby.

5 people to tag......
are there 5 people left?
Living my faith, firestarter, and worship warrior

My long weekend

My hubby and I went camping this long weekend. I know what you're thinking, YOU went camping? Yes, yes I did. Here's an update for those who don't me well. I, like hotels. I like malls, air-conditioning, flush toilets and restaurants. These are the things worth living for. A vacation for me would be room service, a hot tub and a shopping spree. But of course, my opposite hubby has different thoughts on the matter. He loves nature, God's creation, roughing it. Sleeping bags, tents, fires and fishing are just a few of what he sees in a vacation. So, this weekend, I embarked on our first camping adventure.

"So we're leaving our nice apartment and our comfy bed to sleep on an uncomfortable air mattress and in a cold tent? I don't get it."

As soon as we got there we discovered that the place was swarming with horse flies. Now, I do alright with bugs, considering my lizard eats crickets and meal worms. But when it comes to bugs that bite, especially ones that draw blood, I am not a happy camper (litterally). So I had a few moments of flipping out, running around like the typical city girl, arms flayling and all. I'm sure my husband was so proud.

My husband cut himself chopping wood. It was gross.

Once we settled in, the horse flies had gone to bed, and my hubby stopped bleeding, we sat down in front of a nice fire and played cards. That evening when we went to bed, my hubby stripped to his shorts, while I put on my sweat pants, socks and my bunny-hug (with the hood on). I snuggled up under the thick comforter and the extremely warm fleece blanket. It's a blessing that we don't pay for heat in our apartment, or we'd spend a fortune.

The toilets were the same type you would find in a camp trailor. This made me a much more fun person to be around, as I don't deal well with outhouses. They also had showers, and as gross as it was for me to shower with a bunch of mosquito's and moths, it was nice to feel clean.

After spending a good portion of the afternoon in the sun............................... We turned pink...................................

We went fishing. No fish, but a good time. I got one of my hooks stuck in the rocks, and my hubby had to cut my line. While it would've been neat to have fish for dinner, we still ate very well.

No weiners and beans for us!

We had a good time, lots of laughs, fun and quality time spent together. But still, I was glad to come home. Notice I'm already painting my toe nails.

I'm sure my bush woman of a mother would cringe at my version of camping. Queen size air matress, portable stove, chicken breasts and steak, shower and flush toilets. My husband and I had a little giggle after one of my flip-outs over a horse fly, about how I definately do not get my appreciation of nature from my mother. But I sure did get her love for shopping! Thanks mom!

Why do opposites attract? First of all I think it's because God has a great sense of humor. But more so, I think it's so we can learn what being and having another half really means. My husband and I are very different. We think differently, act differently, communicate differently, were raised differently and do things way differently. We are in many ways, an extreme case of opposite's.
I am shy, he is outgoing. I grew up without, he grew up with. I like the indoors, he loves nature. I love splerging and shopping, he hates spending money. I'm layed back in allot of ways, while he is uptight. I'm irresponsible, he's got it together. I'm not disciplined, he always reaches the goals he sets. I'm a night person, he's a morning person. I'm musically inclined, he's tone-deaf. I'm uneducated, he's smart. I'm long-winded, while he stays silent. I'm indecisive, he's quick to act. I'm a follower, he's a natural leader. I want to finish something perfectly, he just wants to get it finished period.



For the first few months of our marriage, I found it very hard to see past our many differences. I missed out on many of the blessings God had for me, because I was too selfish to serve my husband, and be greatfull for his uniqueness. As God has grown me to fall in selfless love with my husband, and my role as a wife, I've realized what it means to have another half. I am not complete without my other half. He is everything I am not! We compliment eachother in such a way that when we are together in unity nothing can stand against us! I know this now, with all my heart, that as long as we are a team and walking in unity, we are sanctified. Our marriage, our family, our daughter, our lives, are protected and sanctified, from any weapon that might be formed against us.







As many of you know, there is a One Heart Extravagant Worship night next Thursday. A call to restore the covenant between French and English Canada, the covenant between us and God, and the covenant between marriages (healing for those that are broken, and a stand for God's purposes for marriage). My heart is very excited to witness what God is going to do, and how His spirit is going to move. I believe God is going to release many things in us, individually and corperately. He's been preparing us for this night. The Bible talks about where two or more are gathered, what about a whole nation? Experiencing this kind of unity is going to be amazing! Let's stand for what God's purposes for our nation are, lay down our rights and plans, and come in complete abandonment.
The amazing things God has done in my marriage, is what I hope for my family, my brothers and sisters in Christ. That we may be able to see our differences as uniqueness. That we may be able to lay down our lives in selfless love, the love that comes only from the Father. I've tried to love you in my own strength, I have! And just like in the early months of my marriage, I found myself at war with you! Only through the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ am I even able to go on. I want to give it all back to Him. My ways your ways, my thoughts your thoughts, my heart your heart, they are all very different. And thank you Lord that we are not the same! Our common ground is Christ alone! Let us stand on His promises for us, our marriages, our body and our nation.
I'm so glad that we are different, that we all have something unique to offer to one another. That you can help me through my weakenesses, and I can do the same for you. We are all significant!
He delights in us, and rejoices over us. When we come together in unity, He is blessed, He is happy, He is glorified. Be blessed my family, may the Lord keep you, and may His face shine upon you.

Is it hot in here? or is it just me?

I used to like to play with fire. Anytime I could get my hands on my parents lighter or matches I was burning something. I created little fires in back alleys, and one time almost started my moms purse on fire. I can remember vividly the day I discovered how much fun it was to burn a piece of Kleenex. (If you've never experienced this great entertainment, please, I urge you to try it, unless of course you're a small child, in which case, DON'T PLAY WITH FIRE!) That same day, right after I had been burning Kleenex, my dad came home from work and asked me right away if I had been playing with fire. I answered no, thinking there was no possible way he could have known what I was up to. But as it turned out, I had singed my eyebrows and eyelashes, evidence I had obviously overlooked. Anyways, as I've grown, I've come to respect that fire is not to be toyed with. However, as much as I try to respect fire, it still has a way of finding me. Like the time I turned the eliment on high and forgot about the unlit cigarette I stuck on it. After some time I retunred to the kitchen to find my smoke had burned itself into ashes, and a teatowel sitting nearby had set on fire. Or the time my eliment was so dirty, full of things that had boiled over from being cooked on high and forgotten about, that it set on fire when I was cooking veggies. My mother-in-law bought us 400$ pots and pans for Christmas last year, and told me she'd kill me if I ever cooked on high with them. Needless to say I've now learned to cook on medium. Well, this last Saturday we had a couple from church over for supper. I decided I was going to bake some potatoes, so being pressed for time, I stabbed the crap out of them first and nuked them in the microwave. I rushed through the tinfoil process which wasn't wise, because I put butter in the tinfoil as well. It's happened to me before where there will be a rip in the tinfoil and the butter leaks out. Well, this is what happened. No big deal, other than the fact that it started smoking up a storm at the bottom of the oven. I opened the oven and smoke filled my kitchen. It was already a billion degrees in our apartment, so it was such a nice treat to have the oven wide open while my hubby was trying to clean up the mess I'd created. Well, it was alright for about two minutes, until I noticed that a small fire had started in the bottom of the oven. Large enough that our friends could see the glow around the corner in the living room. They asked us if we needed the fire extinguisher, and I was too embarassed to mention that we don't even have one. My face must have been another shade of red, and it wasn't from the heat of the flames. My husband came to rescue yet again, and saved the potatoes. I assured my guests that I do cook, and I've never started my oven on fire before. They had a good laugh though, and I'm glad I was able to provide them with some entertainment while they were here. I'm so glad that my Heavenly Father takes care of me, otherwise I'm sure there would be many days that my husband would come home from work to find that our home had fallen apart.

His grace is sufficent!

That last post I wrote, I have to admit that I've been having some major difficulties walking it out. I have not been a dead man, I've been a selfish one. God has been plowing away, at my selfishness and my pride. His message has been constant. Through every person I encounter, through every song I hear, every word I read, His grace is sufficent. I can not do this in my own strength. I know that, because I have been defeated, by my very own weapon. God has been dishing out the encouragment, reminding me that He's backing me up, that He still loves me. And every time He's encouraged me, I've soaked it up, walked away, and immediately turned back to my selfish pride. Like the man who looks at himself in the mirror and walks away, right away forgetting what he looks like. I have been so foolish! I read in Luke yesterday, the story of Jesus on the shore, telling His disciples to throw their nets in one more time. They had been fishing all night, they must have been tired, hungry, and I bet slightly annoyed that Jesus had even asked them to do anything. You don't think Peter thought to himself, Yeah, hellooo, we tried that already! Like fifty billion times. It must've seemed like a dumb request, pointless. But Peter's response was, "On the ground of Your word we will lower the nets again" Wow, I'm tired, I'm hungry and I'm annoyed, but on the ground of your word! I will trust you! The truth that God wants to plant deep in my heart is that His grace is sufficent. That I can cry out for help and I will get it. That I can't fight this fight on my own, that I can admit defeat. On Sunday morning, we sang the song 'Shackles', one of my favorite songs. I was so blessed that the Lord spoke to me so much through worship that morning. One verse in that song is,
"Everything that could go wrong All went wrong at one time So much pressure fell on me I thought I was gonna lose my mind But I know you wanna see If I will hold on through these trials But I need you to lift this load Cause I can't take it anymore"
"Lift this load!" A cry for grace! He freely gives His grace to those who ask. "I can't take it anymore", a cry of surrender! He fully takes control of your life when you give Him the control. This made me think of when my husband and I were engaged. We decided we would walk in purity, which was easy to decide, harder to walk out. It was only until I came before the Lord in brokeness, crying out for His grace that He was able to protect us. I realized fully with open eyes, that I was not able to do this on my own, that I would not make it without Him. I can remember hearing the audible voice of God that day. He said, "I've been waiting for you to say that."
When people in my life, people who are cloes to me, tell me they love me, I'm thankful that God has given them His grace to love me, because I know if they were walking in their own strength, it would be reeeeeaaaaally difficult, well basically imposible to love me sometimes. I'm no different than the ones I'm called to love. It is when I start to believe I am different that I develop the pride that stunts my growth, and keeps me from fulfilling my destiny. Pride is the root source of the need to change another person. Like I know better? As if. Like I am better? No way.
I'm not sure how to sign off, so I'm going to let my daughter give a few words of wisdom:
Pickle Friday, yeah and hamburger Friday and then slurpy icecream, and yummy babysiting and please I run in the hallway.....and that's it.
Ahh, listening to a small child always seems to put things in perspective doesn't it? What on earth was I worried about again?........

I feel.......wrong

I was reading this article this morning about emotions. It asks the question, when do emotions become sin? It seems that this is the question I've been asking for a while, so I was excited that someone might have an answer. His suggestion was, when emotions upset our peace, they are sin. This got me thinking, hmm, how many times have I allowed my emotions to upset my peace in the last while.........many. It went on to talk about how Christ wants up to live as though we were dead. Well, does a dead man get mad, flustered or frustrated? What the heck does he have to be frustrated about, he's dead! Now, if I were to share what some of the many things are that I am having to endure, I know that many of you would justify my feelings. My feelings are valid, and for good reason. But if I'm dead, then what is it to me? Who am I anyway? It is the world that tells us we need to be justified, treated fairly and shown respect. What does Christ tell us? That we will be crucified, persecuted and insulted. But He also tells us that He will give us His grace, wisdom, peace, love, understanding, patience and endurance. I do not want these things to be "upset" by my emotions. I've been crying out for justice, and it is justice that God wants to give. But my version of justice is different. Is it His will that none shall be lost. He's sent me out to fight, for His justice, not mine. I read in one of the "bloggless ones" comments, that arguing and debating might shed light, but it will not open blinded eyes. I admit that my eyes have been blinded to the bigger picture. And I have been complaining and venting, hoping that someone will come along with the answer that will "shed light" on what I should do. All the while, God's already told me what I need to do. 'Stand in the front line' He says, 'and bring glory to my name! Shout my name from the mountains and rejoice with song! Be humble, serve, and pray, for those whom I love so much, and want at my banquet table! I have placed you here to fight for the least of these, not to turn against them. Do not be blinded by the enemies schemes, You ARE dead to sin, and you ARE a new creation, and I WILL accomplish my great works in you!'

I am mother hear me roar

My heart feels like it's breaking in two. I'm feeling anxiety, nervousness and helplessness. I am a mother, with a God-given fierce heart for my child. I am very protective of my daughter, and my standards for her are very high. My hopes and dreams for her far outweigh my own, and I would give my life if it meant saving hers. As many of you know, my wonderful husband is not the biological father of our daughter. She goes to see her dad every second weekend as well as the ocassional holiday or lunch-in here and there. This summer, it's been agreed that she will go for an entire week with her dad. I knew this day was coming, and I've been dreading it since. So it is here. The reality of it is setting in, that I will not see her for one whole week. For many parents out there, you might be thinking wow! What are you complaining about? I'd love to have a week break! Well, I would not. My daughter is my calling, one of my few important and meaningful purposes in this life. The rest of my life has been put on hold. When people ask what I do, I say her. I've never been away from her for longer than a weekend since she was six months old. What on earth am I going to do with myself? I had a big cry tonight, and I know there's many more where that came from. My little girl will be leaving at the end of this month. Could you all please pray durring that time? That she will be protected and safe, and that I will stay sane and alive. My husband gave me a long hug tonight. I felt God telling me that He wants to hold me like that, and that I can rest in His arms. That He will carry me and comfort me through this, as He always does. It's so mind blowing to think that God's heart for my daughter is bigger than I could ever fathom. His hopes and dreams for her are bigger than I could imagine. And He protects her far better than I ever could. Seems like a pretty awesome God to release her to.

My addiction, I mean my other one....

I'm going through withdrawls!! Any of you who know me well, know that I am a picture taking freak. I can barely go two seconds without snapping away, and if I have nothing to snap at, I take pictures of my feet. Yes, I said my feet. I have a whole folder devoted to my "feet pics". My hubby and I have over 8 thousand 5 hundred pictures stored up on our hard drive! I will not miss a chance to snatch a memory, and still it in a picture. The amazing wonders and awes of God's creation? Got it. My little girl growing, in every way, got it. Laugh attacks, funny moments, silliest faces, even my little neice puking in my sisters mouth, got it! Anyways, my wonderful husband took me to Moose Jaw two weekends ago, and we stayed at the spa. It was heavenly. Unfortunately, we left our battery charger there. Our batteries are dead and our camera sucks up normal batteries in a matter of minutes. We're still waiting on the hotel people to get back to us, I'm getting impatient man! Today I took my little girl and her cute little girl friend from church to the paddling pool. Man, I felt like I had just quit smoking and I was on day one. Or like I had no money to spend but was hanging out in a shopping mall all day. They were being so cute and doing such cool things, and I had no camera! I would turn it on to take a quick picture, but the batteries were so low that it would just shut off as soon as I turned it on. So, I'm going through withdrawls. Holy eh? Do I have an addictive personality or what? Nothing in moderation..... Who the heck takes pictures of their feet?

Be alert and self-controlled

Me and my hubby have decided that we are going to start getting up earlier. While this is no big deal for my hubby, as he's a morning person, I have not yet followed through with the commitment. He keeps getting me up and I keep falling back asleep. Most of the time it's not even that I'm mentally making the decision to fall back sleep, I just do. I'm not alert enough to think straight. I love my sleep. I love it enough to let my guard down, and allow my desire for sleep to take over, take over my commitment to myself, and my husband. God wants us to be always alert and self-controlled. So that the desires of our flesh can not grab ahold of us, and rip us away from what we're called to do as christians. I lost sight of this the other day. I woke up wanting to be productive and happy. I wanted to give that day to God, and wanted to glorify Him in all I did. Well, He tested me that day, and I failed. Each and every single test, I failed. I gave into my flesh my frustrations and my anger. At one point I threw something across the room and said a, hmmm, "unproductive" word. Now, I have not behaved this way in a long time. While I have a history of anger and fits, God has been slowly breaking that away, as I've been learning to walk in self-control. This was not me, at least, not the real me that I've finally been discovering. No, this was an old unhealthy pattern that I was so quick to step into, with no guard up, no armor and no self-control. I was not alert. Later that day, after I had realized my sinful ways, I caught my little girl, getting frustrated because she couldn't get her barbie's dress on. My heart sank. I apologized to my daughter for being so wrong, and prayed that she would not walk in a lack of self-control. Well God, you got my attention! sorry it took so long I've been fiddling around..... But hey, it's pretty cool that today is a new day, and that His mercies are new every morning. A late morning might I add......but a great morning none the less.

spare change?

I love change!

Ask my hair, I change it at least once every two months, and that's on a good run. I've been blonde, brown, black, purple, blue, auburn, green! and my personal favorite, fire engine red. I've had it long, medium as well as short and spikey. I've had curly perms, I have natural wave, and I can dry it poker straight. I love to change my hair! When something new and good comes into my life, I celebrate by changing my hair. When things aren't going good in my life, I give myself a pick-me-up by changing my hair. When I get rid of something bad in my life, I release it by changing my hair. (by the way, just between us, I'm getting a little sick of the blonde already!)

Change rocks! It's new, it's fresh, it's original. However, as much as I love change, these things about me, not others, not God. It seems that whenever God asks me to change something He wants changed, I'm not so quick to get to it. When things in my character that need tweeking are pointed out by my brothers and sisters, I'd much rather stay where I am, then walk in the change that's needed. I find excuses very easily, as to why I don't need to change, THEY do! (isn't that the truth) Every single time I've ever gone to God with the attitude of wanting another person to change, He always comes back with these two responses. Focus on what I need to change in my life, and focus of the UNchanging characteristics of God.

The truth is, if I never changed, I would be an unproductive member of the church of Jesus Christ. If I never changed I would be of no threat to the kingdom of darkness. If I never changed, I would never learn anything new, and therefore would never grow. So may my passion for changing my hair be the same passion I have for changing to be more like Christ! If it were, man, I'd be flyin! Hey, with these new thoughts, maybe I should seal it by changing my hair......
-Nin

I've been tagged by Carebear!

Man, this is going to be tough but I'll give it a whirl.....

Total books I've ever owned: hmm, we're not big readers over here. My reading material consists of shopping catalogues, Calvin and Hobbes, "Coffee perks", and yes, your blogs. We have a little over 100 books, 50 some of which are my daughters, and to say that I've actually read my share of them is another story.

Last book I bought: I don't really buy myself books anymore, I've learned that they usually sit on the shelf. But this last Christmas we bought books for presents. 'The purpose driven life', 'I kissed dating good bye', and 'what the Bible says about arthritis'.

Last book I read: I'm in the process of re-reading 'every woman's battle'. It's an amazing book filled with many truths, so many that I didn't quite get all of them the first go around.

5 books that mean alot to me:
There have only been a few books that have impacted me me enough to stick them through to the end, and they are
"I kissed dating good bye" the Lord taught me through this book to be thankful with where God has me.
"The purpose driven life" this is another one of those books that should be re-read. An awesome eye opening book of what your role is as a christian.
"Every woman's battle" this was an amazing look at female sexuality and our role as godly women and wives.

May I have a Great mind

"Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people." ~Eleanor Roosevelt
I stumbled across this quote the other day, and have been pondering it since. I can't help but admit that I have had a small mind most of my life. God has been slowly breaking this unhealthy pattern for a while now, but it's still a stuggle for me. My mind is curious, about all the wrong things. I always want to know who's talking to who, why where and when, and what was said with what body language and tone of voice. So that I, can then form my own opinion of a situation that I myself was not a part of. Why do I do this? What do I gain when I go digging for information? I keep thinking that I'll strike gold, but instead I keep finding garbage.
I've been gossiped about. I've had personal intimate struggles made public by those I've trusted. I've had judgements come against me by those who are ignorant to the truth of the situation, but carry with them a hint of second hand information. I know very much how it feels to be talked about for reasons other than encouragement and bringing glory to God for all He's done and is doing. I've felt betrayed, dishonored and violated.
I want this unhealthy pattern in my life to stop. Why would I want others to feel how I've just described? I'm not thinking of these things as I'm gossiping, I'm only thinking of feeding my flesh, my cravings and my selfish desires. Maybe I like to build myself up by knowing what others are struggling with. Wow...... is that me?
God has been showing me that His love for me is not based on my performance. He's been doing things in me and in my life, that defy all logic. I ask myself, what have I been doing God that deserve all this blessing? The answer my friends is nothing. He's pouring out His spirit on someone who struggles with the very same things I judge others for. It seems that He's working out the judgemental spirit in allot of us, He wants us to come together in unity. He wants us to talk about eachother in love, He wants us to build eachother up, encourage eachother, and praise Jesus for the amazing work He's done in us! In my flesh I am judgemental and critical, but thank God I can love you all through His grace and His grace alone! Thank you Jesus that your love is not based on our performance. And thank you fellow brothers and sisters for loving me through good times and bad. I want to love you the same!
-Nin

Thank you Jesus

Wow, what a mighty awesome God we serve! This morning I was privileged to witness a battle. The awesome godly men of my church family raised the sword of the spirit and declared their rightful place in the heavenly's as men of God. I witnessed lies being broken off in the name of Jesus, and truths being declared. These great men, lifted their voices and confessed their sin and brokeness, and cried out for God's mercy and grace. I can think of no other place I'd would have rather been than right in the midst of spiritual warfare, battle, victory and divine order. God is doing something HUGE! He is bringing in His order, so that we may see His blessing and GLORY! In our lives, in our families, in our church and in our nation! Praise you Jesus! What an amazing sight it was to see grown men, be broken before the Lord. For it is in brokeness that we are strong. The bows of the warriors are broken, but those who stumbled are armed with strength. ~ 1 Samuel 2:4
'Paul was broken on the Damascus road. Peter was broken after Jesus was taken prisoner. Jacob was broken at Peniel. David was broken after his sin with Bathsheba. The list could go on of those the Lord had to break in different ways before they could be used in the Kingdom. When we are broken, we see the frailty of human strength and come to grips with the reality that we can do nothing in our own strength. Then, new strength emerges that God uses mightily. God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.'
Bless all of you men who walked humbly before the Lord this morning, layed down your lives and raised that sword high! What you declared here on earth was declared in the heavenly's, and as my uncle John would say, "AND THERE WAS MUCH REJOICING!"
Thank you men on behalf of us women, we love you and bless you.
-Nin