Tuesday, June 07, 2005

The battle is already won!

The battle belongs to the Lord!
This small piece of truth, so complex yet so simple, has been the testimony of the last four and a half years of my walk. Back in high school, there were a few classes that I struggled in. Math being one of them. Numbers is not my strong point. My husband has learned to not ask my any questions that will force me to do a math problem. (Just as I've learned that he's not the person to ask if I can't spell a word) I've got my Math A30, but this is only because my teacher didn't want me in his class anymore. Once we got into the graphing and what-not, the information started to fly over my head, leaving me confused. However, it was easy for me to shake of feelings of failure, because I figured when will I ever need or use this information? The only thing I came up with, is that I might need to know my fractions, so that it could help me with my shopping, figuring out how much 30% off would be and so on. But even then, I can always ask the people working there to figure it out for me. Yes, I am a sad individual......... I've felt that God has been trying to teach me something for the last four and a half years, that I'm just not getting. I've taken exam after exam, test after test, and I'm just not getting it! It seems that I'm going on a merry-go-round, I'm not getting anywhere, it's the same old same old. The battle belongs to the Lord! So complex, so simple. I've been called, as we all have, to hand over all I have to Him, and to trust that He is in control, not me. But it seems that what I've been called to hand over, and to trust in, is like a math problem. I'm faced with all these crazy numbers and I don't even know where to start, or what to do. I know that there is no better way to learn trust, then in a situation you have no control over what-so-ever. I have moments of endurance to run the race, but eventually I always get tired, and slip into some sort of self-pity/cop out/surrender mode, only I'm not surrendering to Him, I'm surrendering to my fears. "To say that a situation is hopeless, is to slam the door on the face of God." To slam the door on the face of God?! Oh Lord forgive me for being so arogant. I do not know what to do, I do not know what the answer is, and I can not do this in my own strength.

"O God, will you not exercise judgment upon them? For we have no might to stand against this great company that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on You"
2 Chronicles 20:12

Lord may my eyes remain on You, for this is your battle. You are my comanding officer, and I will wait for your command. I've heard it said, don't ask God to guide your footsteps, unless you're willing to move your feet. I think I've had a long enough break........
I find it interesting that so many times the Lord has prompted me to prepare for battle, to raise my sword and to stand in the front line, only to find that when I get there, His next command is to lay down my sword and get on my knees. In the front line God? Isn't there a safer place we can hang out together? Pastor Terry said something in his sermon last Sunday that fit very well here. "The safest place you can be in in the will of God." No matter how many bombs are flying at me........ Man, so complex, yet so simple right?


  1. Ninette!
    Thanks for your words - they meant something to me, too! I am feeling low today and lacking self-confidence. It's funny how you sort of forget about all of your high school failures (for me it's SPORTS! namely the deathly sport of VOLLEYBALL HELL!) Anyways, after playing soccer last night I realized how much I suck and that I take it SOO seriously. But your words about surrendering to your fears are VERY impacting to me. Thank you. God truly is in control and when we take itback into our hands it's so wrong.
    I thank GOd for your words of truth, because they've brightened up my day.

  2. this is good stuff, feeling like I'm not getting it has been my companion as of late. it's a good thing I'm not in charge...

  3. I want to stop striving so much and start living! and the only way to do that is to surrender. Your awesome my sis.
    Yet another way for us to chat!!! LOL