Today I saw my little one off into her mission field, carrying with her the love and mercy of Christ and her God given heart of a lion. Without fear, I am blessed to see all that God has redeemed, and excited to witness more miracles. His heart for my child is more than I can fathom, and I feel so priveledged to be in the front row to watch Him move through my child to bring His love into fallen places. I am absolutely floored when I look at where He has brought me, and the work He has done in my heart. To look back at all the bitterness and resentment I carried with me in my heart, I wonder how I ever had the strength to carry myself out of bed in the morning. The load I carried was so heavy that I would drop it continuously and spill it all over whoever was in my path. I knew I was walking in sin, but refused to let it go, I refused to let God in, because I knew deep down, that He would take away my anger. That anger was all I knew for 4 years, I was afraid of what would be left of me without it, and I was afraid to admit to myself that I was wrong, regardless of what had been done to me. To see the life that God has brought to the dead places, the forgiveness He has showered on the rotten soil, and the fruit He has given in place of dark black muck, is nothing short of amazing. There is nothing I have done to deserve all that He has given me, and there is nothing I can do to deserve all that He continues to do, but He does it anyways, because His love for me is greater than my sin. I don't need to "get it" to reap the fruit of righteousness. All I have to do is choose Him, choose to walk towards the light of the Son, and He will bring me to greater places than I've ever known. I am walking and living proof that miracles do exist, that the dead can be revived and the sinner redeemed. I love walking this road, because I know He is in control of it. Things aren't perfect, and never will be, I still shed some tears when I see her go, I am still a mother with a loud roar. But my heart is submitted to His will, not my own. I can now walk freely in knowing that my God will take care of my little one, and knowing that He doesn't need me meddling messing things up to get His work done. All He wants me to do is pray, soak and praise.
You spoke and made the sun rise
To light up the very first day
You breathed across the water
And started the very first wave
It was You
You introduced Your glory
To every living creature on earth
And they started singing
The first song to ever be heard
They sang for You
You make all things new!
You make all things new!
You redeem and You tranform You renew and You restore
You make all things new!
You make all things new!
And forever we will watch and worship You
You turn the winter into spring
You take every living thing
And you breathe the breath of life into it over and over again
You made the sunrise
day after day after day
But there's a morning coming
When old things will all pass away
And everyone will see!!!!
You make all things new!
You make all things new!
You redeem and You transform You renew and You restore
You make all things new!
You make all things new!
And forever we will watch and worship You
(~Steven Curtis Chapman~)
what an amazing experience. did you ever think 6 years ago that you'd be where you are now? probably not...that's the power of Christ & He's been working in you, and will continue to do so. You can see the love, protection & commitment you have for your daughter in the pictures of her...she has eyes that show she feels loved, protected & valued...that's so important. what a lucky little girl to have you as a Mommy.
ReplyDeleteI love that I have seen you walk that journey and know that reconciliation is possible. I look forward to the wisdom I will reap from you my sister. I love you sooooo much. Happy belated anniversary.
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