But aside from my constant wondering what others think, I say screw it. Heck, 4 years, in this day in age? We might as well be celebrating our 25th! With divorce being so common, especially within the first couple of years of marriage, I'd say we've accomplished quite a feat already.
I've been thinking and chewing and pondering and seeking this whole marriage subject for a while now. Watching two couples close to us after only being married a year or two throw in the towel, and bawling through the movie The Break up, really forced me to take a look at my life and ask myself, am I really in this for the long haul?
They classify The Breakup as a comedy, but the movie I saw was a drama, a very very sad and depresssing drama. Here was THE couple, and because neither one of them were willing to look past themselves, they missed out, on what could have been. It really made me think of us, and how selfish and immature we were when we were first married. When I look back to that first year, I'm so embarassed. Things sucked, all the time. Occasionally, there might be a small breath of fresh air, that reminded us of why we loved eachother, but other than those occasional breaths, we suffocated through the first year. If I would've gauged what our marriage would be like on our first year, I would've been out that door faster than a fat boy on a smartie, with my daughter packed in my suitcase. Surely being a single mom was easier than this! I'm not joking, it was.
But guess what, we didn't kill eachother, we didn't leave, we bit our tongue, sometimes until they bled, we even vowed that neither of us would ever sleep on the couch! (Believe me, there were soooo many nights where you could've fit a whole football team between us on that bed) And after what felt like many years, our first year was completed, with some battle scars yes, but more importantly, a deeper sense of the commitment we made on June 19th 2004.
Time went on, and the more we gave of ourselves into our marriage, the more our marriage became amazing. Each anniversary we've had, we've been so amazed at how much more in love we are with eachother, and how much we've grown together as one. He's more like me and I'm more like him! It's weird to think it's only been 4 years, when I look at all we've walked through together. Poverty, custody and court battles, career and life changing choices, depression insomnia, physical ailments, a very hard pregnancy, a death in the family, buying our first house........I could go on, but I can't put our story in point form. Our story holds so many miracles, so much glory. When I really allow that to soak in, I'm so thankful that I did not give up, that I vowed with my whole self, that calling it quits was never an option, that we got through those tough times. Where would I even be today without all this blessing and beauty? I know I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for my husbands unconditional love, and the holy spirit working and moving powerfully through him. He is a man completely worthy of my respect, and I'm in awe and honored that I can call him my husband.
I know I may be making it sound like I think we now have it all together, that we're now "wise" because we stuck it out for 4 years. I know 4 years isn't really that long, and I know we have so much more to learn, and that we'll be figuring this whole marriage thing out until the day we die. I know that 4 more years will go by and I'll be saying wow! To think we thought it was good then, look at it now! I'm encouraged to know that God isn't limited or intimidated by time. I know that He sees the finished product, and that He has grace and mercy for the areas we struggle in. I'm just so amazed at how far we've come, and how much we've grown together. I couldn't imagine this life any other way.
I'm so in love with my husband. He was made specifically just for me, he has and is everything I could need, he completes me in every way, and I'm loving sharing the rest of this life with him.