Saturday, September 02, 2006

You know that very distinct difference between being the 'bride' and being a wife? I can remember everyone always asking me durring the months and weeks before our wedding, "So, how's 'the bride' feeling? How's 'the bride' holding up?" Seemed that after we got married I never heard any "How's the wife?" I guess the commotion at that point was just, over. So here I am, as pregnant as this little body is ever going to get, tired, heavy, irratated, emotional, anti-social, and every time I see the whites of anyone's eyes....."How's the preggy feeling?" Sigh, I'm ready for the comotion to be over, and to enter into the next stage, where no one really asks questions anymore, where people kind of just leave you alone. I want to enter mommy-hood.
I've hit this place where I just want to be within the four walls of my house and in the company of my husband. I dread the thought of being around a bunch of people, hearing the same old twenty questions that I don't want to answer anymore. Yes, I'm still pregnant. Yes, I'm getting very large. Yes, my back still bothers me. Yes, I'm very uncomfortable. No, I don't sleep very well. No, my hormone levels and emotions are not stable. No, I don't feel completely prepared for the coming of this baby but YES! I want it out.
Ahhhh, in the end, I just want to meet this little one. I want this little one to be comfortable in the new room my husband and I have created for it's arrival. I want to know if God blessed my little girl with a sister or a brother. I want to experience mommy-hood in the way God intended it within the holy grounds of marriage.
It's been difficult for me to see past the physical pains this pregnancy has come with. I've had times of feeling very selfish and less than, when I hear others who are pregnant count every moment as a blessing and a miracle. I feel jealous when I hear of others who feel great from day one to delivery day, and wonder why I was chosen to walk this road instead of that one. I know on the other side, there is a glorious road awaiting me, and anything that may have been taken from me now, will be given back tenfold, as my heavenly father has promised.
For now, my little body still endures the hardships of creating and bearing life inside it, and still excitingly awaits the day that my little one will bless me and my family with it's presence. Until then......the love of my Heavenly Father, the reassurance of my husband, the gentleness of my daughter, naps, a whole lot of kleenex and Tums..........it's all I need.

7 comments:

  1. i think i feel "a flower" coming on.....
    God is going to show you in the next little while a piece of truth that goes along with this phyiscal picture.

    And when He does....SHARE IT WITH US!!!

    these last days are hard and LONG waiting....I pray God shows you a great blessing in this small season of pregnancy.
    Love you

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  2. Awww Nin...

    I pray for you...that you will have some comfort in knowing that this all will be over soon. That that beautiful pregnant belly will soon unveil your special gift from God. It is hard, I don't care what some may say, the last few weeks are hard. You can't move, everything is about as stretched out as it can be. And its ok to feel that way and to feel that it sucks...cause it does, lets face it, lets be honest...it sucks to "feel" like a whale, to be in pain, to be tired all the time and to be tired of all the same old questions. Just remember that you are so blessed and that you will forget about all of it once you see that beautiful face and hold that warm bundle in your arms. It will all just be a memory. Its going to happens soon enough. I'm looking forward to hearing about it. Until then, do what you need to do to make yourself comfortable and to make yourself happy as you can be until that day arrives. God bless you!

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  3. You're almost there sweetheart!

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  4. Aw Nin, I'm sorry that people keep pestering you, and that you are in so much discomfort. I've continued to keep you in my prayers, and am also VERY excited to "meet" your new little one! It's funny to be so excited for someone I've never met - but I am genuinely counting down the days with you. May God continue to show His blessings through this tough time. I have NO experience with it - but hang in there!

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  5. Nin,
    I love you SOOOO much. If you want to spend the next month in a cave being cave like, I will still love you. ( I will miss you and love you).
    Your family loves you too, we just need to come up with better ice breaker questions. So next time I see you I will ask if you want to buy a goat? or how about would you rather listen to Barney or lambchops? OR if a pump uses a vortex to create suction, then if we were in South America where the toilet water swirls the opposite direction then, would you need to create a pump that swirls the water the opposite way (then in Canada) in order for it to have the correct swirling vortex? I can also ask about Swallows and cocconuts. (sorry I like Monty python)
    Love ya sis

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  6. I often said that I would have had 5 more babies, if it weren't for the being pregnant part. The delivery I could go through over and over...but I just could not take pregnacy one more time.
    So I think I'm not only sympathizing with ya' but empathizing as well.

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  7. Hello!

    I am contacting you because I am working with the authors of a book about blogs, and I'd like to request permission to use the photograph you have posted in this book. Please contact me at matt@wefeelfine.org, and I'd be happy to give you more information about the project. Please paste a link to your blog in the subject field. Your assistance is greatly appreciated.

    Sincerely,

    Matt

    ReplyDelete