Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship with another

Baby seems we never ever agree
You like the movies
And I like T.V.
I take things serious
And you take 'em light
I go to bed early
And you party all night
Our friends are sayin'
We ain't gonna last
Cuz I move slowly
And baby I'm fast
I like it quiet
And I love to shout
But when we get together
It just all works out
who'd a thought we could be lovers
She makes the bed
And he steals the covers
She likes it neat
And he makes a mess
I take it easy
Baby I get obsessed
She's got the money
And he's always broke
I don't like cigarettes
And I like to smoke
Things in common
there just ain't a one
But when we get together
We have nothin' but fun
Baby ain't it somethin' How we lasted this long
You and me Provin' everyone wrong
Don't think we'll ever Get our differences patched
Don't really matter Cuz we're perfectly matched
We come together cuz opposites attract
~Paula Abdul~
It seems that more and more everyday, I'm learning that my husband and I probably couldn't be more different from eachother if we tried. We serve the same amazing God, we share the same love for one another, we share the same love for our wonderful daughter, and we share in the miracle of the creation of the new life inside me. But take all those things away and you're left with nothing but one black and one white. I find it so amazing how God has placed us together, He knew all the things that I lack and need, I would find in my husband. And He knew that all the things my husband lacks and needs, he would find in me. Taking it one step further, He knew the needs and lacks of my family, and that my husband would bring a new balance to them. Just as I bring a new balance to the lacks and needs in his family. My husband has tightened my screws so I wouldn't fall apart, and I've loosened him up, that that he won't crack or break under pressure. We've both grown so much in what it means and looks like to be a servant of the Lord to one another. I look back at the way things looked like when we first got married, and thank God everyday that He brought us through those hard times. We used our differences against eachother, instead of building eachother up, or using them to move forward in ways we were unable to before we had one another. I came across this quote this morning.
"Opposites attract, but after marriage, opposites attack. Most of the time, we are attracted to people who don't have the things that we have. Incompatibility is why we get married in the first place, but it's also used as a reason to divorce. "
~ by Dr. Charles Lowery ~
I can't help but have an aching heart for those struggling in their marriages because they've been blinded by the enemy to think that our differences with our spouses are a bad thing, something to be defensive against or in opposition to. Dr. Lowery goes on to say,
"Incompatibility is just a lack of communication. If we just try to love our spouse the way we want to be loved, we are in trouble. Unless you communicate, it's difficult to know how to love another person."
Our society has become so selfish when it comes to love. It is no longer about serving one another, but about self gratification. Roaming around this world, trying to find the 'right' person that will make 'me' happy, that will be all that I want them to be, so that I can be fulfilled and satisfied, so that my dreams and goals can be fulfilled. It's ok if they want to have their own dreams and goals, just as long as they don't conflict with mine, in which case I'd have to go and find someone better suited for my needs.
I know, this sounds awful, but this is exactly how most people in our world are taught to think. "There is always a way out if it's not meant to be." Heaven forbid we pour ourselves into working hard, into doing whatever it takes, nah.....that requires something of me, commitment.
I've been aching for the marriage of someone close to me. Without the knowledge of the love and grace of God in their lives, I wonder how they will press through, when the advice they're receiving is that if worse comes to worse, there is a way out. And really, if it wasn't "meant to be", you don't want to go against 'fate' as it would be waste of time.
So sad....
I need your prayers. My husband and I want to be a light in this dark time, but there's been a wall built up, and these loved ones have pulled away. I find it very difficult to have a relationship with someone who hides themselves, who keeps their trials in secret, and doesn't reveal their true heart. We've not been placed in a position where we feel we can speak into their lives, and it hurts to see them hurting so much when I know there is so much more for them.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ~
How could one even try to walk these things out without the power of God behind them? It's not possible. These things go against our very nature as human beings. We are not programmed this way, we are selfish and sinful. Please pray for us as we seek the Lord on what our role should look like in this time, and that we walk obediently to His will and not ours. Blessings, and may God be with you in your marriage today, and pour down His love and mercy.


  1. Marriage is truly a work in progress. My husband and I are complete OPPOSITES.
    He's organized, I'm a scatterbrain.
    He's a neat freak...I'm not so neat.
    He's quiet...I'm usually the loud person who'll say something to make him sink a little into the chair.
    But we've worked on making this marriage amazing.
    I used to hide my feelings and not share, but because of Scott I know share and talk everything over.
    He's my best friend. When I'm upset about someone (for example) talking behind my back he's my biggest ally. He always says "babe she's not worth any thought." and that always makes it real for me.
    He's my biggest supporter. He knows I'm beginning and finding a relationship with God and he's never thought I was silly or odd. Instead he encourages me along the way.
    He still walks into the room and I think "wow he's hot!"
    But like I said it's been a work in progress. Marriage isn't meant to be easy. It's a challenge. There are days when I think "why does he have to be like this?" then I realize if he wasn't who he was we wouldn't be married.
    There isn't a key for a perfect's a combination of many things. I do think that communication, honesty and passion are essential elements though.
    Thanks for sharing darling Nin. I'm gonna go and kiss my husband!

  2. marriage is an amazing thing - it's a difficult thing. sometimes i wonder how my hubby & i make it through each day without walking out on each other...sometimes it would be so easy. but i know that i was meant to be with this man for the REST OF MY LIFE. no questions asked. there is no one else in the world for me. He is my best friend - even though we fight. He is my strength - even though he's sometimes weak. He's the best dad in the world (according to me) - even though i have to remind him how to do the little things with Kamryn. God has blessed me with this man - and I will do ANYTHING to make sure that I live up to my marriage vows. Thank you for reminding me to remember the reasons why I am so in love - and why everyday is important, and communication is VITAL.
    I will pray that you can be light into this situation - not only that, but that YOUR marriage will continue to be an example to everyone around you...

  3. Nicely put Nin. A friend of mine recently went through a divorce, and it was really difficult for me to keep true to my beliefs about marriage and divorce. Ryan and I are both so blessed with parents that have been married forever, and have been great examples to us in marriage. We have so much to be thankful for. I will pray for you as you decide what role to play in the lives of your friends, and their struggling marriage. Thank you for your prayers for us - as married couples. It sure isn't easy, but it is rewarding. I wrote a speech a while back for a church ladies luncheon, all about how we put certain expectations on our husbands - especially when we are first married. I'm so glad my hubby has put up with me!

  4. speak the truth! we need it in such an opposite world of the truth. Your marriage is a clear testimony of this truth about opposites. Your quote from that guy was so true. at first we love our differnces, then later we hold it against them for not being like us.
    I really appreciate your posts lately. your well is obviously being filled into a store house! don't let it run dry!

  5. I have not enter into the blissful life of marriage, but I have watched many. I have seen those that think the other should know what they are thinking, these are sad, cause sometimes we don't really know what we are thinking or what we want. Both sets of my grandparents were married for over 40 years only sepewrated by death. If there is one thing I have learned it is that time changes people. Yet through changes they stick together looking over grievances and talking about the ones that need to be talked about. I have no advice for you, but if either one is wiling to listen tell them if they divorced and remarried the next one will be just as bad 'cause all their crap is going to come with them. If they choose to stay and work it out they will be blessed. I don't know, but my prayers are with you babe.

  6. That is SO true! When you hear about so many divorces, you wonder how many people don't realize you have to work at relationships.

    To Love, Honor and Dismay