Friday, December 01, 2006

I feel like a schizophrenic with split personalities. Half of me is in a beauitiful place, with family and an amazing new baby. The other half is in a world of chaos, emotions and anger. As if the shock of the loss was not enough, I have now had to endure much unexpected change in some of my relationships. Friends that I once considered to be my closest companions, have drifted away without a trace, and those whom I never expected have been extending their hand, letting me know that I am loved and not forgotten. I appreciate their gestures... thank-you.

Being with my family day in and day out has been greatly needed, although it's come with it's share of choas as well. At times it has felt like the blind leading the blind, or the deaf arguing and yelling. But even so, I need them.

I'm quite malnourished spiritually, but I don't feel hungry. Shortly after my daughter was born, I struggled with anorexia. To those that don't understand the disorder, it makes them wonder how someone could go hungry everyday, desperately wanting food, but ignoring their hunger pains. This isn't how it goes. It's amazing how your body will get used to what you give it, or don't give it. If you withhold food, it will adjust, and eventually stop feeling hungry, and stop desiring food. I'm quite spiritually malnourished, but I don't feel hungry....


  1. Hey Nin
    I am praying for you right now, I know how hard the loss of friends is, whether they drift away or just are not the friends that you thought they were. It's really sad but it's really just how life works unfortunatly. My prayer for you is that God will bring along friends that will be exactly what you need exactly at the right time.

  2. Thinking of you, praying for you too!

  3. huh.....interesting that we had the same thoughts today about those that have been there for us.....i am grateful for those that have been there too.....
    i know what you mean about not feeling hungry. i ate a couple of worship songs today and totally forgot what it was like to eat good food......
    yesterday....being with you all flippin was fun....
    thanks for putting your thoughts down. i love the way you write.
    of course, tanya and crystal are right there praying....and everyone else that hasn't read this post yet!!!

  4. Thinking and praying for you sweetheart! Your honesty and way of words continue to bless me in many ways!

  5. with regard to the link on my blog, you need quick player

    hope all is well and glad to be a reminder, I suppose, or whatever it is I was with the post

  6. Hey Nin! Was just thinking about you today and thought I would just let you know that I am praying for you!

  7. i'm so glad we got to chat last night. it really made my day - my week actually!! i love that we are on the same page and most of all i love being a friend.
    looking forward to this weekend!!!

    ps i realized last night that i said "energy bunnies" but i meant to say ENERGIZER bunnies!!!!!

  8. I had to write something for this; I have completely been in the situation of friends coming and going, so many times actually. I know how hard it is when people come in and out...and its happened to me so many times, I think I'm down to 2 friends, and my mom...who is my BEST friend. But, I have learned through all the hard times of friends stabbing me in the back and hurting me so many times (we'll talk about it sometime!!!) that I just needed to draw closer to the one friend that is always there....I think you know who I mean!!! God is an ever present strength in times of trouble, and He proves to be a much better friend, companion, boyfriend, and anything else we could ever need! I will pray for you honey!!! Thank you for writing down your feelings and sharing it!

  9. I found your blog through my sister's. I feel in a way that we are going through similar trials with the loss of a nephew. May God hold you near as you suffer through the aches of time seperation. love angela (MacLeod) baggett