Thursday, August 26, 2010

Houseflies.

Pesky little buggers, that many of us have grown to deal with as a regular and normal part of life. Except me of course.

Did you know that flies cannot eat solid food? They need to consume their food in liquid form. So, when a fly lands on your food, which is most likely in solid form, it will actually vomit on your food, to break down and soften your food in order to eat it.

Me? I'm not a huge fan of vomit. Kid vomit, adult vomit, bug vomit, vomit is vomit. I mean, I'm sorry to be a pain, but vomit, just really isn't my cup of tea. I would much rather eat my food in peace, without there being microscopic fly vomit on it. But hey, that's just me.

God has a funny way of using the strangest things to speak to me through, and most recently, He decided to use a fly.

I was in a counseling meeting last Saturday morning. I was finally sharing some things that had been bubbling up to the surface, that hadn't been shared or spoken of in years, and years, and years. It was a very hard meeting. Facing some of those things was very hard, and very painful, but in the end, there was only one thing I could do to move on, and that was to forgive myself.

During the first half of our meeting, there was a fly, stuck between the window pane and the screen. The window had been left open just enough for him to find his way in, but not quite enough for him to find his way out. For over a half an hour, this fly buzzed and buzzed, only to hit the window over and over. At times he would take a break to rest, only to start up again after a few minutes to try again. My counselor finally at one point, got up to let this loud, noisy and obnoxious fly out.

In that moment I smiled. I smiled because God poured out an amazing picture. I smiled because just like me, that fly did not want to be stuck in that window, and he wasn't choosing to bang his head on the same wall over and over. To him, he couldn't understand why he could see this magical world outside, and no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't reach it. I smiled because my counselor thought to let him out, and I smiled because even when she opened the window, the fly still didn't fly out. She had to blow him in the right direction, but with that little push, that fly was free. I smiled because in that moment, I felt free.

It made me think of most of the time, I'm my own worst enemy. When I bang my head on the same wall over and over, and beat myself up for not getting something that seems so simple, when in reality, when you're stuck between a screen and a window pane, life is anything but simple, in fact, everything is complicated, and everything is overwhelmingly hard. It made me think about how Jesus has unlocked the doors for me, and how it's my choice to walk through them, but in the times where I'm tired and weary from being stuck for so long, He never ever gets frustrated, instead, He finds ways or people to help blow in the right direction.

I smiled because in that moment, God made things incredibly simple. His love, is incredibly simple. In the times when I'm complex, complicated, confused and overwhelmed, His love for me is still, incredibly simple.

I will still kill my houseflies as soon as they enter my home. I will still be disgusted with them vomiting on my food, to the point of being ridiculously anal as I tend to be. But I think, that maybe.............I'll still smile.

5 comments:

  1. ...and right now, i'm smiling. :)

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  2. So good! this makes me incredibly hopeful and happy

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  3. My spiritual director challenged me this week to let God pursue me and for me to not make things so complicated and to try so hard. I am glad God spoke to you and poured out his love for you in that moment.

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  4. wow. you are amazing. how you write. your insight into the matters at hand - the things that bug us, make us laugh, make as cry, make us angry. ahhh.

    i am soooo happy to read this. can't wait to hear more at our coffee date. YAHOOOO!

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  5. Thanks, Ninette. Just yesterday I was thinking of all the things I tell no-one even while they keep me banging my head against a stupid window. Just yesterday I was thinking that I need to stop guarding my pain and anger so much that I don't let anybody it and let it skew my perceptions of so many things. Just yesterday I asked God to set me free.

    And today I feel hope that He will set me free. This post is watering that hope. Thanks, Ninette...thanks God.

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