Sunday, May 02, 2010

To my faithful readers, to my long lost blogger friends, I am still here. I can't count how many times I've sat down to write a post, only to get half way through and delete it. Lots of times I sit down with TONS to say, only to realize, either A: There are things that need to stay guarded, and I have a really hard time being vague, or B: I have no idea what I'm talking about anyway. I hope to push through this writers block, it's definately going to take some discipline, since I've been so absent for so long in this little area of my life.

My ant hill. It's a cozy little nook. Not much room to move around. When I feel like getting away from the chaos of life, well, there's really nowhere to go. It isn't exactly what I had in mind, when I used to dream of my future, but for now, I call it home. Downsizing from a spacious, multi-level home to this ant hill, has come with it's challenges. Some days I feel like packing my bags and hitting the road. But home is home.
Over the last year or so, God has been renovating in my heart. A massive de-junking. Sometimes after cleaning my fridge, I look inside and think, whoa, we have absolutely NO food. What once seemed full to the brim, is now completely bare, with only a few condiments and a jug of milk. It's then that I realize my full fridge, was actually full of old rotten expired, shit.
Looking at my heart, and seeing the dejunking process still continuing, I'm starting to wonder if ANYTHING will be left at the end of the day. If my entire foundation is being ripped up, what IS left?
For now?
Jesus loves me, and Jesus fights for me.
That's it.
That's all.
How long will I carry on with this one little nugget?
Until I get it.
So, with this one, single brick in my foundation, I build my home. It's small, and dirty. But I would rather live in a small little ant hill on a brick that will NEVER break, then a huge house built on a bunch of shit.
And THAT, is all I need to know, until my heavenly Father gives me the next brick.

4 comments:

  1. My Darling,

    When I read your posts and grab onto the wisdom HE is passing to you and through you. It is a huge blessing. You have such a beautiful way with words, it is an amazing reflection of who you are and were created to be.

    I Love You!

    P.S. The ant hill on the brick my not be big but it has the most spectacular view of the heavens at night :)

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  2. I am glad you wrote. You were on my mind today. I love you!

    You do have a way with words. I love how God is at work in our lives. Thinking of you,
    hugs

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  3. Miss ya and love ya! That is all!

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  4. Hi Nin,

    Love this post!! Makes me think!! Nice how the anthill is humugious to the ants, maybe if I become smaller (ego, wanting my own way, blowing my horn, being humble) the space around me might become bigger, more full of the Spirit, others, and Gods work.

    Now please...don't think I'm talking to you,I have no idea what your unique situation is, but I'm quite taken by your thoughts. Thay are wonderful.

    Nel

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