Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Uh oh..... there she goes again....

*Warning: very ranty rant ahead, enter at your own risk*

I'm small....... I'm really small actually. I've always been small. I've never had to watch my weight, watch what I eat, excersize to keep my body toned, that's just the way I was made.

Up until the birth of my son, I was able to eat whatever I wanted, as much as I wanted, whenever I wanted, and do absolutely nothing, and guess what, stay small. A dream body you might say? Sure, if you think that living in bondage to food, compulsive overeating and laziness is a dream come true. Or if you think that huffing and puffing after walking up one flight of stairs is something you aspire to, then yes, I was living the dream.

I may not have shown the world the consequences of my actions in my weight, but I did in my health.

Everyday after supper, I would eat so much, that I would have to lay down on the couch and close my eyes for a bit, just to give my body a moment to process the huge amount of junk I just ingested.

4-5 times a week, before I was married, my daughter and I would go on a junk run, where I would buy two bags of chips, a full order of potato skins dipped in ranch dressing, and a big bag of 5 cent candies. This was my lunch, and for the rest of the day, I would need to sleep it off during my daughter's nap time.

In highschool, I tried out for the volleyball team, but after one, one hour try-out session, I went home so wiped, that I dropped out, of the try-outs!

My sis and I used to go to Olympia, and order a platter for four, of all deep fried foods, and dip each and every bite in creamy fat-filled dressings and dips, and polish off the whole thing (and be up all night drinking buckets of water from all the salt).

One time I went for a walk with a friend, a walk, and after a very short time of a leasurely walk, I shared with embarasment, that I was completely out of breath, and needed to sit down.

There's so much more....

Sounds like fun right?

But let me bring it back to what people see and know, I am small. Yes, since the birth of my son, my metabolism may have slowed down a bit from what I've always been used to, but to many, it seems to still be at the speed of a jet plane. Yes, I may have been carrying nearly 40 lbs more than what I've ever been used to, but again, to many, I still seemed very small.

So let me ask, because I am smaller than you, because my metabolism is faster than yours, and because I don't carry a bunch of extra weight that I'm trying to lose, am I robbed of the right, the desire or even, the sense of obligation to be healthy? Why don't thin people need to be healthy too? Why is it all surrounded around weight, if you're not OVERweight, than you can't have a voice in the struggles of body image that women face? Why is it frowned upon, when a thin person watches what she eats? Why do people roll their eyes when I say no thanks to that piece of dessert or second helping? Why is it so discouraging or upseting to others, when a thin person desires to do the work it takes to be fit, tonned, and yes, to stay thin? Is that wrong? Isn't it the same thing as overweight people wanting to be thin?

If I walked around saying rude things about overweight people, poking fun at their weight to make myself feel better, there would be outrage! What if I was having a bad eating day, or I was really off track with my excersize, and to lighten my mood, I said, well at least I'm not fat! Seriously, that would be awful.

But why do people get to poke fun at thin people? Calling them names like "skinny" and "scrawny". Here's a plug for the thin people, that hurts our feelings! Who wants to be called "scrawny" or "skinny"? What about "skin and bones"? Well that sounds attractive, what a compliment! I heard someone say "just remember that skinny people have nothing to hug"...... Wow. That's so rude. I'm a "skinny" person. My poor husband has nothing to hug?

Moving on.....

I want to be healthy. I want to be in my healthy weight range. I want excersize to be a daily part of my life. I want my kids to watch my eating patterns and follow suit, so that they don't have to experience the bondage to food that tells you to "live to eat" instead of "eat to live".

I want to encourage others who are close to me to be healthy as well. I want to share all that I've learned about the human body, about food and excersize. About tricks and tools on losing weight, or excersizes that give you the most cardio or resistance.

I no longer want to keep quiet, in fear of making someone else feel "fat". I no longer want to shrink back in fear of being judged by others that may think I'm obsessed with weight, or that I'm vain because I'm "already thin".

I know who I am, I know how far I've come, and I choose to be proud of that, instead of hiding my joy. I'm not vain, no more than anyone else. I'm not obsessed, I'm passionate.

I want to walk this road just like everyone else, in a society that tells us how to look how to feel what to do and what beautiful looks like. It's hard living in this world and walking this road no matter what size you are.


  1. I totally get what you're saying Nin! I think though that because "society" leads us to believe that thinner people are healthier than heavier people...the majority of us assume that the thinner is the ideal and the healthiest out of the two.

    I once asked my Dr. about the BMI index. I said that it made no sense...and he agreed, but said thats the only way that Dr's have to go on as far as weight is concerned unless you want to go into major testing (like that one that you do under water to see what % of body fat you have). He said that it doesn't make sense, especially when you compare a 6ft tall man, who say weighs 200lbs but has a belly and is untoned and doesn't have any cardiovascular stamina or anything, compared to a 5ft 7 man who is all lean muscle and is active and has endurance. According to the BMI...the 5ft 7 guy is overweight and the unhealthy one! So really...he said it all depends on your cardiovascular abilities and by what you eat. Everyone's "make up" is different. I've always said that there is "skinny fat" too...but its much easier to hide than the regular "fluffy fat".

    So I get what you're saying Nin...I totally do! I think we all just need to do the best we can do for ourselves, no matter what our size. There is nothing wrong with trying to be healthy...small or large, we all have the same rights!

  2. I meant that the 5ft 7 guy also weighed 200lbs.

  3. Anonymous1:23 PM

    I am right in the middle. Not fat, not skinny. Not unhealthy, not super healthy. Not an undereater, not an overeater. I am dead-center in the middle. I think it's easier to criticize and poke fun at thin people because to everyone on the OUTSIDE, they look fine. To most, thin = healthy, attractive, no problems. Society paints thin as being the ultimate goal, and so if you are thin, most others will have a tendency to envy that. If people are envious, they will likely do one of two things: either say nothing, or poke fun at it. So you can assume that most people that tease you are likely envious of your shape. I don't know if this is making sense. It's not fair - but sadly it's sort of a strange consequence of society's view of what beautiful is. Generally, I just prefer to steer clear of the "weight vs. shape" conversation, and just talk about being healthy - which is what you are getting at.

  4. you go girl!! let me be the first to apologize if i've ever said "You're already thin." I'm racking my brain and hoping I haven't! But anyways, whatever, I totally think you're got the right mind set and you've got the right perspective on things.
    I bless you in being healthy and pursuing truth.

  5. My senitments exactly. You go girl!

  6. I admit I am one of those people who used to look at skinny people and think, "what are they complaining about?"...but my eyes have been opened thanks to you. It is unfortunate that we live in such a weight obsessed society. I struggle with this daily. I don't look at myself in the mirror and think I am beautiful, instead I think "man I'm fat". Like your sis said, we need to embrace who we are and love ourselves and each other.
    I think it's awesome that you are worried about your's not about your weight. Skinny women die of heart attacks just as much as overweight women and our health should be our number 1 focus!!
    Keep at the good work!!

  7. I am just right in my husband's eyes. I do desire to be tonned and would love to hear the tips you have learned.

    And yes, some where in me there is a crazy silly girl. She usually comes out at midnight when I am over tired. :0)

    It's good to be home and to sleep and relax.

    I am learning to be healthy physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.

  8. All I can say is that my spirit was jumping out of my seat reading this! You are so right! I JOIN you on the fight to knowing our true identity in Christ!

    We are in a war. A battle. The battle for our self worth, our bodies, our minds, and the future generations! I'm tired of believing the lies of this world! I am tired of conforming to the patterns of this world! I LOVE LOVE LOVE that you are my sister and that we have such different bodies...because then, we can fight this together from two different angles! You, as a thin person, and me that struggles to keep the pounds off.

    It's about a life of self control, discipline, health, taking care of the bodies God gave us, coming together as sister's (blood or not) to be real about the struggles of body image.

    Let's break down those walls of comparing eachother to one another! We NEED eachother! I'm tired of comparing myself to others. Envy is the path to the dark side. God told us not to covet for a reason....for our own freedom and unity!

    I love you, I am so honored to walk this with you.....

    PS. you need to come over for a strength workout and try out my new treadmill! I have some new pilates pushups I've GOT to show you!

  9. Hey, I'm Renee, I found your blog through many of my friends (Kim F, Heather, Rebekah).
    I really enjoyed reading this post! Although I do not have the metabolism like you do, I completely agree with all that you said! I would not concider myself to be overweight, but since having kids and the mix of not excercising, I have gained weight and not put it off. What you said brings another aspect into it, when viewing people, and you're totally right!
    Now that I read this, I had a friend back in volleyball in H.S. and she was a size 2, tall and pretty...she wasn't healthy though, so most other girls on the team could outrun her. I think that society definitly focus' on size rather than health, so they put emphasis on skinny and that's it! What we don't see is all the binge dieting that makes the hollywood stars look the way they do! Well and the fact that they all have personal trainers :) haha Anyway, I agree, we ought to focus on health rather than size of jeans. To be honest (and my hubby feels the same way!) I would rather be healthy, feel good about myself and be treating my body good, with an extra 10 pounds, then to have the mindset to lose those extra 10 at all costs...ex. any latest "fad" diet, overkill on excercise, or starving myself just to lose that extra 10.

    ANyway, good post!

  10. I'm still working on that sort of thing too. I am overweight but for my height being tall most people say they don't notice that I am overweight. My struggles are similar to yours that I have to work my brain hard to go and exercise and different because though I enjoy snacking, when I do eat too much I notice it blip a bit up on the scale. I also want to say similar things that about my own health and the health of any future children I might have. So keep up the good fight since we are all in this together.

  11. Healthy is good and important for all of us no matter what size. It's true that all of us who are bigger are jealous of those who are small because that's the way we want to be. If we could simply switch to healthy being the goal the playing field would make a lot more sense. Health doesn't come in a size and is available to all of us! Love you tons.