I'm small....... I'm really small actually. I've always been small. I've never had to watch my weight, watch what I eat, excersize to keep my body toned, that's just the way I was made.
Up until the birth of my son, I was able to eat whatever I wanted, as much as I wanted, whenever I wanted, and do absolutely nothing, and guess what, stay small. A dream body you might say? Sure, if you think that living in bondage to food, compulsive overeating and laziness is a dream come true. Or if you think that huffing and puffing after walking up one flight of stairs is something you aspire to, then yes, I was living the dream.
I may not have shown the world the consequences of my actions in my weight, but I did in my health.
Everyday after supper, I would eat so much, that I would have to lay down on the couch and close my eyes for a bit, just to give my body a moment to process the huge amount of junk I just ingested.
4-5 times a week, before I was married, my daughter and I would go on a junk run, where I would buy two bags of chips, a full order of potato skins dipped in ranch dressing, and a big bag of 5 cent candies. This was my lunch, and for the rest of the day, I would need to sleep it off during my daughter's nap time.
In highschool, I tried out for the volleyball team, but after one, one hour try-out session, I went home so wiped, that I dropped out, of the try-outs!
My sis and I used to go to Olympia, and order a platter for four, of all deep fried foods, and dip each and every bite in creamy fat-filled dressings and dips, and polish off the whole thing (and be up all night drinking buckets of water from all the salt).
One time I went for a walk with a friend, a walk, and after a very short time of a leasurely walk, I shared with embarasment, that I was completely out of breath, and needed to sit down.
There's so much more....
Sounds like fun right?
But let me bring it back to what people see and know, I am small. Yes, since the birth of my son, my metabolism may have slowed down a bit from what I've always been used to, but to many, it seems to still be at the speed of a jet plane. Yes, I may have been carrying nearly 40 lbs more than what I've ever been used to, but again, to many, I still seemed very small.
So let me ask, because I am smaller than you, because my metabolism is faster than yours, and because I don't carry a bunch of extra weight that I'm trying to lose, am I robbed of the right, the desire or even, the sense of obligation to be healthy? Why don't thin people need to be healthy too? Why is it all surrounded around weight, if you're not OVERweight, than you can't have a voice in the struggles of body image that women face? Why is it frowned upon, when a thin person watches what she eats? Why do people roll their eyes when I say no thanks to that piece of dessert or second helping? Why is it so discouraging or upseting to others, when a thin person desires to do the work it takes to be fit, tonned, and yes, to stay thin? Is that wrong? Isn't it the same thing as overweight people wanting to be thin?
If I walked around saying rude things about overweight people, poking fun at their weight to make myself feel better, there would be outrage! What if I was having a bad eating day, or I was really off track with my excersize, and to lighten my mood, I said, well at least I'm not fat! Seriously, that would be awful.
But why do people get to poke fun at thin people? Calling them names like "skinny" and "scrawny". Here's a plug for the thin people, that hurts our feelings! Who wants to be called "scrawny" or "skinny"? What about "skin and bones"? Well that sounds attractive, what a compliment! I heard someone say "just remember that skinny people have nothing to hug"...... Wow. That's so rude. I'm a "skinny" person. My poor husband has nothing to hug?
I want to be healthy. I want to be in my healthy weight range. I want excersize to be a daily part of my life. I want my kids to watch my eating patterns and follow suit, so that they don't have to experience the bondage to food that tells you to "live to eat" instead of "eat to live".
I want to encourage others who are close to me to be healthy as well. I want to share all that I've learned about the human body, about food and excersize. About tricks and tools on losing weight, or excersizes that give you the most cardio or resistance.
I no longer want to keep quiet, in fear of making someone else feel "fat". I no longer want to shrink back in fear of being judged by others that may think I'm obsessed with weight, or that I'm vain because I'm "already thin".
I know who I am, I know how far I've come, and I choose to be proud of that, instead of hiding my joy. I'm not vain, no more than anyone else. I'm not obsessed, I'm passionate.
I want to walk this road just like everyone else, in a society that tells us how to look how to feel what to do and what beautiful looks like. It's hard living in this world and walking this road no matter what size you are.