Have been having one rockin' party over here! Sorry if you weren't invited, you missed one heck of a time. Hanging out with me myself and I, snacking on pity with extra anger and a side of guilt. Like I said, one heck of a party...
Had a real good conversation with a friend. It was nice to hear and know that what I'm feeling is totally ok, and that sticking to myself isn't a bad thing. I know that I have good friends, that love me, even if they haven't called. They don't know what to say, and I know that. I know that they are respecting my need for personal space right now, and that they will all be waiting for me when I get back. I know that I am in God's loving hands, and that His mercy is bigger than any of the wrong choices I've made lately. He knows where I'm at, and He still loves me. This has been so refreshing.
My days are getting better, I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel is a little bit brighter. And while there are still things God and I need to trudge through, I know I have a loving family that will walk it with me. We've all been leaning on eachother, not feeling like we have to do or be anything, not having to explain anything because we all already know, and it's ok. For the first time through it all, I'm feeling a sense of anticipation to see the things that God has planned through this unfold.
I'm realizing that this whole thing is bigger than anything I can grasp right now. Holding my first born son cradled in my arms, in the hospital room where my sister's first born son was breathing his last breaths, I know holds more revelation than I can handle. What is God doing?
I'm enjoying my time to myself these days, I know it's exactly what I need. I'm not going to push myself anymore, I'm not going to force myself to do things or go places. I think I'm up for just being. I need my hubby, my daughter and son, my sister and brother, my neices and nephew (wow does that ever feel like a typo), and my parents. Good thing I won't have to walk too far. ;)