Thursday, November 16, 2006

coming out of my pity party, and that sun looks great

Have been having one rockin' party over here! Sorry if you weren't invited, you missed one heck of a time. Hanging out with me myself and I, snacking on pity with extra anger and a side of guilt. Like I said, one heck of a party...

Had a real good conversation with a friend. It was nice to hear and know that what I'm feeling is totally ok, and that sticking to myself isn't a bad thing. I know that I have good friends, that love me, even if they haven't called. They don't know what to say, and I know that. I know that they are respecting my need for personal space right now, and that they will all be waiting for me when I get back. I know that I am in God's loving hands, and that His mercy is bigger than any of the wrong choices I've made lately. He knows where I'm at, and He still loves me. This has been so refreshing.

My days are getting better, I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel is a little bit brighter. And while there are still things God and I need to trudge through, I know I have a loving family that will walk it with me. We've all been leaning on eachother, not feeling like we have to do or be anything, not having to explain anything because we all already know, and it's ok. For the first time through it all, I'm feeling a sense of anticipation to see the things that God has planned through this unfold.

I'm realizing that this whole thing is bigger than anything I can grasp right now. Holding my first born son cradled in my arms, in the hospital room where my sister's first born son was breathing his last breaths, I know holds more revelation than I can handle. What is God doing?

I'm enjoying my time to myself these days, I know it's exactly what I need. I'm not going to push myself anymore, I'm not going to force myself to do things or go places. I think I'm up for just being. I need my hubby, my daughter and son, my sister and brother, my neices and nephew (wow does that ever feel like a typo), and my parents. Good thing I won't have to walk too far. ;)


  1. Anonymous7:59 PM

    I've been thinking about you a lot, and praying for you and your family. Thanks for taking time out to encourage me on my blog. You are incredibly special, and I really, really appreciate our blogging friendship. With love...

  2. Every story worth reading has sunshine and shadows, happiness and sadness. There is no shame in having a full range of emotions and feeling every one. Feel free to be, God can handle if even if a the humans can't.

  3. You have such a wonderful testimony that will reach others at just the right time. Let yourself be just the way you need to be to walk through each step. I'm so thankful that you have such a close family both emotionally and physically. Be yourself and stay close to God and will walk the way it needs to....

  4. I totally understand that wanting to be by yourself and just being ok with that, it's taken me a long time to learn to be ok with that part of who I am.....embrace this time, enjoy God and who he is...
    You will be blessed, thanks for sharing and being real about yourself.

  5. I am glad your tunnel is getting light:) Still lovin' you!

  6. Anonymous11:33 AM

    Ok, lets try this again! (I just left a comment and because I have beta, it didn't work!)

    Thanks so much for the comment you left on my blog today about our decision. It really encouraged me and reminded me to just keep walking in Gods ways and not our own. Its been a hard decision, and I still wonder if we "heard" God correctly...but I have the peace that we did. Some people don't get it and never will, and thats fine. I'd just rather be pleasing God, than pleasing others or ourselves if that is not His hard as that can be at times. Thanks for sharing about your friends that had to make a similar choice, its nice to know that we're not the only ones!

    I'm so happy to hear that your feeling better. Your family has been through alot. I can't even begin to imagine how life has been for you all as of late. But, I know that God never gives us more than we can handle. That He will stand by you, He will never leave you or forsake you. He will lift you up when you're feeling low...He will hold you when you need to be held.

    I'm praying for you all right now. I hope that you...and everyone else who has been so deeply affected by your loss has a great day! That the sun will look brighter, that the sky will look bluer. That you see God and is amazing creation in everything you see.

    Take care Nin!