Sunday, May 24, 2009

My rant, for those who want it and those who don't.

Sorry to dissapoint those of you who thought I was going to rant and rave about all the rumors flying around about cheating and scandals, but I side with my stranger friend Melanie in remaining unbiased to things I know nothing about.
I do however know a bit about Kate as a wife. Heeding my dear Sherry's 'warning', yet not nessesarily thinking I need it, I believe my frustrations are to encourage.

Coming up on my 5th year anniversary with my hubby, I've been incredibly drawn to Kate, in the kind of wife that she is. She's almost like a greasy food, I'm drawn to her, but then feel like crap afterwards. Maybe the proper sentence of my last post should've been "Watching Kate makes me sick" (since my wording seemed to create some hype), however, I thought "I hate" sounded a little prettier and not so messy.

It's been funny to see how every year I write a little anniversary post, about how far we've come and how much more in love we are with eachother blah blah blah, only to sound like a broken record one year later. I'm blessed by the team that we've become, knowing that we're a strong one, and also knowing that it's only going to get better, and we're only going to get stronger as the years go on.

Our dating relationship, as well as the first year we were married, was a different story. We were not a team, not even close. I think the reason why I'm so sickened by watching Kate, is she reminds me of me, and the crap I used to walk in. Seeing how she talks over Jon and barely lets him get a word in, seeing how she bosses him around with no respect or manners, treating him like he's one of the 8 kids, is exactly how I used to talk to Chris. And yes, I'm ashamed to admit that. It's a wonder he even married me....

I think even more than simply being frustrated for their marriage, is knowing that many women out there, reading the smut mags and keeping up with the rumors, have come to the conclusion that Kate is the victim. Because of what Jon did (or didn't do) leaves Kate as "poor Kate", yet no one talks about the happenings leading up to his choices. I'm not going to condone anything Jon may have (or haven't) done, because honestly, I don't know a whole lot about what Jon thinks, since Kate does all the talking. He has said however that he's unhappy. He hates being 'Jon and Kate plus 8', he wants to just be Jon, but Kate refuses to quit the show. Many have their own opinions as to what Kate motives are for refusing. Money, fame, but whatever the case, I can in good conscience say they are selfish, if they are coming before Jon.

Their marriage resembles nothing like a team with mutual respect, it resembles a boss and a employee, and the boss is never satisfied. I've known a marriage that resembled this. She was always treating him like dirt, nothing he did was ever good enough, and one day, he snapped. He made some bad choices, and she left him. She was the poor victim of his bad choices, and the way she treated him was left hush hush. Honestly, if my spouse treated me that way, I'd probably snap too.

Watching Kate and the way she treats Jon makes my skin crawl, and contrary to what some may think, I believe that the ever evil "hate" actually IS from the Lord. It's not Kate I hate, it's the sin. God uses situations we've been in, or have seen others walk through, to grow a heart that desires holiness. I desire to see holiness in marriage. I may be directing my hate at the wrong target, but such is life.

When I look at my marriage, I smile. I know we don't have it all together, I know we still have a lifetime of learning ahead of us, but I smile, because we're friends. We're best friends! We have fun like friends, we talk like friends, we treat eachother like friends. I see so many marriages, Jon and Kate being just one, that are totally barren of these things. It makes me sad, (but mostly mad because it seems to be my favorite emotion) that they are missing out on so much.

The season premiere of Jon and Kates next season is tomorrow night. I hope, I really hope, that they can work things out, however, I think it's safe to say, that if they try to do it infront of the world, they won't. If Kate continues with the show, and continutes to starve Jon of what he needs, which is respect, their marriage will fall apart, it's just a matter of when.


  1. Great post Nin. I dislike how she talks down to her husband. Its disgusting actually. I also hate the "love taps" aka smacks she gives him. Imagine if her hubby was giving her those??
    She belittles her hubby constantly and it is painful to watch...I can't imagine being on the receiving end of that.
    My hubby summed it up last night, he said, "if their marriage was important to them they'd walk away from the show."
    I don't pay too much attention to what the tabloids say, but my annoyance is her attitude.
    I think the new show might be titled, "Jon-Kate + Eight".

  2. Totally agree. And your hubby is so right. I can't imagine how she treats him when the camera ISN'T on them.

  3. The question I have is...Was Jon ever the head of the home OR did Kate push him out it. I have never seen Jon stand up for himself. Did Kate give him many chances only to see him do nothing.

    They say that dogs who do not have a pack leader will become the leader. If they do not want the position, they are the yappy nervous, bitey poorly behaved ones.

    Here is another thought, why is it that people who win the lottery are usually bankrupt in something like 10 years or less?

    Jon and Kate went from nothing to something in a very short time. They are under a microscope that no one should ever have to live with. Imagine your mother-in-law ctitizing your every move, then multiply it by the population of North America. And add in 8 kids all under the age of 10.

    Boy I would never ever want to be in Kates shoes, let alone walk a mile in them. I sincerly hope that when Jon starts to get a back bone that Kate will allow him to lead with out a fight.

  4. wow.
    you have explained yourself totally. you have incredibly life giving points here.
    1. the whole victim thing. in a marriage, there are two people. each responsible for their own personal choices, YET....they are one flesh and what one does will ALWAYS affect the other. The trouble with the statement I just made was that most human see it BACKWARDS.
    human will say, "what THEY do-affects ME! THEY are responsible for their own choices." It's such a typical human response that is convenient for our own selfishness.
    when really we should be saying, " What I choose, affects my SPOUSE, and I OWN my OWN choices"

    Being that my own marriage was lost and it was a complete miracle that we are together....I have learn a thing or two.
    Joe did some things that hurt. But when I look at the wife I really was behind closed doors....I cringe. I NEVER want to be that wife again. I took him totally for granted. At the end of the day, I'm sure that Joe wondered if I really loved him. After all the disrespect, after all the attitude.
    I smile when I read that you and Chris are friends. I almost lost that with MY BEST FRIEND!!! My joe IS my best friend. But when you start treating them as an employee/employer relationship....IT WILL CRUMBLE.

    If you are married, you have a gift....I echo my sis....TREAT your spouse like one. Never take for granted what God has given you. I pray that I never will again.

    Good post. I love when you stir up controversy! it gets us all thinking.

  5. I enjoyed your post. Lets hope that this whole public "thing" with them spurs us women on to being the respectful wives God intended us to be and not just more juicy gossip. I know your comments have made me look at what kind of wife I am.

  6. THACI: I agree with you, a little. Yes, when the man isn't being the head, the women will step up feeling that if she doesn't, no one will run the home. But does that make her entitled to treat him like dirt? Does that mean, that when the man actually IS the head of the home, that this is how he treats his wife? Obviously not....
    I agree completely, that under a microscope, life would be really really hard! I definately would never profess that I could do it any better! However, they chose to live under a microscope, and even after seeing all the damage it's doing to their marriage, they are still choosing to live under this microscope. I find it difficult to feel sorry for something they chose, and for something they could quit anytime, yet don't.
    But really, who cares. This is a couple I don't know, I've never met, and probably never will. My heart isn't about THEM, it's about marriage. My sis summed it up perfect when she said don't take your spouse for granted. Underneath my frustrations and vents, that IS my point.

  7. I agree with you, those are all very very good points!! I always cringe when I hear her talk to Jon... and I will NEVER forget that Toys R Us episode...

  8. :D. I have your leap frog lily pad thing. Going to MB think weekend, but I think I could swing by tomorrow. Let me know.

  9. Stupid comment thing now I have to redo it.....

    "As always you inspire and amaze me, You are everything I need and am not. I am the lucky one to have you I love you so much babe."


    P.S. I used you account to post this :)

  10. It took me 4 tries to figure it out........................

  11. yep, i totally TOTALLY agree with you. i think that the whole process of their relationship lead up to this. i was watching the whole "jon and kate plus 8" marathon this weekend, and while there were a FEW moments when Kate showed humility or apologized for the times she freaked on him, for the most part she showed NO respect for him. And like we've learned, respect is a HUGE thing for our guys. without it, the relationship falls flat and begins to look ugly.

    yay! Happy Anniversary, you guys are TOTALLY a team and I'm happy for you, and you've definitely grown into a beautiful thing :)

  12. Ah yes, I also knew of a marriage that resembled Jon and Kate but worse in terms of the wife's behaviour. Needless to say, the husband is now happily married.

    To his second wife.

  13. I agree. I hate how she is a boss and I really don't like reality shows.

    Love you