God grant me patience.......and hurry!

"Don't ask God for patience unless you want it to be tested."
Recently, God has brought a relationship to my attention that needs my time effort and yes, patience. Through this relationship I've realized how much I carry the spirit of divorce. Whenever I've had all that my flesh can handle, I pull away, I avoid, I separate. And what God has been speaking is 'No, I want you to go forth and humble yourself. Lay down your rights and be my servant.' When God told me these things I was all for it, sure God! I'm game for that. But as I've already found, my patience is being tried and tested. I'm being pruned and molded. My character is showing signs of selfishness, pride and arogance, and I'm wondering why I ever asked God for His patience in the first place. I'm pondering how much simpler it would be to do as I always do and retract, however, there is a much bigger picture here. I need to remember that I'm fighting FOR this relationship, and not fighting against it. My weapon is aimed at the wrong target! And anyway, I've got the wrong weapon in my hand, no wonder I'm feeling defeated. I want to be a witness of the love of Christ, and a missionary of His glory. I want people to see me carrying my cross, instead of all the same junk that the world offers. I want to preach the gospel at all times, without using words. My hearts desire is for patience, that I might run the race to it's fullest.
-Nin