You know that very distinct difference between being the 'bride' and being a wife? I can remember everyone always asking me durring the months and weeks before our wedding, "So, how's 'the bride' feeling? How's 'the bride' holding up?" Seemed that after we got married I never heard any "How's the wife?" I guess the commotion at that point was just, over. So here I am, as pregnant as this little body is ever going to get, tired, heavy, irratated, emotional, anti-social, and every time I see the whites of anyone's eyes....."How's the preggy feeling?" Sigh, I'm ready for the comotion to be over, and to enter into the next stage, where no one really asks questions anymore, where people kind of just leave you alone. I want to enter mommy-hood.
I've hit this place where I just want to be within the four walls of my house and in the company of my husband. I dread the thought of being around a bunch of people, hearing the same old twenty questions that I don't want to answer anymore. Yes, I'm still pregnant. Yes, I'm getting very large. Yes, my back still bothers me. Yes, I'm very uncomfortable. No, I don't sleep very well. No, my hormone levels and emotions are not stable. No, I don't feel completely prepared for the coming of this baby but YES! I want it out.
Ahhhh, in the end, I just want to meet this little one. I want this little one to be comfortable in the new room my husband and I have created for it's arrival. I want to know if God blessed my little girl with a sister or a brother. I want to experience mommy-hood in the way God intended it within the holy grounds of marriage.
It's been difficult for me to see past the physical pains this pregnancy has come with. I've had times of feeling very selfish and less than, when I hear others who are pregnant count every moment as a blessing and a miracle. I feel jealous when I hear of others who feel great from day one to delivery day, and wonder why I was chosen to walk this road instead of that one. I know on the other side, there is a glorious road awaiting me, and anything that may have been taken from me now, will be given back tenfold, as my heavenly father has promised.
For now, my little body still endures the hardships of creating and bearing life inside it, and still excitingly awaits the day that my little one will bless me and my family with it's presence. Until then......the love of my Heavenly Father, the reassurance of my husband, the gentleness of my daughter, naps, a whole lot of kleenex and Tums..........it's all I need.