Livin Forgiven

2011-02-21T08:47:00.000-08:00

Faithful obedience to God is vital, but it is not all God draws us to. It is not sufficient for our healing, no more than doing the laundry is sufficient for our marriage. And it will not be enough in the long run to carry us through. The persecuted church is vast today. More Christians are being martyred in our lifetime than in any other time in church history. It is not obedience that is carrying our brothers and sisters - unwavering, steadfast, eye ablaze - to their deaths. It is holy, fierce passion. Hearts afire.
For the root of all holiness is Romance.

(blurb from "Captivating")

Driving for Dummies.

2010-11-01T15:34:00.000-07:00

Hello and welcome to driving for dummies. My name Mrs. Nin and I'll be your instructor.
Driving for dummies is a beginner driver course, although, not limited to beginner drivers. Oddly enough, there are people on the road who've been driving for years and still do not understand these simple concepts.

Please take a moment to examine this sign....

Once you've had a good look, examine the following one....

The first thing you probably noticed, is that the two signs are not the same. Yes, you're correct, they are different. Good work people!
The first sign is a merging sign, meaning, you will be merging into and along with traffic.
The second sign if you'll notice the dotted line, is actually preparing you for your very own added lane. Yes people, your very own lane!
Now, let's say it together,
Merging........Own lane. Merrrrrging. OWN lane.
Very good.
Now the key to following these signs, is to first, read them. When you pull up to a right hand turning lane, watch the signs. If you see the second added lane sign, well by golly, don't hesitate to drive into it.
Would it help if you knew that lane was there just for you? It's true! No need to slow down to the speed of a snail, and definitely no need to stop. Heavens please, no stopping. The sign was placed there so that you know NOT to stop.
I know that realizing these things after years of driving, and years upon years of stopping and holding up traffic while other people sit and wait for you to "merge" when there isn't actually any merging involved since you have your own lane and all, not to mention years of driving and never really understanding road signs, can be a bit of a blow to the pride. But don't worry, there's no judging here. This is a safe place. And hey, we all make mistakes. The key is to learn from them, and for the love of pete stop stopping and holding up traffic at an added lane turn.

This concludes our driving for dummies. Thank you, and please help yourself to some refreshments on the back table before you go.

A song that blesesd me today.

2010-10-26T18:21:00.000-07:00

"Will Not Be Moved"

I have been the wayward child
I have acted out
I have questioned Sovereignty
And had my share of doubt
And though sometimes my prayers feel like
They're bouncing off the sky
The hand I hold won't let me go
And is the reason why...

I will stumble
I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved

Bitterness has plagued my heart
Many times before
My life has been like broken glass
And I have kept the score
Of all my shattered dreams and though it seemed
That I was far too gone
My brokenness helped me to see
It's grace I'm standing on

And the chaos in my life
Has been a badge I've worn
Though I have been torn
I will not be moved

I will stumble
I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved

tidbits at random in no particular order....

2010-10-20T14:00:00.000-07:00

I heart dancing, especially at gay clubs, where I don't get hit on.

I hate it when people wait to merge, when they have their own lane to pull into. Hello, read the sign.

I don't do telephone surveys, ever. Ever.

I hang up on telemarketers before they have a chance to speak.

I'm addicted to 90210 and all it's drama, and I often watch it with my mouth open.

I like chips. No. I LOVE chips. But not weird kinds.

I had a dream the other night that I was washing my kitchen floor, with bleach, and a scrubbie. Yes, even in dream land, I'm cleaning.

I heart P!nk, and all her feministic goodness.

I secretly judge people's parallel parking.

I will start to crave chocolate milk if I haven't had it in a long time. A long time being a few days.

I am getting antsy to set up my amazingly perfect Christmas idol so that I can sit on my couch and worship it's amazing perfection.

I was once told my Christmas tree looks like a Sears display tree, which was intended as a insult, but it was one of the best compliments I'd ever received.

I've grown to be picky of where I'll go out to eat, and feel like a bit of a snob.

Sometimes I doodle my name just like the symbol for the band nine inch nails complete with the square around the NIN and the backwards N, even though I don't like nine inch nails.

I've recently come to love writing angry songs, even when I'm not feeling angry, and I'm loving the freedom of not being in the writing box I put myself in anymore.

I'm sick of my hair to no end, again.

2010-10-13T11:07:00.000-07:00

Walking, running, sitting, standing, and fighting through this road life has led me to in this last year has been nothing short of hard, confusing, and all kinds of ridiculous. I've made many mistakes along the way, and have experienced many victories as well.
I heard it said just a few days ago, spoken to me by someone who's walked very closely with me through the trials, that there really isn't a right or wrong way to walk this road. My black and white brain finds that difficult to grasp, as there must be a right way, and wrong way, right?
But the more I pick apart what the heart of this message is, the more I realize the truth in it. I'm a human, and I will make mistakes, but as long as I'm headed, or at least, pointed in the right direction, then I'm ok. I am OKAY.
When my head is swimming in lies and accusations, and when the outside world knowingly or unknowingly attacks me to my very core, I get confused. Am I really ok? If the answer to this question is, am I pointed and walking in the right direction, then I can say in confidence, that yes, I am just fine.
Walking with my counselor, she reminds me that there is no one on this earth like me. That can be hard for me to wrap my head around, because there are tons of people like me. Tons of people like to dye their hair until the cows come home, tons of people love tattoos, piercings, fashion. Many people out there have a song writing ability, have two kids, have a husband. And heck let's me honest, do you know how many people drive a Sunfire? :P
It's such a freeing thought, and a big sigh of relief, that these things aren't what make me ME. These things actually have nothing to do with who I am inside. When I feel attacked in who I am as a woman, a wife, a mother, a human being wrestling with life, love and other mysteries, there is a truth I can fall back on that makes it all just fine. Who I am in Christ, can not be shaken.
I understand now, why I fell apart. I understand now why I shattered. I understand that me breaking apart into a million little pieces, actually had nothing to do with what has happened on the outside. I understand that my house was not built on the rock.
While I may not fully be there yet, I know without a doubt, that I am pointed in the direction of building my house on the rock. I choose to believe (although, I may not always feel that choice), that if the world fell apart around me right now, that I would be ok. I choose to believe that if everything I've come to believe about the world around me turned it's back on me, that I would be ok. I've realized that my expectations have been in the wrong place. People will hurt me, people will harm me. Do I have rights? Yes. I have the right to respond in love, and I have the right to walk away in that love. My expectations for love and respect are too high, and will not be met.
But, expecting that God will come through, that God will restore and set free, that God will heal and finish what He's started, these are expectations I can have.
In anticipation, I wait...

2010-09-05T19:47:00.000-07:00

Just a few things I've learned recently:

-Deep fryers are pure evil.

-Laundry isn't as hard as it tells me it is.

-Tattoos get very itchy.

-Certain acne medications can clear up your acne, and then give you loads full in other places where you had none.

-Just because I find a white speck in my hair, does not mean I have lice.

-Living in a constant state of fear of lice, is not beneficial.

-The people that annoy you the most, are usually just like you used to be.

-Saying the word shit accomplishes nothing, but sometimes makes me feel better.

-Most lies are half true.

-Popping 4 codeine pills will make me feel stoned.

-Popping 2 codeine pills is smarter.

-If you eat too many sour cream and cheddar chips, they will start to taste funny.

-Depending on where you're at in life, and where they're at in life, some people have NO idea what you're talking about.

-We Canadians say EH, an awful lot.

2010-08-26T17:12:00.000-07:00

Houseflies.

Pesky little buggers, that many of us have grown to deal with as a regular and normal part of life. Except me of course.

Did you know that flies cannot eat solid food? They need to consume their food in liquid form. So, when a fly lands on your food, which is most likely in solid form, it will actually vomit on your food, to break down and soften your food in order to eat it.

Me? I'm not a huge fan of vomit. Kid vomit, adult vomit, bug vomit, vomit is vomit. I mean, I'm sorry to be a pain, but vomit, just really isn't my cup of tea. I would much rather eat my food in peace, without there being microscopic fly vomit on it. But hey, that's just me.

God has a funny way of using the strangest things to speak to me through, and most recently, He decided to use a fly.

I was in a counseling meeting last Saturday morning. I was finally sharing some things that had been bubbling up to the surface, that hadn't been shared or spoken of in years, and years, and years. It was a very hard meeting. Facing some of those things was very hard, and very painful, but in the end, there was only one thing I could do to move on, and that was to forgive myself.

During the first half of our meeting, there was a fly, stuck between the window pane and the screen. The window had been left open just enough for him to find his way in, but not quite enough for him to find his way out. For over a half an hour, this fly buzzed and buzzed, only to hit the window over and over. At times he would take a break to rest, only to start up again after a few minutes to try again. My counselor finally at one point, got up to let this loud, noisy and obnoxious fly out.

In that moment I smiled. I smiled because God poured out an amazing picture. I smiled because just like me, that fly did not want to be stuck in that window, and he wasn't choosing to bang his head on the same wall over and over. To him, he couldn't understand why he could see this magical world outside, and no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't reach it. I smiled because my counselor thought to let him out, and I smiled because even when she opened the window, the fly still didn't fly out. She had to blow him in the right direction, but with that little push, that fly was free. I smiled because in that moment, I felt free.

It made me think of most of the time, I'm my own worst enemy. When I bang my head on the same wall over and over, and beat myself up for not getting something that seems so simple, when in reality, when you're stuck between a screen and a window pane, life is anything but simple, in fact, everything is complicated, and everything is overwhelmingly hard. It made me think about how Jesus has unlocked the doors for me, and how it's my choice to walk through them, but in the times where I'm tired and weary from being stuck for so long, He never ever gets frustrated, instead, He finds ways or people to help blow in the right direction.

I smiled because in that moment, God made things incredibly simple. His love, is incredibly simple. In the times when I'm complex, complicated, confused and overwhelmed, His love for me is still, incredibly simple.

I will still kill my houseflies as soon as they enter my home. I will still be disgusted with them vomiting on my food, to the point of being ridiculously anal as I tend to be. But I think, that maybe.............I'll still smile.

Hi, I'm Nin, and I'm a clean freak

2010-08-19T17:21:00.001-07:00

Hi, I'm Nin, and I'm a clean freak.

I haven't always been this way, in fact, I used to be one of the people who kept her house in such a way, that the me that is now, would probably feel uncomfortable visiting.

Growing up, I had a mom, who when she was growing up, had no mom. My mom was forced to drop out of school in grade 5, and become the mom to her 5 brothers, and the keeper of the home. My mom had never in her life been tobogganing, until I was 7 years old, and my mom had never been swimming, or even worn a bathing suit until she was on her honeymoon. These are the types of things kids do, and since, my mom was never able to be a kid, she never did them.
So, when my mom had us girls, she decided, come hell or high water, she would never make us do what she had to do growing up. We got to be kids, everyday, all day, period.

This meant, no chores. Yes, you heard me, NO CHORES.

This backfired on my mom, when we grew up to be teenagers, who made various disgusting messes all over the house, who kept our bedrooms as pig sty's, and when asked to lift a finger to help, we refused. My mom would go so long in frustration, only to cave after hounding me over and over, and finally clean my bedroom. Yes, my mom cleaned my bedroom until the day I moved out.

As you can guess, moving out was a massive slap of reality smack dab in the face. My apartment was a BOMB, and I had NO idea how to clean it. I didn't have a dishwasher, and I would use literally every single dish in the entire kitchen (even soup ladles as spoons, and baking mixing bowls for cereal) was dirty. This meant, that when it was finally time to wash dishes, instead of it taking me 10 minutes, it took me 2 hours. I didn't know simple things like, you need to actually wash your kitchen sink because bacteria grows in there, or, you need to wash the grime off your tub otherwise your bathing in your own filth. I had never washed a floor, I had never cleaned a fridge or an oven, I had never organized a linen closet. In my first year on my own, I was on the phone with my mom and sis almost everyday, with the silliest of questions: "How do I wash my tub? How long do I let the oven cleaner sit? Can I use bleach on the inside of my fridge?"

It was a sad and painful journey, but eventually, I learned, I got it, and I loved it.

Through our years of marriage, I've learned that, the person who kept her apartment in complete chaos, mess and uncleanliness, just isn't me. The me I've come to know, likes clean, and likes it an awful lot. This last year of marriage, parenting, womanhood, Christianity, friendship and general life, has been hard, and verrrrrry slow moving. Many things in my life got completely put on hold, my housekeeping passion being just one of them. These last couple of months, for the first time in a year, I've felt like me again. I've been keeping my house in tiptop shape, just as I once loved. I've been having supper ready when if not before my husband gets home from work. I've been grocery shopping. I've been organizing. I've been me.

So, if you and this me that I speak of, have never actually met, please, allow me to introduce myself. Hi, I'm Nin, and I'm a clean freak. I like my house clean, and I like it an awful lot. I love finding little specks of dirt or grime on my white cupboards, specks that no one would ever notice except me, and I love the sense of accomplishment I feel when I wipe them away. I love washing my tub, and cleaning all the taps until they're all shiny and sparkly. I love the peace that I hope people feel when they walk into my living room, when there isn't crap laying all over the place and they don't know where to sit. I also love the beach and red wine. I'm pleased to meet you.

Even more than all that, I love that this is me. I love that I'm ok that this is me. I love that I'm free to break free from the mold that was set out for me. It's time to come out of the closet. That I'm anal, meticulous and very picky. That I don't like pet hair, dirt, mysterious sticky substances, and I hate the smell of moldy dishcloths. I also love the smell of Windex a little more than I should, but that's neither here nor there.

Super Mario and all his goodness.

2010-08-05T08:00:00.000-07:00

Growing up, we had very little money. We didn't have fancy toys and brand new bikes. Most of our clothes were hand-me-downs from some stranger somewhere else in the city who'd bought the clothes new, wore them until they had holes, and sent them to the second-hand store. We were never those kids who would walk to the store with their friends to buy treats, or stop the dickee dee man when he heard him coming down our street with popsicles. It was the norm to not have money, it was what we were used to, and before you go feeling sorry for us, we actually had a pretty fun childhood, and were raised to be thankful, grateful people.

This one Christmas, my parents were feeling anxious, as I'm sure they did every year, about what on earth they could possibly afford to buy for us. They entered their name in a draw at the local video store to win a brand new Super Nintendo. And yes, you guessed it, they won! :)
That Christmas, was the most glorious Christmas in the whole wide world. We for the first time ever, had a super cool thing of our very own, that we didn't have to borrow from someone else, or send back because we couldn't afford it, it was ours, to keep.

My sister and I became obsessed with Super Mario World. We became obsessed with passing the entire game, finding all the secrets, getting the most lives, and generally, becoming Super Mario pro's, that no one could measure up to.

For me, along with this obsession for Mario, came an unhealthy outlook on life. I had become, an addict. Priorities were out of whack. Life stopped. Nothing mattered anymore, if it didn't involve passing a level, winning or playing. I started viewing Mario as a real person, who was my friend. I'd become angry with my friend if he chose to not jump quite high enough to reach the last coin, and fall down a hole and die. I'd also be elated, and thankful for his friendship when he decided to win the level, find that secret we'd been so desperately trying to find, or kill that last boss that took us 10 tries.

I would often get in trouble, for yelling at the tv screen or throwing the controller if Mario wasn't listening. My parents would ask me to go play outside, or for the love of God, do something, anything else. But on that spot on the carpet, I stayed. It was my home.

One night, when my dad was working the graveyard shift at Mac's, he said his goodbyes to me, as I sat on my claimed section of carpet, around 10 pm, only to find me in the exact same spot, the next morning at 8 am. He asked if I'd slept, I said no. In his tired state, he went off to bed, and I carried on, taking over the world one level at a time.

Then came the ever embarrassing day, that no one in my family has ever let me live down. Sitting in my claimed section of carpet, obsessed with one particular level that I'd tried to pass but failed, over a million times, I just knew, I was about to pass it, I could feel it. Around the same time of feeling uber confident in my skills, and knowing that my friendship with Mario was on good terms, was the same time that nature started calling me towards, the bathroom.

Now, I can't fully say what went through my mind. I was sick. I had a problem, a disease, I was an addict. I was almost done the level, I knew I could do it, I couldn't let anything stand in my way, I just couldn't. I couldn't let Mario down like that, after all he'd done, so, I went. My little claimed section of carpet, now became a big wet circle of shame. My parents obviously gave me all kinds of shit, and my sister obviously pointed and laughed until she was blue in the face, but it was worth it. I passed that level, and I felt better.

Years later, I still have an addictive personality. When I find a new favorite food, I eat it, until I overdose on it, and never want to see it again. When I buy a new favorite shirt, I wear it, like as if it's the only shirt I own. I wear it until there are stains and it gets discolored. I wear it until I can't stand to look at it, and hide in the back of my closet like a dirty secret. When I find a new song, I listen to it, until I know all the words like the back of my hand. I listen to it all day every day, until it's the most annoying song in the world, then I move it off my play list and pretend it never existed. And finally, when I got a Facebook account, my real world came to a crashing halt.
I've learned that getting angry at video game characters and peeing on the carpet is not socially acceptable. I've learned to keep a tight lid on my real thoughts when it comes to things I'm addicted to, in fear of being judged as a freak. I'm still an addict. I've learned to stick to more socially acceptable accictions such as smoking, shopping, eating, changing my hair, all as ways to get a fix for the addict inside me. I've gotten better at becoming a functioning member of society, where the world continues to spin, whether Mario is a part of it or not.

Now I bring myself to today's point.

My son.

My son has become a world renowned vidiot.

Vidiot: (vih-dee-it) video game + idiot. Noun. Origin: Nin

My son is obsessed with playing video games. He'd blow you away with his Donkey Kong skills, his Mario Kart ability, his hand-eye coordination with a mouse and a keyboard on a computer, his Playstation skills, his know-how for his sister's Nintendo DS, and recently, his passion for good old Super Nintendo.

Some days I wonder if I'm raising a monster. A carpet-peeing, control throwing addict. I wonder if I should just bite the bullet now, and cover my couch and carpet in plastic. I wonder if he'll grow up to be a weirdo, who's friends want to go bike riding and run through a sprinkler outside but can't seem to drag Daniel out of the house to play. I wonder these things, and wonder if maybe, just maybe, I should take away his video games, to at least give him a chance at a normal life.

But then, I remember how fun it was to become a Super Mario pro. I remember how amazing I felt when no one could beat me at Mario Kart. I remember that even though I was once that little girl who peed on the carpet, that I've grown up to be not such a bad person.

I also remember, that my son is a freak, who's obsessed with constantly moving, talking, yelling, singing, throwing, goofing off, bugging, touching, breaking, and generally being the busiest and craziest person I've ever met in my entire life.

And when I think about those things, I give him his Gameboy, I smile, and I thank God.

The end of a friendship.

2010-07-30T09:49:00.000-07:00

I don't ask for allot. Really, I don't. Just do what you say, and say what you mean. Be honest. It's not that hard, really. I just can't see myself being your friend, if I can't trust you, or take you at your word.
With that said, I've decided to remove my friendship from someone. I just can't trust this person anymore. They've lied to me so many times, and broken so much trust. I feel so betrayed, and confused. I'm not sure what I did to this person to deserve an endless amount of lies.
I've stopped wishing this person well. I've stopped caring. They can go crawl in a hole for all I care, in fact, I really wish they would, then I wouldn't have to hear their rants anymore, just to find out that they're just more lies.
You're probably asking who this person is. And because it doesn't bother me to spew their lies all over the internet, I will tell you.
Mr. Weatherman.
Now, I've been boycotting the 14 day forecast for quite sometime. I understand that no man can predict anymore than 2 days in advance without simply guessing, and heck, even I could do that. I'll compromise my expectations even further, by laying down my need to know tomorrows weather. But Mr. Weatherman, is it too much to ask, that you predict TODAYS weather? I mean, really??
You say it's going to rain and it's scorching hot. I went to the zoo with my kids the other week and wore jeans and a tshirt, and nearly died of heat stroke, because there wasn't a cloud in the sky. You say it's going to be sunny and hot, so I invite a friend over to tan in my backyard, and we freeze and get soaked, because it ends up being cloudy and rainy.
Mr. Weatherman, do you just walk outside and look at the sky and write something down? If so, I could do this myself. When I wake up and see gray clouds in the sky, I too, could predict rain. But it's your job to know what's behind those clouds!! If I look up in the sky and see no clouds, I too, could predict sun. But didn't you go to school to know if there are clouds moving in?
Ultimately, I don't even care. I'm so cold and numb, that there's nothing that could be done to resolve this situation. I think it's just best for everyone, if I walk away. I have many clothes in my closet made for all kinds of weather. I will just arrange my life to assume that chances are, I will have to change, and chances are, there will be many days where I freeze, or melt.
As for you Mr. Weatherman, I don't think we can be friends anymore. I just don't see this working out. It doesn't seem like you're going to change.
Have a nice life.

update on my last post

2010-07-15T08:40:00.000-07:00

Since writing my last post and sharing my deep rooted hatred for Stupidstore, my husband finally released me to shop at my dream store, the glorious, Safeway.
Now, I realize that when intense emotions are involved, the chances of things being exaggerated are pretty high. But I can honestly say, I was in, heaven.
We had no list, and the plan was to have no plan. To leisurely walk up and down every isle, to take our time, and soak it all in. Would you believe, that in taking our sweet time, and hitting up every single isle, took us all of 30 minutes? People, it's true.
Not only did it take so little time, because, there were 10 isles, instead of 100, but there was nothing to distract us from our goal of picking out groceries. There was no clothing store smack dab in the middle of the warehouse. There was no makeup section the size of a small mansion. It was just, isles of, yep, you guessed it, groceries.
Coming up to the checkout, the lady actually said hello, and no, she didn't stop there. She asked how we were, and told us to have a wonderful day. While she sat there, ringing in our groceries and being pleasant, a guy bagged our groceries. Hubby and I stood there, not knowing what to do with ourselves. We basked in the peace and rest, while our groceries found their way into their bags.
Then, as if we hadn't reached euphoria just yet, we were asked, once all our bagged groceries were in the cart, if we "needed a hand with them." We giggled like school girls and said no, but wondered what on earth that could possibly mean. I've been told that they will actually push your cart to your car, and then proceed to place your bags in your trunk.
This my friends, was solid evidence, that there is a heaven, and that heaven, is found in Safeway.

2010-07-13T16:14:00.000-07:00

I hate sow bugs. They're gross and give me the creepy crawlies. I hate laundry. I can never seem to stay on top of it, and it never ever ends. I hate the wind. I can tolerate and even enjoy all kinds of weather, but wind? I don't understand winds purpose, other than messing up my hair.

I could go on and on with my list of things I hate. We all have things we hate. We can't love everything. The bible even says 'there is a time for hate'. Although, I doubt God was referring to bugs, weather and laundry.

Of all the things I hate, there's one thing that hits number one on the list. In fact, I don't just hate this thing, I loathe it.

And that thing my friends, is......................

To loathe something takes a great amount of energy and determination. Much thought and emotion. To loathe is not just to hate, but to hate greatly, and to feel intense disgust.
Yes, that about sums up how I feel about my long time enemy, Stupidstore.

It's not even that I hate grocery shopping. In fact, I quite enjoy it. Picking out new food, planning in my head all the yummy things I want to make for my family, letting my kids pick treats for the upcoming week, these things are fun to me. However, Stupidstore robs me of all that joy.
Stupidstore is huge, massive, and even when you're running in for just a few things, the massiveness of the building says, hahaha, no no no, you're time is MINE, and I say, you'll be here a while.
Stupidstore is dirt cheap, so on childtax day, welfare day, middle of the month welfare day, payday, and pretty much every other day, everyone wants a piece of Stupidstores cheap action, which means everyday, it's packed, packed, packed.
Stupidstore makes you bag your own groceries. As if cleaning out my fridge to make room for the new groceries, driving there, walking through 50 million isles to find what I need, dropping a ton of money, coming home to unload and put away all the groceries wasn't enough work, they think I need the added exercise of bagging my own groceries. Sure you may call me a priss. But if I wanted to bag my own groceries, I'd get a job at a grocery store.
Stupidstore sells me rotten meat, that stinks up my entire house when I go to cook said meat, and realize it's gone bad, not in my fridge, but in the store. Is it too much to ask that, the STORE keeps tabs on the meat they're selling? Or is it me who's expected to smell the meat before I buy it? This has happened to me so many times, that the sheer thought of buying their meat completely disgusts me.
I know I'm not the only one who loathes this awful place. I know this, because when I'm in that awful place, I'm surrounded by unhappy, annoyed, and generally irritated people. People who like me, do not want to be there.

Some people dream about what they want to be when they grow up. Some people dream of traveling, seeing the world, watching their kids grow up. Me? I dream of the day I get to shop at Safeway. Where the meat is good, where the store is the size of a store and not a warehouse, where the people have smiles on their faces because it's a nice place to work, and, an even nicer place to shop. Where the fruits and vegetables are beautiful colors other than brown, where the lettuce is lively. Where everything is where it should be, where you can run in and run out, where they actually bag your groceries, because ladies and gentlemen, it's what they're paid for. Where life is made a little easier, where the sun shines a little brighter, where heaven seems a little closer.
This is my dream. And some day, my dream will come true, and I will never have to walk into the hell that is Stupidstore ever again.

2010-07-12T08:02:00.000-07:00

Outside my window ~ Is a hummingbird feeder, which has received zero hummingbirds thus far, and a big ass pine tree that houses it.

Around the house ~ Things are pretty much in order, except for the laundry, which is busting out of the seams of every room.

I am thankful for ~ Money, and the chance to do things without guilt that we weren't able to do before. And while, there's a piece of me that feels really shallow for saying I'm thankful for money, there's a bigger piece of me that doesn't care.

Pondering these words ~ When Jesus is my portion, a constant friend is He, His eye is on the sparrow, and I KNOW, He watches me.

I am remembering~ Saturday, in the wee hours of the night, when my husband caught some lame punks breaking into our car and ran out of the house like a bat out of hell chasing after them. Good times.

Looking forward to ~ Heading to Calgary with my offspring, seeing the look on my sons face when he sees the moving dinosaurs at the zoo, and riding all sorts of crazy rides with my daughter at Calaway.

I am noticing ~ That I'm getting really sick of the blond hair, which ticks me off because I went through hell and back to get it this way.

I am thinking ~ About the copious amounts of laundry I have to do today, that it's going to suck, and that it's much easier to sit here and write a stupid blog post then get off my butt to do it.

From the kitchen ~ Am finally getting back on track and in some sort of routine. Am trying to cook more often and have supper ready or at least planned when hubby gets home. But, there are still days where everyone asks what's for supper, and mom replies, nothing.

I am going ~ Through Facebook withdrawals, yes, still.

I am hoping ~ That SOME day, I will be able to be a normal person, who washes and dries and puts away laundry, on a consistent basis, and carries on with life.

One of my favorite things ~ Talking to Tina.

I am reading ~ Nothing. I'm not much of a reader, but for the first time in a long time, I actually feel like I should be reading something.

I just saw online ~ That it's supposed to go down to 12 tomorrow. TWELVE. So. Lame.

A picture thought to share ~ My son, the boy.

Things I am thankful for...

2010-07-04T17:40:00.000-07:00

-things that can be deep fried.
-the once in a blue moon moment that my kids get along for a few glorious minutes.
-when my son tells me I have a nice bum.
-that our basement has NOT flooded.
-that we don't have a cat, or a dog, or some other various stinky pet.
-for nights we put our kids to bed early.
-that my daughter is a true shopper, knows my style, and helps me pick out things I would like, as well as joins me in making fun of things that are hideous.
-that one day, I will have a new dishwasher.
-my new bikini top.
-the sunny forecast for next weekend.
-the fact that I know well enough to not hold my breath on that forecast.
-that I still date my husband.
-gravol, tylenol, and advil.
-that I'm off facebook and all it's nonsense.

2010-06-29T09:03:00.001-07:00

Things I learned from my mom:

-that it really doesn't matter how poor you are, you can always, ALWAYS afford coffee.
-that your home in the winter should be warm enough to wear shorts and a tank top, and that wearing slippers and a sweater to save on heating bills is ludicrous.
-that there is no such thing as "going too far" when it comes to pulling pranks and making fun of people.
-that watching the road while driving is optional, especially when you're looking at a book or spying on a daughter and her friends.
-that you're never too old to watch Bugs Bunny, and laugh.

Things I learned from my dad:

-that problems fade away with the sound of music.
-that the head is a very resilient thing, and can withstand a huge picture frame, the corner of an open cupboard and a loose fence board.
-that laughing at yourself is easy.
-that laughing at people who can't laugh at themselves, is even easier.
-that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, that you're kind of always in a state of waiting for the rubber to meet the road, that you should never throw the baby out with the bathwater, that you shouldn't count your chickens before they hatch, that the proof, is always in the pudding, and that it doesn't matter if your daughter has NO idea what your sayings mean, you should still say them.

Things I learned from my sister:

-it doesn't matter how much of an expert at avoiding you are , your laundry will NEVER go away on it's own.
-that sometimes, it's okay to avoid all responsibilities and spend all day in the sun.
-that keeping a poker face when someone is digging their finger nails into your skin and shaking with rage is hard, but possible.
-that people who talk in movie quotes are cooler than people who don't.
-that laugh attacks are best when followed up with puking, coughing, gagging, and someone getting physically hurt.

Things I learned from my husband:

-that people will think you're busy and productive if you just keep moving, even if moving means twitching, jumping or shaking your leg uncontrollably.
-that knowing a tiny bit about a subject does not make you an expert, and that saying "I don't know" is surprisingly easy.
-that it's possible to reach the top of a flight of stairs in one step.
-that it's also likely one will hurt themselves if one tries.
-that you can still sing a song that you don't know the words to, by simply making it up as you go.
-that you're never too old to have a Lego magazine subscription, and you can always say it's for your kids if people ask.

Things I learned from my daughter:

-that telling a good story means you include every single detail, such as what everyone was wearing, where everyone was standing, what was happening around the people involved in the story, what the weather was like at the time of the story, and if people lose interest in the story, it's best to just keep going.
-that eating two heaping spoon fulls of straight garlic will not kill you.
-that every possession is special and has a meaning and sentiment.
-that walking around and around and around the coffee table over and over while talking on the phone is fun, and good exercise.

Things I learned from my son:

-that cleaning your room is optional.
-that sitting still is optional.
-that being quiet is optional.
-that listening is optional.
-that having fun is more important than anything in the world.
-that it really doesn't matter what people think, it's okay to be you, even if you're a freak.

2010-06-28T07:28:00.000-07:00

I'm not a morning person. Never ever have been.
When I first moved out, my sister would call me every morning. Some mornings she caught me up and functional, ready to talk. Other mornings, she woke me up, and would receive a series of grunts through the phone, to which she would respond with, 'ugh, just call me when you're awake.'
Many of our fights stemmed from those morning phone calls, because if she caught me when I was not quite awake, I was grumpy, irritable, irrational, annoyed, and generally looking to pick a fight.
I would wake up and need at least one full hour of no one talking to me or asking anything of me. I wasn't able to do anything functional, other than sip the coffee out of my cup, as well as walk to the coffee pot, to refill said cup.
Then, I got married. Turns out, a husband doesn't like it when his wife wants to bite his head off as soon as she opens her eyes. Hubby wakes up refreshed, viewing the morning just the same as any other part of the day. A time to talk, laugh, joke, plan and so on. So over the years, I worked on it, and worked on it, and worked on it.
Today, I am still not a morning person, not even close. However, I do not bite heads off, I am able to listen and actually retain information when someone talks to me, and I can walk around and accomplish things such as making breakfast for children. I'm able to greet my daughter with a "good morning" every morning, sure it may be groggy and not always genuine, but I do it. I can even muster up the strength to use words from the English language. It's not my first choice, as silence is best when it's first thing in the morning, but, I can, and I do. And sometimes, SOMEtimes, I smile.
Today, I add to my list of morning accomplishments, being able to write a nonsensical blog post.

2010-06-21T08:03:00.000-07:00

My list of 20 random nonsense questions, because I miss Facebook, and need something to do, other than clean my house.

1. when you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
"bedhead is only sexy when your hair is clean, and not holding three days worth of oil"

2. do you miss anyone right now?
Yes, I miss my hubby. He's out of town right now, and he would normally be at work anyway, and he will still be home at normal time, but, because he's out of town, I miss him.

3. if you could move anywhere else, would you?
Some days, yes.

4. if you could choose, what would your last meal be?
A fillet mignon steak medium-rare, with a side of shrimp and scallops, a glass a merlot, oh, and TONS of broccoli.

5. what famous person, dead or alive, would you want to have lunch with?
P!nk. I love her, always have.

6. what was the last book you read?
Captivating by Stasi Eldredge. It only skimmed the surface on the first read, and I have to read it again, and again, and again.

7. what was the last movie you watched?
Children of Men.

8. what was the last song you heard?
Some doo-op song by Accapella on Free. That song actually really irritates me. Not the message, but the doo-ops.

9. what is your dream vacation?
Anywhere with my husband. Except maybe in a tent. That's not in my dream.

10. what is the next trip you will take?
New Orleans baby! NEW ORLEANS!

11. did you ever go to camp?
I did, lots. One time my mom had to be called to come get me because I was homesick. Another time I counted over 100 mosquito bites, yes, 100, and another time my sisters boyfriend was supposed to keep my gravol in his pocket for the ride home, but it got all crushed, so he put it in my juice and made me drink it. Yes, I have fond memories of camp.

12. have you ever been in love?
Yes, many times, with the same person.

13. what do you want to know about the future?
Nothing. I'm easily scared, and have a tendency to bolt when things get tough. I think it's just best for everyone if I don't know.

14. where is your best friend?
In the form of a few different people. One I share a bed with, one lives down the street, one is fabulous and has seen me through my worst and my best and still calls me friend, and one I've never met.

15. how is your best friend?
They are all nothing short of amazing.

16. who is the biggest gossiper you know?
Probably me.

17. what does your last text message say?
'What are you guys doing tonight? Come to Divas.'

18. what are 3 things you've always wanted to do, that you still plan to accomplish?
Find my true worth and solid identity, be a runner and stay a runner, to love without boundaries.

19. what is one thing you learned from your parents?
That what's theirs is mine, even though what's mine isn't necessarily theirs, that spaghetti is apparently the easiest and most convenient thing to make, that laughter is the best medicine especially when laughing at your own expense, that red lights are optional as well as paying your parking tickets, that it really doesn't matter what you've done, you will ALWAYS be loved, ALWAYS.

20. what is one thing you hope to teach to your own children?
Honesty and transparency. That the raw and unedited version of 'them', is ALL they need to walk in. That when things are kept hidden, they rot and mold inside. And that when things are in the open, there are NO borders keeping them from becoming the people they want to be.

2010-06-19T17:32:00.000-07:00

I don't have a green thumb. My thumb isn't even remotely green. I've learned over the years that live plants do not add life and color to my house. Instead, they show my true colors to my friends and family, that I am not responsible enough to care, tend to, and water my plants.

This year however, I've decided to throw out the rule book I've authored for myself, and claim that I am not defined by what I am not. Along with many other crazy deeds, some regretted and some not, I decided to take a deep breath, and plant some perennials. It's still undetermined whether these poor plants will live or die, as I've already killed one shrub, but, so far so good.
I was outside this morning, enjoying my shot of "fresh" air, and noticed that one of my perennials (of which I have NO idea what it's called, because I have NO idea what I planted) was completely wilted. I thought it was dead, and beyond repair. I quickly grabbed the hose and watered the crap out of mr. nameless wilting perennial. To my amazement, just a few hours later, it looked as good as new, lifeless and gorgeous.

I'm thinking, this might be how it is with God. When we're wilting, because of all the heat and dry weather life might be throwing at us, or even because of our own refusal for water, it only takes ONE dose of water from Gods well to bring us back. So many times, I look at myself when I'm wilting, unable to see my beauty. How can a flower that's wilting still be beautiful? But Gods eyes are so much bigger than mine, and He sees my FULL potential when He looks at me.

I could very well kill all my perennials. I have no idea what I'm doing. I know that it might only take one irresponsible day of being too lazy to water them, to find they've all died a slow and painful death. So be it. If I could grab hold of this simple message, it'd be worth it. (just don't tell my husband I said that, because I spent way too much money on these stupid plants.)

2010-06-17T18:08:00.000-07:00

update on me:

-I am hardcore going through Facebook withdrawals! Some days are better than others, but I'm ashamed to admit that most days, I miss it like crazy.

-Seems that the mountains of life these days are over, and although hard times still come, they come in the form of hills. Running with even the smallest bit of incline makes for a very hard workout, but am pressing through, knowing there's no time limit, and I can take as many breaks as I need.

update on everything else:

-son is officially potty trained! PHEW.
-hubby and I are celebrating our 6th anniversary tomorrow. Double phew :P
-one more week and then schoooooooools OUT, FOR, SUMMAH!
-hubby continues to enjoy his new truck, getting it stuck any chance he gets.
-found cat poo in my freshly planted perennials this morning.
-bought a treadmill, and am thoroughly enjoying running, but even more so, enjoying not feeling like I have to.
-have nothing more to say, and am still finding it super hard to blog. Updating facebook status's with silly song lyrics and various complaints was way easier.

2010-05-31T11:45:00.000-07:00

In 6 days I will be celebrating my 6th anniversary with the love of my life. Every year around this time, I write an anniversary post, filled with all that we've learned over the years, and thoughts of how encouraged and blessed I am that things used to be so hard, and now, are so easy. That would be my normal and traditional anniversary post....
But guess what? I've discovered a gem in the last year. I'm NOT normal. And neither is my husband. We're freaks, we're ridiculous, and yes, our marriage is hard. But we're still completely and utterly in love with each other, in fact, more than ever.
Instead of my long "we are perfect for each other" list, here's a glimpse of what life really looks like:

-We eat copious amounts of food at night. Probably the equivalent of 3 meals in one. A night where we don't go to bed mumbling the words "my tummy hurts me", where then the other replies "dude....I know." is considered an "off-night".

-I love to pick the skin off around my nails, and by pick the skin off, I mean, pick until I see blood. After a bad day, Chris came and sat down beside me while I sat in silence, picking away. He offered me his hand, to which, I gladly accepted. He then spent the next week complaining about the massively deep hangnail I gave him. He has since not offered me his hand on a bad day.

-I've developed a foreign morning language, and my husband has developed the gift of interpretation. It's called 'grunting'. Two grunts for "coffee" and four grunts for "what time is it". We plan on continuing to expand the language, to the point where we won't have to speak english ever again.

-My husband twitches in his sleep, and by twitches, I mean convulses, seizures and completely shakes the bed. For the most part I've learned to live with it, although, there have been nights where I've woken him with savage "love-taps", followed with, DUUUUDE!!! WOULD YOU JUST SLEEP STILL!!!!!

-Some couples have nice cutesy nicknames for each other, like sweetums or shmootsie. My husband and I on the other hand, refer to each other as 'DUDE'. We just find it easier, being only one syllable and all.

-I'm very easily scared. At least three times a week my husband will scare the crap out of me by doing one of the following: simply walking into a room, falling down (or up) the stairs when he's trying to be elastic man, or, my personal favorite, a sneeze, which are so loud you could hear it from across the street. I've learned to be loving in knowing that it's not his fault, by only getting mad at him occasionally.

-One day about a year ago, while putting away the dishes, I found a small little plastic toy gorilla sitting on the top shelf of the cupboard, having no idea where it came from or how it got there. Since then, Chris and I take turns placing said gorilla all over our house, to which the other finds him in their shoe, pocket, a plant, or my personal favorite, at the bottom of my coffee cup (note: being easily scared, when I first saw something black and floating in the bottom of my coffee, I thought it was a bug and screamed. Of course, I called Chris to A: give him poop for scaring me, and B: give him kudos on the awesome hiding spot that I have yet to beat.)

-Sometimes each of us like to take turns enjoying the sound of our own voices, and sometimes, all that really matters is having the other one there hearing, but not necessarily listening. More than half the time, we tell each other things, and watch the hearer nod and say yes, only to bring it up a week later, and hear that same hearer say a brain-dead expressionless "HUH?"
(P.S. My hubby went out today, and before leaving asked me to turn the sprinklers off in a few minutes. When he arrived back home an hour later, he found me writing this blog post, and made note that the sprinklers were still on.)

-We recently went through a phase of watching every single episode of Seinfeld, from start to finish (180 episodes). We've now replaced that obsession with watching every single episode of The Office. Many times we watch it in bed, planning on only watching one or two episodes, which leads to 4 or 5, which leads to 2am, on a work day.

In conclusion to my ridiculous list of idiosyncrasies, we don't have all the answers. Half the time, we're scrambling to find just one answer. In this whirlwind called life, you never know when a storm is gonna hit, or a bomb is gonna drop. But we've made it our one goal, to ride whatever wave comes, and ride it hard. Because life is too short to be anything but extreme, and nothing short of ridiculous.

Happy Anniversary to the love of my life <3 ........

2010-05-26T08:51:00.000-07:00

If I was a season, I’d be Winter. Bitterly cold, but nothing compares to a winters day of staying indoors with cozy slippers and a cup of hot chocolate.

If I was a piece of furniture, I'd be a ridiculous abstract painting. Some people would look at me and think, psh, my daughter could paint that, but the true artists would find me amazing and fun.

If I was a country, I'd be Canada. Peaceful, inviting, self-sufficient, doesn't get in over her head, and doesn't pretend to have all the answers.

If I was a food, I'd be hot banana peppers. Fun only in brief spurts for some, but a keeper to the hardcores.

If I was a day, I'd be Friday. Because the trials of the week are almost over, and there's still lots to look forward to.

If I was a color, I'd be black. Because it has all the colors in one, yet doesn't need to flash that around.

If I was a letter, I’d be a letter of encouragement with no return address, just to let you know that I love the crap out of you, but don't necessarily want to hang out.

If I was a book, I'd be a complicated yet simple read, open to many different interpretations.

If I was a political leader, you would not want to vote for me, and I would not be offended.

If I was a drink, I'd be red wine. Bold, dry, classy, and makes you want to eat cheese.

If I was a man, I would be my husband, just so I could know what he really thinks and how he really feels.

If I could know the future, I would plug my ears and close my eyes, because I wouldn't want to know. Something tells me that if I could see it, I would probably run away, Thelma and Louise style.

2010-05-18T12:40:00.000-07:00

A smallish update:

Me:
-had an AMAZING first trip with my husband! We experienced many firsts together, and enjoyed each other very very much. I'm so thankful that God kept this trip hidden and protected, until His timing was perfect for us experience this trip together in such a way that made Him smile.
-feels like a fire has been reignited inside me, to seek after things that are real and raw, and to see their beauty, including the beauty within myself.
-missed my kids like CRAZY, and am so glad to be back home and in the role of mommy.
-miss my hubby while he's back at work, since the only time spent apart the whole trip was when one of us was on the potty.

Hub:
-the love of my life....
-back to work, while the sun is shinning and beckoning our skin to soak up its rays.... am trying not to distract him TOO much, by telling him of all the fun in the sun we're having, and how much I wish he was home, with me, in the sun, with a beer, in the hammock, but..... I'm failing miserably, by calling him and messaging him often, telling him all of the above.
-is an amazing MAN....that I am honored to call the man I married for my entire lifetime.

Precious girl:
-cried when we left, cried when we got back. We both ran into each others arms in tears, embracing each other when we were reunited after a long 9 days apart. The only thing missing was sappy background music that would bring tears to the eyes of those watching.
-won't stop telling me how much she missed me, and how she doesn't want to leave ever again, and I can't bring myself to tell her that I can't wait to go on my next trip.
-had a fabulous time with the nanny, eating foods she loves, and being the big helper.
-is home for the long weekend, and am VERY excited to spend it with her.
-is sporting her new Roxy shirt and Sketcher flip flops that we brought back for her with style and attitude, and will definitely be following in her mothers footsteps with a shopping addiction and love of brand name, and, this makes me secretly happy and blush at the same time.

The monkey:
-ran straight to daddy, yelled daddy over and over, and only wanted daddy, and still, only talks about daddy. He loves his daddy.
-spent the day in the sun with me, running through the sprinkler, tanning on the loungers, and eating freezies.
-loves all his new toys, especially his Superman cape.
-has been the cutest thing on the face on the planet and all I want to do is hug him and kiss him and call him George, and am realizing that spending a tiny bit of time away from the monkey, is actually a good thing.
-LOVED the nanny, did SO well, which obviously makes me happy, as I'm already planning our next trip in my head.

The nanny:
-was awesome with the kids, and left a lasting impression on both of them, as well as my family who has been ranting and raving about how awesome she was the whole week.
-cleaned my entire house top to bottom in time for our arrival, complete with a wedding invitation left on our dresser. She's getting married this August, and am crossing my fingers and praying to God that she doesn't get pregnant on her honeymoon, so she can continue to be our nanny for a long time.

2010-05-02T19:55:00.000-07:00

To my faithful readers, to my long lost blogger friends, I am still here. I can't count how many times I've sat down to write a post, only to get half way through and delete it. Lots of times I sit down with TONS to say, only to realize, either A: There are things that need to stay guarded, and I have a really hard time being vague, or B: I have no idea what I'm talking about anyway. I hope to push through this writers block, it's definately going to take some discipline, since I've been so absent for so long in this little area of my life.

My ant hill. It's a cozy little nook. Not much room to move around. When I feel like getting away from the chaos of life, well, there's really nowhere to go. It isn't exactly what I had in mind, when I used to dream of my future, but for now, I call it home. Downsizing from a spacious, multi-level home to this ant hill, has come with it's challenges. Some days I feel like packing my bags and hitting the road. But home is home.
Over the last year or so, God has been renovating in my heart. A massive de-junking. Sometimes after cleaning my fridge, I look inside and think, whoa, we have absolutely NO food. What once seemed full to the brim, is now completely bare, with only a few condiments and a jug of milk. It's then that I realize my full fridge, was actually full of old rotten expired, shit.
Looking at my heart, and seeing the dejunking process still continuing, I'm starting to wonder if ANYTHING will be left at the end of the day. If my entire foundation is being ripped up, what IS left?
For now?
Jesus loves me, and Jesus fights for me.
That's it.
That's all.
How long will I carry on with this one little nugget?
Until I get it.
So, with this one, single brick in my foundation, I build my home. It's small, and dirty. But I would rather live in a small little ant hill on a brick that will NEVER break, then a huge house built on a bunch of shit.
And THAT, is all I need to know, until my heavenly Father gives me the next brick.

How Jesus sees more...

2010-03-24T13:58:00.000-07:00

A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty.
He said no.
She asked him if he would want to be with her forever.
He said no.
She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry,
and once again he replied with a no.
She had heard enough.
As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm .......
and said.......
See more... See more... See more... See more
You're not pretty,
you're beautiful.
I don't want to be with you forever.
I NEED to be with you forever.
And I wouldn't cry if you walked away,
I'd die.

Lord, help me see more.....

2010-03-23T18:25:00.000-07:00

My Mother…..
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of
next week!”

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
” Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going
to the store with me.”

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
“You’ll sit there until all those peas are gone.”

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world and I can take you out.”

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
“Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who
don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until we get home.”

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
“You are going to get it when you get home!”

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way.”

19. My mother taught me ESP.
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
“You’re just like your father.”

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand”

And my favorite…..

25.My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

2010-03-09T12:51:00.000-08:00

I will fake it until I make it....

I am beautiful.
I am worthy.
I am forgiven.
I have been rescued.
I will be healed.
I will be MORE than ok.
I will dream again.
I will dream BIG.
I can do this.
I have what it takes....

While I may not believe these things, a stilled small voice in me says these things are not only true, but the ONLY truth in the midst of this chaos. I may have lost hope, but I can still choose to hope for hope itself.

Hope CAN come for me.
Hope WILL come for me.
Hope IS coming for me.

2010-01-19T10:42:00.000-08:00

LOST.....

everything is

....lost.....

and everything I've LOVED before is

gone

ALONE.

Like the coming of the frost

and a cold winters chill in my stony heart

WHERE WERE YOU?

when all that I've hoped for...

WHERE WERE YOU?

when all that I've dreamed

came crashing down in shambles around me....

...

....

.....

you were on the cross

Pain

could you take away the pain

if I find someone to blame

would it make my life seem easier

oh Lord...

all my friends are asleep

zzzz.....

zzzzz......

and I can't find anyone to stay awake with me

WHERE WERE YOU?

when sin stole my innocence....

WHERE WERE YOU?

when I was .......ashamed

hiding in a life I wish I never made

you were on the cross

my god

MY GOD

all along.........................................

all along......................

you were on the cross

you died for us

all along

you were on the cross

victorious

all along

YOU WERE THERE

in all of my suffering

and YOU WERE THERE

in doubt and in fear

I'm waiting on the dawn to reappear.....

2009-12-21T14:10:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas from my family to yours.

Contrary to popular belief, through my own doing, I am capable of being something other than a scrooge at Christmas.

Here's my traditional point form update of what we've been up to lately:

US:

-Learning more and more about love/respect/forgiveness/leaning/leading/following/growing/honesty/letting go and finally....letting God, than ever before.

-Taking it easy (as much as we can) this Christmas, and enjoying the time we spend together.

-Hubby has a new position, which provides much needed stability, and much more time at home.

-Wife is finally getting back on track with house duties, and finding her way back into the Matrix, but, still carrying the knowledge that comes from being unplugged ; )

DAUGHTER:

-Is now 9.

-Had an amazing birthday party with her little friends at the new Shaw Center pool, complete with TONS of swimming, cupcakes cookies and hot chocolate, and NO presents!!

-Got a Nintendo DS from two wicked awesome parents, who's hearts were deeply touched when she opened it, and cried!

-Is now at her other parents house spending the first half of Christmas vaca with them, enjoying the blessing of having so many people who love her tons.

-Is starting to enter into tweeny convo with me at bedtime, and I'm so blessed to be able to openly and freely talk, share and connect with her in those times.

THE BOY:

-Is the pure definition of Savage Monkey.

-Never sits still.

-Is always into something.

-Is talking up a storm, and guess what, never stops talking, ever.

-Occasionally throws himself into laugh attacks while in bed, with the lights off, all alone.

-Has been doing AMAZING waiting patiently for his "grimace pwesents" that have been wrapped up under the tree for weeks and weeks.

-Loves to help with laundry, and other chores, but becomes bored with them five seconds in and runs away.

-Is the cat's pajamas, and has this magical ability to be the cutest most sweetest thing in the whole wide world, which prevents his own death, most likely by mommy, on the days when she wants to throw him out into the snow.

THE END.

Looking for xmas spirit? You've visited the wrong blog.

2009-12-14T08:26:00.000-08:00

Following in my tradition of bringing my anual dose of BAH!HUMBUG to my readers, I thought this year I would sum up in a list of 6 things, the reasons why, I'm a Scrooge at christmas.

1. It's commercialized.

They tell us we need to run around like headless chickens from store to store, spending copious amounts of money on this new things and that new thing, and guess what, we do. We roam around the malls like herds of cattle, doing exactly what we're told. Christmas decorations come out as early as September, flyers full of toys, catalogues specifically devoted to picking out all the new things you want but don't need. Commercials galore full of the latest toy of the week, turn my kids into brainless robots saying, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want.

2. It's not even Jesus's birthday.

Jesus was not born in December, not even close, and anyway, the Bible tells us to remember his death, since that's what He came to earth to do. Funny how the commercialism of Easter, the time to actually remember His death and resurection has been overshadowed by the easter bunny and chocolate eggs.

3. People get retarded.

People in malls, people in cars, people on streets, people at work, all retards. For whatever reason we all forget how to walk, how to drive, and how to be normal at christmas. We're all in such a rush and we're all under so much stress, that we stand in line annoyed, annoyed at the person in front of us, annoyed that there aren't more tills open, annoyed that we still have 50 more people to buy for, annoyed that it's cold, annoyed that we're spending so much money, as we stand there and listen to music overhead about joy and peace and goodness. Getting into the spirit of christmas? Please.

4. The spoiled brats of the world come out from under their rocks.

I'm disgusted as I sit around watching adults open gift upon gift, like as if they deserved it, just because it's christmas. One year, I heard someone say, "this year was good, everyone got a pretty good haul." Um, person, you suck, seriously. Some people don't even say thank you! Or they do, but it's forced and ungenuine. Go home.

People are filled with expectation at christmas, and I don't mean the good kind. People expect things, and then they open their presents to find something less than expected, us normal people can see it on their face, and there's nothing more unattractive.

5. People use it to punch in their family time.

But the difference between "us" and "them" is, I like to think family is the kinda thing that punches in the the time card everyday, or once a week, or heck, even once a month. But family members that don't even speak to you (or your kids) at all, then expect all this lovey dovey family stuff at xmas? Psh. Some people think buying my kids gifts once a year will mean they'll have a relationship with them in the future. News flash, not the way it works.

6. My daughter is spoiled.

My daughter has us, my parents, hubbys parents, my sis, my aunt, as well as her other parents, her step moms parents, and her dads parents..... all wanting to bless her. So, with her birthday being just one week before xmas, and her having a birthday party with all her little girlfriends, each with a gift, plus family birthday gifts, plus xmas? Spoiled spoiled spoiled. I hate it. And with 200 brand new gifts, you think she plays with all of them? No. I have to go through her room each year, give a ton of stuff to the Salvation Army, just to make room for 200 more new things to come in. It's retarded.

Obviously, I'm sure not EVERYONE is like this at christmas, I've just never met these people. But hey, it's a big world, I'm sure they exist.

Merry Christmas,

Love, your dear friend,

Scrooge.

Quote of the Day.

2009-11-24T11:26:00.000-08:00

Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.

If you give her a sperm, she will give you a baby.

If you give her a house, she will give you a home.

If you give her groceries, she will give you a meal.

If you give her a smile, she will give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges whatever is given to her.

So if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.

Something God said.

2009-11-18T10:37:00.000-08:00

Am I good enough?

I know you'll say yes, but if you've ever looked in the mirror and thought anything less than your full worth in Him, you know that it doesn't seem to matter what anyone else thinks. If you don't know your worth, there isn't anything anyone can say to change your mind.

I was laying in bed the other night. My husband turned over and whispered, "I love you...."

I layed there, wanting more. A great big gaping hole, completely void of any worth, wanted to know why. Why do you love me, when I don't even know who I am? Please, tell me how you see me, because when I look at myself, I see nothing....

I layed there in silence, wrestling through the thoughts and emotions that were clouding my heart and mind. God met me there. He told me, my child, you do not need hear the answers to your questions from your husband. You need to hear the answer from Me.

So, stubbornly, and annoyed, I said fine. Well God? How do you see me?

Suddenly God gave me this picture, of this little girl in a pink dress. She was dancing around and twirling, running. Completely care free.

Mmmm, nice right? No. Seriously God? I've seen all this before. I've heard all this before. The whole you seeing me as a little girl in a dress running around is not going to penetrate the thick walls that surround my heart! I am incredibly messed up! I feel so lost! I don't know who I am and I don't know where I'm going!

As I lay there, fighting in silence, God opened my eyes to another piece of His heart for me.

He brought me back to a memory of me as a little girl. I had gone to bible camp, and my mom was there to pick me up to take me home. As I handed her my bags, she asked me why on earth they were so heavy. I was embarssed to tell her, so I told her I didn't know and that we should just quickly get them in the car. She refused to put them in the car, plunked them down on the ground and opened up my bags. Inside each bag, she found pounds and pounds and pounds, of rocks. Rocks. I had filled my bags, with huge rocks! Immediately, my mom said I had to put them back, that it was rediculous to take all these rocks home. I begged her to take the rocks home, and told her I really wanted to decorate my bedroom with all these pretty rocks. Of course, my mom said no, and made me put all the rocks back on the ground, where they belonged. Dissapointed, I put them back.

As I'm remembering this, God gives me a picture, of that same little girl in the pink dress. She's pulling a wagon, overflowing with toys, some broken, some missing pieces, garbage, things that you couldn't even make out what they were, because they'd been broken off the object they came from. To any passerby, this looked like a wagon full of junk, but to this little girl, these were her prized possessions. God assured me that while it may feel like I'm pulling around a bunch of shit, that it's ok. He said it didn't matter to him what I put in my wagon, as long as I let him pull it for me. As I layed there, feeling incredibly messed up, feeling like a big mass of issues, here's this almighty Father saying, He'll pull my crap for me. He said, Nin, no one can possibly understand why you would want to fill your wagon with rocks. It doesn't make any sense! But, I understand. I know these rocks mean something to you, they're precious and sacred, no one gets this, but I do! My child, it doesn't matter what you fill this wagon with. You can fill it with rocks and broken dreams and trash, because I'm big enough to restore and redeem all those things! But Nin.....you have to let me pull it for you. You can't pull it on your own.

So, I fell alseep, in the arms of my Father, understanding a new piece of His heart. Realizing that sometimes, being strong, means falling down, crawling into His arms, just to cry.

2009-11-02T13:34:00.000-08:00

My poor hubby is losing his hair. His dreams of aging and having a full head of white hair, gone. His dreams of growing his hair out, getting a funky fauxhawk, or basically anything and everything, gone.
One stressful day, after a stressful shopping trip, a man came to my door. Hubby and children were still piling out of the car. This man was here campaining for the upcoming election. My pardons (not) to those who think politics are dabomb, but I was in no mood to care about the election, as I had more important things on my mind. This man asked me silly questions about the election, and if I would be voting the following day. In my attempt to show this man that I did care about what he was bringing to my door, I pointed to my husband and said, well he is.
The man then thanked me, and said, oh ok, well I'll go talk to your dad.
Sitting there in shock, and fighting the giggles, I let my kids in the door, and watched the man approach my husband.
I plopped on the couch, wondering what to feel. Should I be insulted that I look so young? Should I be offended that my hubby looks so old? Should I think this is funny? Should I even tell my husband? Upon some thought, I decided to feel bad for my hubby, that was of course after, I updated my facebook status to tell the world my funny story.
So later in the week, I'm at the mall buying MicaBella makeup. The pushy sales lady asks how old I am, I'm assuming, so she can get a better understanding of my lifestyle, and where I'd be sporting my new makeup. I responded, 26.
*insert very animated, loud and annoying "gasps", "no ways", "you're kiddings" etc here*
So I walk away thinking, I've gotta do something about this. I've joked in the past to my hubby about how when we're out in public with our kids, and he's in his work suit, that people probably think he's "doing" the nanny. But it's time to put aside the jokes. This is serious people. This people thinking my husband is my father, or at best, the father of the children I nanny, is just not cool.
So here's my game plan.
I refuse to remove my piercings which make me look young.
I refuse to stop wearing my bunnyhugs, skinny jeans and tshirts which make me look young.
So option is left?
Sigh. As of now, and until all my hair is grown out, I, Nin, the hair dying queen, who has not seen her natural hair color in 16 years, am going to cease dying my hair.
Why?
Because, I love my hubby, and by george, if he's going bald, then he's gonna have a pierced up bunnyhug sporting grey haired woman by his side.

2009-10-22T11:03:00.000-07:00

1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
Alphagetti.
2. Where was your profile picture taken?
In my kitchen.
3. Can you play Guitar Hero?
No, I shred Guitar Hero.
4. Name someone who made you laugh today?
Alicia.
5. How late did you stay up last night and why?
1 am, and nevermind.
6. If you could move somewhere else, would you?
Somewhere else as in a different city? Or somewhere else as in, on a different street than my entire family, like normal people? Either way, no.
7. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
Probably.
8. Which of your friends lives closest to you?
Sarah.
9. Do you believe ex's can be friends?
Yes.
10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper?
I don't spend alot of time thinking and feeling about Dr. Pepper. Should I?
11. When was the last time you cried really hard?
Yesterday.
12. Who took your profile picture?
Moi. Tina, that means me. See? Told you I could speak francais. Eh?
13. Who was the last person/thing you took a picture of?
Myself in a pink shower cap, and then my sis with a plastic bag on her head. Good times.
14. Was yesterday better than today?
Ha, no. Yesterday was REDICK.
15. Can you live a day without TV?
Yes.
16. Are you upset about anything?
I'm usually upset about alot of things all the time, but right now I feel ok.
17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Some, no. Some, worth dying for.
18. Are you a bad influence?
I can be *blush*
19. Night out or night in?
Both, at the same time.
20. What items could you not go without during the day?
Clothes, food, shelter...... Or is that not what you meant?
21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
Totally can't remember. Probably my mom.
22. What does the last text message in your inbox say?
No phone no texts.
23. How do you feel about your life right now?
That is the stupidest most loaded question in the history of questions. Moving on.
24. Do you hate anyone right now?
I hate lots of people.
25. If we were to look in your Facebook inbox, what would we find?
Messages, from people.
26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
That depends, if they were testing my body for drug content, or testing my knowledge about drugs.
27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
Yes, something like, well I'm sorry I'm not as perfect as you! (I got the feeling that maybe they were being sarcastic?)
28. What song is stuck in your head?
Weird, I hear nothing.
29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be?
No one you dummy, I'm sleeping go away.

2009-10-13T10:49:00.000-07:00

How long will take,
how much can I go through....
my heart, my soul aches
I don't know what to do
I bend, but don't break
and somehow I'll get through
cuz I have You.....

and if I have to crawl
well You'd crawl too
I stumble and I fall
carry me through
the wonder of it all
is You seeing me through

Oh Lord where are You?
do not forget me here
I cry in silence
can You not see my tears?
When all have left me
and hope has dissapeared
You find me here......

And when I have to crawl
well You crawl too
I stumble and I fall
carry me through
the wonder of it all is You
seeing me through.....

When everything I was is lost
I have forgot but You have not
when I am lost
You have not lost me
When everything I was is lost
I have forgot but You have not
when I am lost
You have not lost me
YOU HAVE NOT LOST ME.....

And if I had to crawl
well You'd crawl too
I stumble and I fall
carry me through
the wonder of it all
is You
seeing me through......

-Superchick-

CHOOSE

2009-09-22T22:37:00.000-07:00

Losing weight and being healthy is hard.
Being overweight and unhealthy is hard.
CHOOSE your hard.

A good marriage is hard. Being selfless, laying down your rights, walking in love is hard.
Divorce, and walking away from your vows is hard.
CHOOSE your hard.

Forgiveness, and bearing the pain is hard. Choosing the road of forgiveness is probably the hardest road of all.
Bitterness, and carrying the weight of anger and resentment is hard.
CHOOSE your hard.

and finally.....

This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now CHOOSE life........
(Deuteronomy 30:19)

The more God unpacks this for me, the more I realized how twisted my view of my heavenly Father has become. Life is hard people! God never said my life would be easy, and He never said He would protect me from pain and hardship, infact, He said just the opposite. But He did say I would never walk it alone, and through His Son, I can do all things, in His strength, and His alone.

I don't believe my God to be sitting in heaven, shaking his head as I fail, rolling His eyes as I get back up again, and critically watching me try again wondering, will she actually do it right this time?

Obviously, I would'nt consciously believe our God to be this way, but through times in my life where those I trusted have stepped out when I needed them, or who have given up on me and written me off as a lost cause, I've often wondered if God would do the same, if I messed up just enough times.

When I would read verses like this one in Deuteronomy, my condemned heart would hear judgement and dissapointment. Like a frustrated parent, throwing their hands up saying, come on! Look! There's death, there's life. Duh! It's not complicated! Choose life already! Why would you choose death? That would be dumb!

But how would a heart that is deeply loved read that?

I've set before blessings and curses, death and life, because I know there will be hard times. I know there will be times where you'll want to take control of your own life, I know this, because I made you! I know there will be times where it seems there is no hope, no point, and in your pain, you will choose death, not because you're stupid, because you're in pain, and your gripping at anything you can to make it stop. In Me my child, is life. In Me my dear child, is life! Choose life. Not because you have to. Not because if you don't, I'll wash my hands of you. Not because you must, but because you CAN. In Me, you CAN!

Not you must, but you can.....

In Him, we CAN choose. Not because of anything in us, but because of everything in Him. This is not God beating us over the head with another command we fall short of, it's Him revealing Himself to His children, reminding us that in Him, we can.

As I wrestle through the pain, and the death I've clung to, He is still with me, waiting, whispering...... "you can choose." As I walk this road before me, He has not abandoned me, He walks it with me, waiting, whispering..... "you can choose."

I was sitting outside one afternoon with God, talking to Him. Feeling stuck in the pit of despair, I cried out, God, I don't know what to do! I don't know what to say!

In that moment, I felt the Lord hold me tight, and whisper, "That's ok. All you have to say is, okay."

I got up, faced my fear of not knowing what was on the other side, and said, okay...... I choose.

Do you see what I see?

2009-09-19T14:02:00.000-07:00

I'm 5"4. I don't like considering myself to be a short person, but maybe that's just what short people say.

My husband on the other hand is 6"1. A very obvious 6"1, since he usually finds himself standing next to a non-short, yet non-tall 5"4 wife.

I like feeling short next to Chris. It sounds silly, but it almost feels secure, in knowing my tall hubby hovers over to protect my little frame.

One afternoon, my hubby and I were in our bedroom. He was getting out of his suit from a long days work, and was commenting yet again, on how much he liked our new mirrors from Ikea. He said that our new full length mirror, was the only mirror in the house in which he could see his head. I gasped, and giggled a little, when I responded with, you seriously can't see your head in any of our mirrors? This I had to see.

So I got up on my hubbys back, dipped my head down to his till I was eye level with what he saw. Sure enough, I could not see my head in our bedroom mirror, the bathroom mirror, or the mirror in the front entrance. My hubby showed me how he had to duck in order to do his hair in the morning.

I was amazed, for the first time, I was seeing things through my husbands eyes. I asked him to piggy back me throughout the house, so I could see what else he saw. He took me into the kitchen, where I opened the cupboards and could suddenly see all the things on the top shelves that are normally completely out of my view. He took me past the bakers rack, where I could see into all the baskets on the top shelf without having to bring them down.

It was super neat to see how my hubby could see so many things that I could not, completely naturally.

But not only did I see into the cupboards and baskets, I also saw the thick layer of dust ontop the fridge, on the shelf in the bathroom, and ontop the cabinet in the living room. And here I thought my house was clean....

What would I do without my husband?

Realistically, I would probably be just fine. I would grab a chair to reach the top cupboard, I would continue to pull the baskets down to be able to see it's contents, and I would enjoy being able to see my face in the mirrors without having to duck down.

But what about that dust? Honestly, it never occured to me that people could see that dust, because I could'nt. I knew it was there, and occasionally, I would dust in those hard to reach places, simple because I thought, I was doing something extra. Either way, whether it got dusted or not, I did not base the cleanliness of my house on those dusty places because, they were unseen, which meant, they did not matter.

Now, having walked in the footsteps of my husband, seeing with his eyes, I realize now, that MANY people can see that dust. I would not have discovered that had I not looked through my husbands eyes.

I don't think my husband was made any more special than me, just different. It's not like he's worked hard at making himself that height, in which case I would need to pat him on the back for doing such a good job. He was just made that way.

We're all born with different personalities, different gifts, different strengths. The fact is, we all see things completely differently. My husband and I live in the same house, but we see everything completely different than the other. We have a different view, we have a different perception. When working together, we can cover the top and the bottom. When working apart, we lack the view the other brings.

My husband and I will always see and hear things differently. We will always approach a problem from different angles, and we will always speak two different languages. The key is to take the time to see and hear through eachothers eyes and ears, so we can walk together and lean on eachothers gifts, because in a marriage, his gifts are also for me, and mine are for him.

God has surrounded us all with people whom we need in our lives, just as they need us. We can choose to walk independantly, and grab a chair, or we can choose to lean on one another, and walk together.

I think we could all use a piggyback ride now and then.

2009-09-07T08:43:00.000-07:00

Oh you'd better not shout,
you'd better not cry,
you'd better not pout I'm telling you why,
?Jesus? is coming to town.

He's making a list,
and checking it twice,
He's gonna find out who's naughty or nice,
?Jesus? is coming to town.

He sees you when you're sleeping,
He knows when you're awake,
He knows if you've been bad or good
SO BE GOOD FOR GOODNESS SAKE!

If this is the King we really serve, I say,
He's not worth serving.
It's sad how many of us actually see our savior as a mean old santa, who will punish us if we're bad, and reward us if we're good. None of us can make the cut. NONE.

Who does Jesus say He REALLY is?

Something God said.

2009-08-27T11:18:00.001-07:00

My butt is ticklish.
There, I said it.
Weird? I know.
Some people have ticklish feet, sides, necks. Me? I have a ticklish butt. I don't mean the kid of tickles that you can fight, like back tickles, that send shivers up your spine, I mean the ones that make my body flip and flop around, anything to get me away from whoever is tickling me.
As a side note, said tickler touching my butt, is always my husband, just in case you had burning questions.

Moving on, I also have lower back problems. They started for me when I was pregnant with Jonah. After I had her, I remember laying on the floor on my stomach in pain, while my dad rubbed my lower back. He pressed hard on my tail bone, and the noise that came out made my dad jump across the room in fear. No, I didn't fart. My back popped. My dad said he wasn't going to touch my back again, until I saw some sort of doctor or chiropractor to find out what was wrong.

So, 5 years later, many chiropractic appointments later, I get pregnant with my son. The pain started right at conception, and didn't end until his body left mine. Desperate to find answers, I visited doctors, chiropractors, physio therapists, and even acupuncture. No one seemed to know what was wrong or how to fix it. Some said it was my tail bone, some said my sciatic nerve, some, my hip flexers, and some, admitted they had idea, and gave me pain killers.

Shortly after Daniel was born, I booked myself in to see my brother in laws sister who's a massage therapist. I had thrown my back out, and chalked it up to, my typical back problems, that were acting up, still not knowing how or why or what. She worked on my back, and found the problem.
My butt.

Yes, my butt. My glutes were as tight as a rubber band stretched around the earth. She worked on them for an hour, as I layed there gritting through the pain and tears.

After that, she showed me some stretches to do when my glutes get tight, and explained that when my glutes are tight, they pull on my lower back, creating copious amounts of strain in the tail bone area.

Since then, when I get a sore back, from either sitting in a car for a long time, or using my glutes more that usual, I stretch my glutes, and voila, my back feels better.
It's unfortunate that doctors appointments upon doctors appointments later, I finally find the answer in a massage therapist.

My glutes are my problem area. I will always struggle with this. I need to be stretching them everyday, and when they get really bad, I will need to get them manually stretched and worked on. This I can deal with, because I know the problem, and can actually attack it, instead of band-aiding it.

Now this takes me back to my tickles. As I layed there at my massage yesterday, in pain and strain, my bros sister moves to my problem area, and laughs when she hears me giggle and squirm, forgetting that I'm the only one she's ever encountered who has a ticklish butt.
But as always, once she pressed through the tickles, and hit the pain, there was no more laughing. All signs of tickles were gone, and replaced with the real pain underneath it all.

Then, I heard a word from God. I don't remember always being ticklish there. In fact, before Jonah, I don't remember being ticklish there at all. My nervous system is confused, it doesn't know what to do with the pain, so it self protects, and tries to make itself feel good, to mask the pain. Obviously, since the pain is there, and very real, you will always find it if you press through.
This made me think of me. I have pain, lots of it, hidden underneath a confused exterior. I don't know what to do with it, I don't know how to cope, I don't want to face what's really there, so, I hide it, mask it underneath a self protection, that is very hard to penetrate because, my initial reaction is to flip and flop, until I'm removed from the source trying to get to my pain.
I've developed many self protection mechanisms over the years. And for the first time ever, I'm being forced to face them for what they are. Something in place to prevent God from working on my pain.

I don't want to live like this. I want to be free from this pain. Just as I lay on the massage table saying, it's ok, just press harder and it won't tickle, it's ok, you can hurt me, I can take it, it's good pain. I can only say these things because I know it's worth it.
I want to say these things to God, I want him to press through my self protective and confused nervous system, so that I can be free.

So God, if you're listening, I may wake up today feeling ticklish, and I may wake up feeling pain and strain, either way, remind me that,

You've got my back......

and, my butt.

stolen.... thought this would be fun ; )

2009-08-12T21:18:00.000-07:00

1. Who are you to me?
2. How Long have we known each other?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Choose a nickname for me and explain why
5. Describe me in one word
6. What reminds you of me?
7. If you could give me a gift, what would it be?
8. Do you think you know me well?
9. When was the last time you saw / talked to me?
10. What was the funniest thing we did together or said to each other?
11. What do we talk about all the time?
12. Do you think we will always be friends?
13. If you had to throw something at me, what would it be?
14. Are you going to write the same note so I can write crazy stuff about you too?

2009-08-07T15:48:00.000-07:00

So I'm picking weeds in my front yard, as I await the arrival of my hubby. My duties are coming to a close as I only have a few weeds left. I go for the last weed, and it's covered in sandy muck. I brush it off with my little shovel, and out pour hundreds of thousands of red ants.
EW.
Ok, so it looks like some ants have built a little home in a weed on the edge of our lawn, no biggie, I can deal. Deep breath. I pull the weed, and try not to think of all the little creepy crawlies swarming about. The weed comes out, along with most of the ant house, and I sweep the plethora of little ants onto the road.
Phew, ok, that was gross.
Then I notice, another small little sandy mucky pile in the lawn. Great, more ants.
EW.
I scrape off the sandy muck, and oh my gosh. It's filled with little ant larvae!
EW. EW. EW.
Ok, deep breath, so gross, I want my hubby, ew ew ew, what do I do, deep breath.
Just to clarify, I'm not some sort of freak who can't handle a fly. I used to have a lizard who ate live creepy crawlies all the time, I can hold my own. But for whatever reason, a bunch of little white baby ants, just makes my skin crawl.
So, I dig a huge hole in our lawn, a hole my hubby has yet to see when he gets home. I shovel up all the yuckiness, and go into the back to put it in the garbage. Upon entering the back gate, my son, who caught a huge rainbow beetle in his bug catcher earlier today, had taken the beetle out, put it on his badminton racket, and shoved it in my face as I stand there holding a pile of ant larvae in a shovel.
EW. EW. EW. EW. EW. EW. EW!
So, I kick Daniel back inside, put the gross disgusting larvae in the garbage, put the gross disgusting beetle back in the stupid container, and call my hubby.
He giggles at my female goodness, and assures me he'll pick up some ant killer on the way home.
I then proceed to cry from all the stress, and say, I feel really stupid and I don't know why I'm crying.
Hubby responds,
I love you.

2009-07-08T12:27:00.000-07:00

My blessings for today:

My hubby:
I love him, every part of him. Like hearing him sing, as he belts the wrong words to a song completely off key and sounds rediculous. I love that.
God made us completely perfect for eachother, in every way, even in hard times, we fit.

My sister:
I love her to death. I can talk to her about anything, and she somehow always understands. She loves me with a big sister's heart, I know she's got my back. I'm so thankful to have her in my life, in every season we walk through.

My kids:
My son, who brings joy to anyone around. My daughter who is growing up into the most beautiful girl, inside and out.

My friend Nicole:
Who, as I've been walking through hard times, is the only friend who has not fished for details, but instead has assured me that she's here for me, in whatever way I need her. She cares about me, and hopes that I'm getting support and advice from others, even if that isn't her. I love her tons, and need her so much. I can be real with her, and she can be real with me, and that, is exactly what I need.

Tanya:
Who loves me no matter what, and has an incredible heart for me and my family. She listens and prays and encourages and listens some more and prays and encourages.

My Dad:
Who is real. Could'nt ask for anything better.

Tina:
She loves my friend. She loves those breaky noises. She thinks Paulie Bleaker is great, in chair. Who does whatever she feels like she wants to do GOSH! And loves me in a very special way. I've been blessed to know her, and love talking to her every single day.

Sherry:
Who drinks pina coladas with me, and plants my flowers in peat moss.

and finally....

God:
Who loves me, and those I love, with a love that I could never fully grasp or understand.

What would you do if you saw your ex on the road on fire?

2009-06-27T12:22:00.000-07:00

1. What would you do if you saw your ex on the road on fire?

Depends which ex. Some I would have a bucket of water ready, others, a bucket of gas.

2. Your best friend tells you shes's pregnant, what's your reacton?

Thankful it's not me.

3. When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in the face?

Last night.

4. What was the last thing you spent money on?

Beef jerky.

5. Do you think you've gained r lost weight this month?

Lost.

6. Crunchy or Puffy Cheetos?

Crunchy.

7. Someone on your friends list just called you a bitch. What do you say?

Not the first time, won't be the last. Moving on...

8. Congratulations! You've just had a son, what's his name?

Daniel.

9. Congratulations! You've just had a daughter, what's her name?

Jonah.

10. What are you craving right now?

Never you mind.

11. What was the last thing you cried about?

I could'nt just pick one.

12. When you buy something and your change is 2 cents, do you keep it or tell the cahier to keep it?

Tell them to keep it.

13. What color is your tissue box?

Who cares?

14. Do you have a ceiling fan, and if so, does it have dust on it?

TONS.

15. What is the last voicemail you received about?

Probably Jonah asking if she could play with her cousins.

16. Have you ever blocked someone ojn your friends list before?

Yes.

17. Scariest thing you've experienced in the last year?

Learning that what you thought mattered doesn't, and what does matter, isn't real.

18. Do you wear a name tag at work?

No, I don't wear a name tag at home.

19. What kind of car do you drive?

Sunfire.

20. What do you order when you go to Taco Bell?

Mexi Fries with TONS of hotsauce for each bite.

21. Have you ever had a garage sale?

Yes.

22. What color is your ipod?

I love how it just assumes everyone has one. I don't.

23. What is the last alcoholic beverage you had?

Lime flavored vodka.

24. Are you happy right now?

I'm numb.

25. Who came over last?

My sis.

26. Do you drink beer?

Yuck. I used to, to be cool, and then I realized, beer isn't cool.

27. Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted?

Does telling me I was a mistake count?

28. What is your favorite key on your key chain?

My rainbow one.

29. Wht was the last movie you watched?

I don't even remember. I'm off tv.

30. What is in your pocket?

Lint? Jean fabric?

31. Who introduced you to your bf/gf/husband/wife?

Don't remember, probably through a mutual friend. We went to the school dance together : )

32. Where do you hurt?

My neck, from head banging. Yes, head banging.

33. Has someone ever made you a build a bear?

No. Dumb question.

34. What's something fun you did today?

I met Sherry and my dad at the farmers market, and ate sushi.

35. What is our favorite isle at Walmart?

Clothes/makeup/hairdye/shoes/kitchen stuff.....

36. When is your birthday?

October.

37. Is there anything hanging from your review mirror?

Nope.

38. How many states in the US have you been to?

3.

39. What kind of milk do you drink?

1%, or chocolate.

40. What are you going to do after this?

Kill time until Chris gets home.

41. Who was the last person you went shopping with?

Sherry and my dad.

42. What is something you need to go shopping for?

Meh. Probably food.

43. Do you have the same name as one of your relatives?

I used to, when I changed my name to Laura.

44. What kind of car do your parents drive?

Grand Am.

45. Are you rich?

Far from it.

47. What color is your couch?

One is dark brown, other is green.

48. What famous person do you look like?

Lead singer from Garbage.

49. Does someone like you right now?

I don't know, I don't feel very likable. I do know of a few though ; )

50. Say you were given a pregnancy test right now. Would you pass or fail?

I would pass.

51. Favorite pop-tart flavor?

Blueberry.

52. Do you know any in jail/prison?

I know people who have been to jail/prison.

53. What are you plans for the weekend?

Surviving.

54. Do you like the color green?

Definately.

55. Who was the last person you sent an instant message to?

Tina.

56. Last restaurant you went to?

Does getting my dad to bring me Mcdonalds count as going to a restaurant?

57. How many hours did you sleep last night?

7.

58. Do you swear at your parents?

Swear AT them? No. Swear in their presence? Yes, I am real.

59. Do you think someone is thinking of you right now?

I absolutely do.

60. What's the best lessons you've learned in life?

That when life seems overwhelming, you can always still remember, that one day, you will die.

2009-06-14T16:36:00.000-07:00

When there's something you really want, fight for it.

Don't give up no matter how hopeless it seems.

And when you've lost hope, think 10 years from now,

and how you'll wish you gave it another shot.

Because the best things in life, they do not come free.

-Meredith Grey-

2009-06-11T09:47:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

lol, seriously, lol.

2009-05-28T19:11:00.000-07:00

Are you still here??

It's over!

Go home!

-Ferris Bueller

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

My rant, for those who want it and those who don't.

2009-05-24T15:00:00.000-07:00

Sorry to dissapoint those of you who thought I was going to rant and rave about all the rumors flying around about cheating and scandals, but I side with my stranger friend Melanie in remaining unbiased to things I know nothing about.
I do however know a bit about Kate as a wife. Heeding my dear Sherry's 'warning', yet not nessesarily thinking I need it, I believe my frustrations are to encourage.

Coming up on my 5th year anniversary with my hubby, I've been incredibly drawn to Kate, in the kind of wife that she is. She's almost like a greasy food, I'm drawn to her, but then feel like crap afterwards. Maybe the proper sentence of my last post should've been "Watching Kate makes me sick" (since my wording seemed to create some hype), however, I thought "I hate" sounded a little prettier and not so messy.

It's been funny to see how every year I write a little anniversary post, about how far we've come and how much more in love we are with eachother blah blah blah, only to sound like a broken record one year later. I'm blessed by the team that we've become, knowing that we're a strong one, and also knowing that it's only going to get better, and we're only going to get stronger as the years go on.

Our dating relationship, as well as the first year we were married, was a different story. We were not a team, not even close. I think the reason why I'm so sickened by watching Kate, is she reminds me of me, and the crap I used to walk in. Seeing how she talks over Jon and barely lets him get a word in, seeing how she bosses him around with no respect or manners, treating him like he's one of the 8 kids, is exactly how I used to talk to Chris. And yes, I'm ashamed to admit that. It's a wonder he even married me....

I think even more than simply being frustrated for their marriage, is knowing that many women out there, reading the smut mags and keeping up with the rumors, have come to the conclusion that Kate is the victim. Because of what Jon did (or didn't do) leaves Kate as "poor Kate", yet no one talks about the happenings leading up to his choices. I'm not going to condone anything Jon may have (or haven't) done, because honestly, I don't know a whole lot about what Jon thinks, since Kate does all the talking. He has said however that he's unhappy. He hates being 'Jon and Kate plus 8', he wants to just be Jon, but Kate refuses to quit the show. Many have their own opinions as to what Kate motives are for refusing. Money, fame, but whatever the case, I can in good conscience say they are selfish, if they are coming before Jon.

Their marriage resembles nothing like a team with mutual respect, it resembles a boss and a employee, and the boss is never satisfied. I've known a marriage that resembled this. She was always treating him like dirt, nothing he did was ever good enough, and one day, he snapped. He made some bad choices, and she left him. She was the poor victim of his bad choices, and the way she treated him was left hush hush. Honestly, if my spouse treated me that way, I'd probably snap too.

Watching Kate and the way she treats Jon makes my skin crawl, and contrary to what some may think, I believe that the ever evil "hate" actually IS from the Lord. It's not Kate I hate, it's the sin. God uses situations we've been in, or have seen others walk through, to grow a heart that desires holiness. I desire to see holiness in marriage. I may be directing my hate at the wrong target, but such is life.

When I look at my marriage, I smile. I know we don't have it all together, I know we still have a lifetime of learning ahead of us, but I smile, because we're friends. We're best friends! We have fun like friends, we talk like friends, we treat eachother like friends. I see so many marriages, Jon and Kate being just one, that are totally barren of these things. It makes me sad, (but mostly mad because it seems to be my favorite emotion) that they are missing out on so much.

The season premiere of Jon and Kates next season is tomorrow night. I hope, I really hope, that they can work things out, however, I think it's safe to say, that if they try to do it infront of the world, they won't. If Kate continues with the show, and continutes to starve Jon of what he needs, which is respect, their marriage will fall apart, it's just a matter of when.

2009-05-22T10:28:00.001-07:00

I......

HATE

Kate Gosselin.

A small preview of the big vent coming soon.

My piggy.

2009-05-13T13:51:00.000-07:00

This little piggy sat on a rock.

This little piggy went on a slide.

This little piggy got filthy.

This little piggy screamed on a ride.

And this little piggy went weeeeeeeeeeee!............

Weeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

Weeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

all the way home.

2009-04-29T10:37:00.000-07:00

What is the time-waster de jour?

It's the time-waster of the day.

mmmmm...... I'll have that......

I HATE labels, I hate that people have labeled me, I hate even more that I've labeled others.

I LOVE summer, and everything about it, sun, brown skin, pools, green, flowers, activity.

I HATE doing laundry, and always have. I can never seem to stay on top of it.

I LOVE shopping, for anything. I think what I really love, is spending money.

I HATE that I'm always late, and that I expect people to tack on an extra 20 minutes to the time I tell them I'll be there.

I LOVE my son's vocabulary, I love that he says 99% of his words 'incorrectly', and I refuse to let anyone correct him, because soon enough this phase will be gone.

I HATE how much I LOVE Facebook.

I LOVE red wine, and would drink it like water if I thought others would approve.

I HATE expectations, I hate that I have too many on myself, I hate that I have too many on others.

I LOVE writting out my thoughts, and pouring my heart into words.

I HATE that song "I know you want me" by Pitbull. I hate even more that it has such a good beat that I forget which song it is and crank up the volume, only to be reminded that I hate it.

I LOVE having a clean house, and take pride in knowing how far I've come in regards to being a home-maker.

I HATE my skin condition, I hate even more that it doesn't even have a name.

I LOVE being smoke-free! I love knowing that I'm not controlled by a substance.

I HATE that I too quickly forget that I am controlled by many things, just like every other imperfect being, just not smoking.

I LOVE that I'm not perfect.

I HATE that I'm not perfect.

I LOVE having a second vehicle, and can't believe I survived so long without one.

I HATE it when I can't find answers, when I don't have a formula, when things don't fit in the box, and when I don't have a step by step plan.

I LOVE my close friends, I love that they know me and still want to be around me. I love that even in times where it feels like I have no substance, they will still hang out with me in the meaningless fluff.

I HATE that I waste time on the computer doing nothing, like this stupid list.

It just doesn't get any better than this.

2009-04-27T18:52:00.000-07:00

People think I've got it all together,

with the show of my sweet sweet smile,

but do they know if I've been happy ever?

Pull up a chair cuz this may take a while.....

"The real me"

-Jaci Velasquez

What is it for?

What does it matter?

Does it matter?

What do I do now?

Just a few of the plethora of questions swimming in my heart. How did I get here? To this place of questioning my very foundation? Am I too afraid to say this outloud?.......Why am I?

I'm realizing more and more how incredibly twisted my insides are, how I built my house on things that are very shaky and unstable, and now, as I watch my house crumble once again, I ask myself what's the point, I have clearly failed the house building course.

So what now? When all passion has been stripped away, what do you do? Do you carry on doing all the things you did that made you think you were doing "good"? Or do you stop doing it all hoping that you'll realize that's not what it's all about anyway.

I feel like I'm questioning what's in the very core of my being, and I'd hoped I'd find more answers than I'm finding. My faith is being tested more than ever before, and honestly, I feel like I'm failing the test.

But is it really about tests? Is it really about winning or losing or passing or failing? Or is there a world completely free from all of that?

While I'm still in my running gear (barely), I stand still on this track, watching other running pass me by, waving, some smile. I wonder if I will ever finish this race, or at least, get back up. The hope that I will get back up, and continue fighting the good fight keeps me here, although standing still, I will not walk away.

He's baaaaaaaaaack.

2009-04-23T09:51:00.000-07:00

For those of you who have been following my blog for a couple of years, you may recall our traumatic experience with a psycho robin who flew into our window at ungodly hours in the morning over and over and over and over.

This morning a robin paid us a visit.

Little does it know that we have been wounded, and wounded people do not think before doing, they react. If it does this again, I swear I'll kill it (dead, murdered, stabbed......)

funniness

2009-04-15T23:58:00.001-07:00

quick family update, to make myself feel like I actually do still blog.

2009-04-09T16:02:00.000-07:00

Hubby:

-Is so worthy of being first of the family update list.
-Is helpful and needed in so many ways.
-Treats me to so many things I don't deserve.
-Has a new assistant at work, which is soooooo good. I've already noticed him having more time.

Son:

-New fave words: MINE, NO......that is all.
-Likes to yell at people who don't answer him.
-Repeats himself over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.......
Example:
Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
Yeah?
A ball!
A ball? Wow!
Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!
Yes?
A ball!!!
Yeah a ball!
Mommy!
What?
A ball!!!
Yeah, I know!
Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
What Daniel?
A ball!!!!!
I KNOWWWWWW!!!!!!

Moving on.

Daughter:

-Beautiful, gorgeous, boys like her, eeek!
-New fave website is Happymeal.com. (and has forgotten about her 9 webkinz)
-Has next week off school! Whoot! Whoot!

Me:

-Getting gel nails tomorrow!
-Got my lip pierced and I love it. It feels so nice to have piercings again, it's like my love for my former piercings never went away. But I'm glad that I came to a place where I was happy to be just me without them, before going out and getting another one.
-Feels like I keep failing the same test over and over.
-Have lost the will and passion to be healthy, but am still truckin, slowly but surely.

A lesson through a little girl....

2009-04-06T18:53:00.000-07:00

On our way home from picking up the kids from school, Daniel hit Jonah in the face with his toy fish, hard. Jonah cried, and Daniel got in trouble. We then dropped Noah and Isaiah off at their house, all the while, Jonah is fine, but still complaining about how much that hurt, and how upset she was at her brother. We stopped to pick up the mail, and Jonah is still complaining about the incident. I reminded her that Daniel said sorry, and that she should probably let it go and forgive him. She said, "but it still hurts......"
Right then, at that moment, I realized what forgiveness looks like, doing it even though it still hurts, and even though it will still hurt, and I heard God say,

"Exactly."

A song in my heart.....

2009-04-01T13:08:00.001-07:00

Wonderings......

2009-03-30T13:14:00.000-07:00

I wonder......

-when my neighbor will take the Christmas wreath off her stinkin door already!

-when will they stop calling it The "NEW" Wired 96.3.

-why am I so judgemental.

-if I should get gel nails again.

-if I'll be able to make it through the summer WITHOUT bleaching my hair.

-what would I do without my husband.

My top ten sweatin' songs

2009-03-16T11:05:00.000-07:00

My top ten workout faves!

1. Circus -Britney Spears

2. Dead and Gone -T.I.

3. Forgive Me -Group 1 Crew

4. I Love Myself Today -Bif Naked

5. If Today was your Last Day -Nickleback

6. Let's get it Started -Black Eyed Peas

7. Perfect Day -Hoku

8. Rehab -Rihanna

9. Washed by the Water -Needtobreath

10. 18 Wheeler -P!nk

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ now I know my ABC'S next time won't you sing with me.

2009-03-05T20:21:00.000-08:00

ABC's

A is for age: 25
B is for booze: Definately red wine, although I think I may be a little too classy to call it "booze".
C is for candy: Skittles in the purple bag.
D is for Dad's name: Richard Kenneth.
E is for essential items to bring to a party: Depending on who's party, most likely order is what I would bring if it's a party at my moms.
F is for favourite song at the moment: 'In the End' -Linkin Park, 'Circus' -Britney Spears, 'Beauty from Pain -Superchick. Could'nt pick just one.
G is for game: Pit'ness.
H is for hometown: Toon Town.
I is for instruments you play: Guitar, Piano.
J is for jam or jelly you like: My mother in laws nanking cherry jam! Yumminess.
K is for kids: Jonah and Daniel.
L is for love: I LOVE doing silly time-wasting quizzes just for you.
M is for Mom's name: Irene/Mary/Preema/Mashang/Kookum/Mom/Mommy/Mother Figure.
N is for name of your bestfriends: Chris and Sarah.
O is for overnight hospital stays: Two, for two kids.
P is for phobias: Feet, no wait, OTHER people's feet. I hate it when someone's second toe is longer than their big toe. It's called the BIG toe for a reason people! EW.
Q is for quote you like: OUTTA THE WAY PECK!
R is for reality show: X Weighted!
S is for siblings: One best sister.
T is for time you go to bed: Sometime between 11 and 12:30.
U is for university: Nah. Way too cool for that.
V is for vegetables you love: Broccoli forever and ever amen.
W is for worst trait: Too many to list.
X is for x-rays you've had: No idea. A few. Who cares anyway. They just couldn't think of another question for X. It's ALWAYS x-ray for X. New word people.
Y is for yummy food: Anything shrimpiness.
Z is for zodiac sign: Blah. I'm Jordan, and I'm a taurus, and if you think you know everything about me, then check THIS out! IIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiii wanna be loved by you babyyyyyyyyy by you babyyyyyyy!

My friend C

2009-03-02T14:54:00.000-08:00

I have this friend let's call her "C"
She's always been so nice to me.
She moved away I miss her so,
I wrote this blog to let her know!

I got to spend much time with "C"
When I was big, fat and full of heat.
And when I had to sit and sing,
She'd nicely point the fan at me.

We've had countless hours of phone chats,
Where we'd pat eachother on the back.
Encouraging eachother to press through,
Trials we could both relate to.

Then came a day she moved away,
To place we'll simply call "B.K."
It's been too long since we've seen eachother,
Seems our kids graduation is when we'll see one another.

But even still, my dear friend "C"
Means an awful awful lot to me.
She's blessed me more than she even knows,
So I wrote this blog to tell her so!

P.S. My poem for "C"
Is also for "Gee"
We miss him too
And hope to see you guys soon!

Love you C!
I TOLD YOU I WOULD!!!

My 10 Food Staples.

2009-02-26T07:06:00.000-08:00

List 10 Food Staples in your kitchen and tell *why* they are so important, and *how* you use them....

1. Milk: My son still has warm milk at night and naptime (he may be our last so I don't care!), and my daughter has cereal every morning before school. It's the kind of staple that if we realize we're out at 11 pm, someone goes out and gets some, and by someone, I mean my hubby.

2. Fat Free Yogurt: Everyone's a big fan of this healthy snack. I pack it in daughter's lunch, hubby and I snack on it in the evening, and we usually mix in some granola with almonds and raisins.

3. Green Tea: My new best friend. Now that I'm off coffee, I drink green tea everyday with a bit of honey. I used to hate the taste, but I started liking it more and more when I'd have it at Asian restaurants. Now I love it.

4. Broccoli: Have been going through a broccoli phase and it is the greatest vegetable in the world. I don't like it raw though, has to be steamed.

5. Sanwich meat: Most likely some sort of lean turkey for me, and honey ham for daughter's lunch's, which she likes to take as is, just the meat, no bread.

6. Calorie-reduced margarine: When I did Weight Watchers, my sis explained that there were things you could just cut out completely, so that you didn't use points in places you didn't need to or would'nt miss. However, I could never get rid of margarine, I love it a ton..... hence, calorie-reduced.

7. Kraft Creamy Poppyseed calorie-wise dressing: Also going through a poppyseed dressing phase, where it is the best dressing ever, and I top it with roasted almonds.

8. Crystal Light: I used to be the only one who would drink it, since it was a bit pricier than other juices, and since I was the one watching my calories at that time. But then I realized, that's dumb, my kids don't need the sugar any more than I do! So now it's all we drink. I've been sending it in daughters lunch instead of juice boxes too.

9. Chicken: My favorite meat. If I go a while without eating it, I will actually crave it. We buy frozen chicken breasts, and will either bbq them or bake them. (Our faves are greek and honey-garlic)

10. Shrimp: My other favorite. It's so easy, so healthy, so quick, and so yummy. I can go through a bag in a few days. And I never feel bad after eating a ton, cuz they feel so light in my stomach. I make them in a frying pan with tangy thai sauce, and will mix in peppers and hot sauce.

Am seriously interested in what your staples are!!!

Reality.

2009-02-18T08:23:00.000-08:00

I've spent so many nights wonderin' when will it end

When will the day come when happiness begins

I'm running the race but it seems too hard to win

I'm sick of mourning my stomach is throwing up in the morning

I'm calling for help and watching it melt away

My heart's been put on display and put away

In many ways, many times I told myself it was ok

And anger was the price that was paid

While these faded dreams just screamed to bring them home

The burden was too heavy I kept running from the throne

I can't take it any longer

I can taste my spirit hunger

God please help me get home

Lord though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

I'm not scared cause You're holding my breath

I only fear that I don't have enough time left

To tell the world that there's no time left, Lord please

Lord though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

I'm not scared cause You're holding my breath

I only fear that I don't have enough time left

To tell the world that there's no time left

I've come to terms that I'm burning both sides of the rope

And I'm hoping that self-control would kick in before I'm choking off

The sin that be destroying every fiber I got

I need the Lord in every way I'll never make it I'm not

Going back to the way I was before Christ in my life

I couldn't do it I would lose it there's no point to the fight

And I'm writing this song, for the people who don't belong

I pray away the pain you feel from all the things that went wrong

Inside a life that's filled with anger and disappointment

Cause daddy treated you weaker than all of the other kids

It's annoying and I feel for all of you who wanna give up

You feel stuck I feel the same way Lord help us stay up

You couldn't pay me to abandon the idea of true hope

That I could make it through this life into a place where there's no crying

I'm dying to find You with open arms when I go

Knowing You love me and You waiting to give rest to my soul

Lord I don't know what I'm struggling for

There's got to be more

Than this life I know

But still I'm here fighting to never give up

I find strength in Your love

And You will see me through

-Group One Crew-

My sister told me the other day that she thanks the one who hurt her, because she knows that through this trial she's growing more into the woman God created her to be.
I'm not there, not even close.
But, I can see, far off in the distance, that maybe one day, I too may say thank-you.

I relate it to my walk towards health and wellness. Before I had Daniel, I ate crap all the time, and did jack *poop*. I was completely out of shape, and could do very little because of it.
After I had Daniel, I carried a little extra weight, and unlike after I had Jonah, this time, my body didn't just melt it off by sitting on the couch. Suddenly, I had to work, and work hard!
When I look at all my journey has become, how it started as losing a few extra pounds, and has turned into a whole lifestyle overload that has taught me more than I ever dreamed, I'm thankful that I had to struggle to get that weight off. I know that if it weren't for that weight, I never would've had enough reason to change, I would'nt have had to face the bad choices I was making, and I would've stayed where it was comfortable.

This makes sense to me, and I know there will come a day where I will actually show some sort of fruit! Until then...... I will be encouraged in the little I have learned.

1. Celebrate diversity! It's ok to disagree! It's ok to butt heads. When I look at some of the hardest times I've walked through, there were people who stepped up and walked with me, people who don't think how I think, people who don't believe what I believe, but people who loved me and loved me like crazy!

2. Don't say things that mean nothing! I hate that I've told people I miss them, only because I realize one day that I haven't seen or talked to them in ages, and I feel like a dope so I say, I miss you, thinking that'll make them feel loved when really, it makes them feel worse. I want weight to be behind my words.

3. Don't be a phony. I want to be real. I'm sick of this blog being empty and dry because I'm afraid of being real. This is me: angry, struggling, rejected, unforgiving, questioning and doubting. There.

4. Don't kid yourself, you are just like the people you are putting down. You may come in a nicer looking package, and some might view you as more mature, maybe you have some higher position, but in the end, it doesn't matter.

5. I am a hypocrite, a big one.

Boredom.

2009-02-16T15:34:00.001-08:00

USING ONLY ONE WORD! It's not as easy as you might think! It's really hard to only use one word answers.....

1.Your Cell phone? Non-existent.

2. Your significant other? AMAZING.

3. Your hair? Fried.

4. Your mother? Friend.

5. Your father? Fun.

6. Your favorite thing? Hubby.

7. Your dream last night? Upsetting.

8. Your favorite drink? Caffeinated.

9. Your dream/goal? Trust.

10. What room you are in? Basement.

11. Your hobby? Excersize.

12. Your fear? Quitting.

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Loving.

14. Where were you last night? Bed.

15. Your heart? Taken.

16. Muffins? Minicake.

17. Wish list item? Freedom.

18. Where you grew up? Home.

19. Last thing you did? Cramped.

20. What are you wearing? Clothes.

21. Your TV? On.

22. Your pets? Gone.

23. Friends? Some.

24. Your life? Coasting.

25. Your mood? Undecided.

26. Missing someone? Yes.

27. Car? Two.

28. Something you're not wearing? Makeup.

29. Your favorite store? Many.

30. Your favorite color? Blue.

31. Your motto? Truth.

32. Something you say all the time? Sorry.

33. When is the last time you laughed? Earlier.

34. Last time you cried? Always.

35. Who will resend this? Meh.

36. One place that I go to over and over? Potty.

37. One person who emails me regularly? Father.

38. Favorite place to eat? Grill.

39. Why you participated in this survey? Geek.

40. What are you doing tonight? Chillin.

Wasabi goodness....

2009-02-09T20:06:00.000-08:00

Somewhere in between....

2009-02-03T12:17:00.000-08:00

I can't be losing sleep over this
No I can't
And now I cannot stop pacing
Give me a few hours I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing

Cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

This is over my head
But underneath my feet
Cause by tomorrow morning
I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
I'm somewhere in between
What is real and
Just a dream

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this

Cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

-Lifehouse-

Decent human beings.

2009-01-31T18:54:00.000-08:00

Attacking Daniel with pillows....

2009-01-21T19:24:00.000-08:00

My son being my son.

2009-01-20T17:39:00.000-08:00

stolen from Kamelle....

2009-01-16T15:44:00.000-08:00

1. Your SPY name (middle name and current street name):
Jeanine Whelan.
2. Your MOVIE STAR name (grandfather/grandmother on your dad's side and your favourite candy):
Denise Skittle.
3. Your RAP name (first initial of first name and first three or four letters of your last name)
N Moo.
4. Your GAMER TAG (a favourite colour, a favourite animal):
Black Cat.
5. Your SOAP OPERA name (middle name, and city you were born in):
Jeanine S'toon.
6. Your STAR WARS name (first three letters of your last name, last three letters of mother's maiden name, first three letters of your pet's name):
Moo Ier Mer.
7. Your JEDI name (middle name spelled backwards, your mom's maiden name spelled backwards):
Reinnocnarb.
9. Your SUPERHERO name: ("The", your favourite colour and the automobile your dad drives):
The Black GrandAm.
10. Your ACTION HERO name (first name of the main character in the last film you watched, last food you ate):
Austin Protein Shake.

.....can you tell I'm bored and have nothing to blog about?

Waste-Free lunch tips

2009-01-13T16:11:00.000-08:00

"It has been estimated that on average a school-age child using a disposable lunch generates 67 pounds of waste per school year. That equates to 18,760 pounds of lunch waste for just one average-size elementary school."

A Waste-Free Lunch (REUSABLE)
-sandwiches and other main dishes, fresh fruit, fresh vegetables, and treats in a reusable lunch container
-cloth napkins
-stainless-steel forks and spoons
-reusable drink containers
-reusable lunchboxes

http://www.wastefreelunches.org/

a middle of the night miracle.

2009-01-08T17:04:00.000-08:00

When I crawled into bed late last night, very tired, I asked my hubby to grab me a bottle of water. He went to the kitchen and made himself a protein shake. I hadn't noticed he forgot to bring me my water since I fell asleep before he even came back to bed.

I was jolted awake at 3 am, and went for my water bottle. I turned over, not taking into consideration the ungodly hour, and the rudeness of my waking my hubby just to nag him for forgetting my water. He crawled out of bed in his half asleep state, and went to the kitchen.

Turns out, the stove element was on full blast, glowing bright orange, and heating up our kitchen! When hubby came back to bed and told me, we spent the next few minutes trying to figure out how on earth that could've happened, since neither one of us used the stove. My mind was racing, and I even had the scary thought that my daughter, who has been known to sleep-walk, actually turned it on in her sleep!

Upon much thought, it was realized that when my hubby was making his shake, he dropped the big tub of protein stored above the stove. It must have hit the dial and turned the element on!
I was amazed, that God actually woke me up, to tell my hubby to go to the kitchen! That could've started a fire!

So, in these days of struggle, doubt, hardship and trial, I was reminded in a very powerful way, that my God still looks after me, even in my spiritual state of 3am, feeling numb and half-asleep.

who knew stretching your glutes was so fun?

2009-01-05T20:19:00.000-08:00

"I just LOVE stretching with mommy...."

"I think it's the most fun EVER......"

"I'm having a laugh attach, cuz it's just SO MUCH FUN!!....."

"How can you say this hurts? This is like, the most fun EVER!

BAhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Oh son.......

The Life of a Stay-At-Home-Mom

2009-01-01T20:29:00.001-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3Kgj6EiZtw

for my sis : )

2008-12-31T22:09:00.000-08:00

Love you Sarah!

for my sis.....

2008-12-23T18:16:00.000-08:00

Auntie dried her hair all nice.

Playing with the light. Daniel was in the tub and thought it was a hoot.

Gasp!
Gasp! Gasp!
haha, she did that with everything.

Cheeeeeeese!

An attempt at a hug for the camera.

"Loving" the kitty.

More "love" and gentleness.

Gentleness at it's peak.

Love you Sarah!

Happy Festivus!

2008-12-17T09:20:00.000-08:00

SON:
-loves to wear his sister's fairy dress.
-loves to spill things, break things, throw things and eat things.
-loves the "puppy", and loves putting her in various places like in the Christmas tree, in the toilet, in the laundry hamper and in the fireplace.
-Is ever so slowly beginning to say words other than 'Walmart' and 'DVD', and still loves to say my name over and over and over and over and over and over and over, and when I say "what" he says a bunch of gibberish and I say ok, and then he says my name over and over and over and starts the fun game all over again.

HUBBY:
-Such a rock and amazing support as worlds come crashing down around us.
-Is officially a pro-wine maker. Took in our labels to be printed today, it is going to look SWEET!
-Is working hard so he can take some time off for the holidays.
-Is happy everyday that he comes home and find his son still alive, and gives me the love I need to keep on trucking through this phase.

ME:
-Am officially a mom to an EIGHT year old!
-Am going through really yucky times, but am still laughing and crying, both of which are keeping me normal.
-Am looking forward to Christmas being over so that I can take the tree down and stop decorating it everyday after various cats and sons take all the balls and ribbon off.

BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER:

-Is now 8 years old.

-Did an awesome job at her Xmas concert last night.

-Had a crazy birthday party with ALL the girls in her class, jumping around and screaming all hopped on on sugar.
-Is such a good singer! And sings harmony naturally! I am so excited to see her grow more and more in her gifting.

-Is spending the week before Christmas at her dads, and the following week with us, has many busy days ahead.

-Is the best daughter ever, and I could'nt imagine life without her.

-Is totally addicted to Webkinz, and has somehow gotten both Chris and I addicted to playing games and answering questions that make her lots of Webkinz cash so that she can buy more furniture.

Uh oh..... there she goes again....

2008-12-10T09:11:00.000-08:00

*Warning: very ranty rant ahead, enter at your own risk*

I'm small....... I'm really small actually. I've always been small. I've never had to watch my weight, watch what I eat, excersize to keep my body toned, that's just the way I was made.

Up until the birth of my son, I was able to eat whatever I wanted, as much as I wanted, whenever I wanted, and do absolutely nothing, and guess what, stay small. A dream body you might say? Sure, if you think that living in bondage to food, compulsive overeating and laziness is a dream come true. Or if you think that huffing and puffing after walking up one flight of stairs is something you aspire to, then yes, I was living the dream.

I may not have shown the world the consequences of my actions in my weight, but I did in my health.

Everyday after supper, I would eat so much, that I would have to lay down on the couch and close my eyes for a bit, just to give my body a moment to process the huge amount of junk I just ingested.

4-5 times a week, before I was married, my daughter and I would go on a junk run, where I would buy two bags of chips, a full order of potato skins dipped in ranch dressing, and a big bag of 5 cent candies. This was my lunch, and for the rest of the day, I would need to sleep it off during my daughter's nap time.

In highschool, I tried out for the volleyball team, but after one, one hour try-out session, I went home so wiped, that I dropped out, of the try-outs!

My sis and I used to go to Olympia, and order a platter for four, of all deep fried foods, and dip each and every bite in creamy fat-filled dressings and dips, and polish off the whole thing (and be up all night drinking buckets of water from all the salt).

One time I went for a walk with a friend, a walk, and after a very short time of a leasurely walk, I shared with embarasment, that I was completely out of breath, and needed to sit down.

There's so much more....

Sounds like fun right?

But let me bring it back to what people see and know, I am small. Yes, since the birth of my son, my metabolism may have slowed down a bit from what I've always been used to, but to many, it seems to still be at the speed of a jet plane. Yes, I may have been carrying nearly 40 lbs more than what I've ever been used to, but again, to many, I still seemed very small.

So let me ask, because I am smaller than you, because my metabolism is faster than yours, and because I don't carry a bunch of extra weight that I'm trying to lose, am I robbed of the right, the desire or even, the sense of obligation to be healthy? Why don't thin people need to be healthy too? Why is it all surrounded around weight, if you're not OVERweight, than you can't have a voice in the struggles of body image that women face? Why is it frowned upon, when a thin person watches what she eats? Why do people roll their eyes when I say no thanks to that piece of dessert or second helping? Why is it so discouraging or upseting to others, when a thin person desires to do the work it takes to be fit, tonned, and yes, to stay thin? Is that wrong? Isn't it the same thing as overweight people wanting to be thin?

If I walked around saying rude things about overweight people, poking fun at their weight to make myself feel better, there would be outrage! What if I was having a bad eating day, or I was really off track with my excersize, and to lighten my mood, I said, well at least I'm not fat! Seriously, that would be awful.

But why do people get to poke fun at thin people? Calling them names like "skinny" and "scrawny". Here's a plug for the thin people, that hurts our feelings! Who wants to be called "scrawny" or "skinny"? What about "skin and bones"? Well that sounds attractive, what a compliment! I heard someone say "just remember that skinny people have nothing to hug"...... Wow. That's so rude. I'm a "skinny" person. My poor husband has nothing to hug?

Moving on.....

I want to be healthy. I want to be in my healthy weight range. I want excersize to be a daily part of my life. I want my kids to watch my eating patterns and follow suit, so that they don't have to experience the bondage to food that tells you to "live to eat" instead of "eat to live".

I want to encourage others who are close to me to be healthy as well. I want to share all that I've learned about the human body, about food and excersize. About tricks and tools on losing weight, or excersizes that give you the most cardio or resistance.

I no longer want to keep quiet, in fear of making someone else feel "fat". I no longer want to shrink back in fear of being judged by others that may think I'm obsessed with weight, or that I'm vain because I'm "already thin".

I know who I am, I know how far I've come, and I choose to be proud of that, instead of hiding my joy. I'm not vain, no more than anyone else. I'm not obsessed, I'm passionate.

I want to walk this road just like everyone else, in a society that tells us how to look how to feel what to do and what beautiful looks like. It's hard living in this world and walking this road no matter what size you are.

What happens when mommy gets distracted on Facebook, and forgets to lock the cleaning supplies cupboard....

2008-12-02T07:57:00.000-08:00

My thankful list for today:

-Vacuums
-grocery stores that sell more Comet

CRAZY!

2008-11-27T11:00:00.000-08:00

I didn't cheat once, although I was tempted with a couple. Some of them made me laugh, enjoy.

RULES:

1. Put Your iTunes, Windows Media Player, MP3 Player, ETC on Shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

How would you describe yourself?
Companion (Wide Mouth Mason)

I will humbly agree.

What do you like in a guy/girl ?
One World (Tobymac)

Definately, since this song is about love. ("I'll look out for you, you look out for me, together we can be in perfect harmony")

How do you feel today?
Superhero (Sky)

Definately do not feel like a superhero today.

Our life's purpose ?
Ready for the Storm (Rich Mullins)

Amen. That's cool.

What is your motto?
The Sweet Escape (Gwen Stefani)

I don't think that's my motto....

What do your friends think about you ?
So What (P!nk)

lol! Actually.... I do care, because I am not a rock star.

What do you think of your parents ?
Unpretty (TLC)

No way, my parents are gorgeous.

What is 2 + 2 ?
What you waiting for? (Gwen Stefani)

Well? What are you waiting for? Answer the question!

What do you think of your best friends?
No Rain (Blind Melon)

True, I do not wish rain upon them.

What do you think of the person you like ?
Tonight Tonight (Smashing Pumpkins)

Yes I will be seeing my hubby tonight. Wow, this quiz is like, psychic!

What is your life story?
Matter of Time (Sarah Kelly)

Good one. "It's a matter of time, till I see your face, till I stand in your prescene and sing out your praise..."

What do you want to be when you grow up ?
So Blessed (Mariah Carey)

Hehe, definately, could'nt have said it better myself.

What do you think when you see the person you like ?
Don't call me Baby (Madison Ave.)

My hubby can call me baby.

What will they play at your funeral ?
When I Pray (Darrell Evans)

That would be a pretty upbeat song to play at a funeral, but I'm glad it would speak of the power of prayer.

What is your hobby/interest ?
Lay it Down (Nichole Nordeman)

I wish this was my hobby and interest, sadly it is not.

What is your biggest fear ?
Happy Now (No Doubt)

This one makes no sense.

What is your biggest secret ?
Everywhere We Go (Newsboys)

Where ever I go, that's where the party's at.

What do you think of your friends ?
4 Minutes (Madonna/Justin Timberlake)

I agree, time is ticking. The road to hell is paved with good intentions..... so wake up!

What song best describes you ?
Pleasantly Blue (4 Non Blondes)

I actually think this describes me to a tee. Not sure if that's good or bad.

What song best describes your crush ?
You lift me up (Rachel Lampa)

My hubby does lift me up!

What did you think of this quiz?

Crazy (Alanis Morisette)

Ha...... yeah....

Hello my name is Nin and I'm a horrible Blogger.

2008-11-23T08:16:00.000-08:00

I'm processing a TON, and I promise, someday I will actually post something with meat.... or at least some sort of solid food, but until then, another pointed update.

SON:

-loves picking his nose and finding "poo poo's".

-WILL NOT leave the poor kitty alone, who's name according to him is "puppy".

-is doing surprisingly well with the tree.

-likes to climb into the bathroom sink and turn the hot water on.

-thinks it's facinating that I turn and say "yes?" when he says my name over and over and over and over....
-still loves to draw on walls, and backs of doors with black eyeliner.

-loves the snow, and going "bye bye", especially for "nums nums" at "mar-mart".

DAUGHTER:

-is so beautiful.

-counting down the sleeps till her birthday (23 more sleeps till she's 8!!)

-loves Pokemon and Bakugan, both of which I know nothing about.

-loves to play school on the wipeboard.

-her teacher had only perfect things to share with us at our parent-teacher interview (which didn't surprise us) ; )

-gets to set up my grandpa's little Christmas tree in her room! and is super pumped!

ME/HUBBY/ME & HUBBY:

-love lifting eachother up, love that we fit so well together, love that we're a team through it all.

-love seeing how I'm becoming more like him, and he's becoming more like me.

-am getting annoyed with the cat already..... and hubby won't let me complain.
-as far as we can tell, hubby's allergies have been healed!

-am I the only one? or does it not feel like Christmas?

Daughter's tradition.....

Our Christmas idol, as well as my excuse to be as anal as I truly am.

One of my good friends from highschool came over with her boyfriend for supper/games Friday night. It was a blast, we shared many laughs, especially when the yearbook came out. I needed that...... Thanks Liz : )

us.........

2008-11-09T20:21:00.000-08:00

Me:

-was asked by a mother at daughter's school where my Hawaii tan was..... had to then explain that daughter went without me : (

-recently put a stud in my 7 year old eyebrow piercing, and am fully impressed that the hole is still alive and well after 6 years of dormancy.

-am looking forward to our life group's sushi making party on Tuesday.

-am happy, blessed and extermely thankful to my hubby, who despite his sever allergies, has aggreed to let us have our very own kitty! (after four years of wife bugging and bugging and bugging him)

Daughter:

-has today and tomorrow off school!!! Yay!

-is having a sleepover with her cousin Isaiah tonight.... it's 10:36 and they're still giggling..... I went up there to see what all the noise was and they were having a laugh attack..... I joined in.

-is counting down the sleeps till her 8th birthday. 37 more.... what on earth am I gonna do with an 8 year old?

-brought home her Hawaii pictures from her other parents house today, in a scrapbook made by her other mommy, with commentary written beside each picture : )

Son:

-LOVES the kitty!

-is learning much about being gentle and listening.

-is cuter than anything ever, and no one is capable of staying mad at him for longer than a few seconds.

-loves Quik chocolate milk, Baby Einstein dvds, Cariboo, Magnets, Aquadoodle, bologna, and windexing the coffee table.

Hubby:
-wonders why he's always last with these point form updates?

-is doing awesome with his allergies! We all thought he'd be dead by now, but he is very much alive and well (minus one plugged nostrel)

-really does love his little sinus enemy deep deep down......

and finally....

Mercy:

-our new kitty, who hasn't had a name all weekend. Poor thing has been "it" (can you tell I'm an animal lover?)

-Was given a name once daughter came home. We grabbed her bible and she flipped through the pages with her eyes closed, hit a page with her finger and read out that word. Of course we had to do it a few times over....... since we weren't going to name the cat "Money" or "Judges". But then she picked a word....and the very next try, she picked the very same word. So... meet,

Mercy.

And life goes on...

2008-11-06T09:27:00.000-08:00

Rule #1: If you open this you take it !

Rule # 2:You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks !

Rule #3:Only answer True or False !

Q: Kissed someone on your friends list? True (My hubby! Had to add that detail. Ok no more cheating I swear.)

Q: Been arrested? False

Q: Kissed someone you didn't like? True

Q: Do you like someone? True

Q: Held a snake? True

Q: Been suspended from school? True

Q: Been fired from a job? True

Q: Sang karaoke? True

Q: Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? True

Q: Laughed until you started crying? True

Q: Caught a snowflake on your tongue?True

Q: Kissed in the rain? True

Q: Sang in the shower? True

Q: Sat on a roof top? False

Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? True

Q: Broken a bone? False

Q: Shaved your head? False

Q: Played a prank on someone? True

Q: Donated Blood? True

Q: Had your heart broken? True

LAST PERSON....

1. You hung out with? Nicole

2. You texted : Nicole

3. You were in a car with? Jonah

4. Went to the movies with? Chris

5. Person you went to the mall with? Daniel

6. You talked on the phone? Mom

7. Made you laugh? Chris

8. You hugged? Jonah

9.You cried with? Chris

WOULD YOU RATHER....

1. Pierce your nose or tongue? I've had both and more, and the nose hurt the worst! So tongue. (although I would'nt do either now. Cheating again, sowee!)

2. Die in a fire or get shot? Get shot for sure.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away.....

2008-10-31T21:18:00.001-07:00

The kids had a blast : )

Daniel was super cute! My little Obi Wan. He had three small "moments". First when he saw Noah's ninja mask, second when he saw some mans funny hair-d0 (who wasn't even wearing a costume, he just had crazy hair), and last when he ran into his nemisis Darth Vader while making his rounds. Understandibly so, since Darth is the one who kills him. But he caught on very quick. He would close the door as soon as the people would give him his candy, and say "bye".

My poor poor little princess Leia....... came home sick yesterday with a sore tummy and bit of a fever. She went to school for the afternoon today because it was "fun day", and there was no way a little fever was stopping her from partaking. Unfortunately, I think she really pushed herself today, hence why the trick or treating ended slightly early and she came home with a tummy ache and a strong desire for bed. Although before the sore tummy set in, she had tons of fun. All her friends kept asking her who the heck she was, but of course all the moms and dads knew, and told her she had the best costume ever. (one man even said, she was after his heart! Weeeeeird)

All in all it was really fun! And I'm so blessed to have such amazing and cute kids, to call mine!

P.S. I made the costumes all by myself!!!

P.P.S. This is a very big deal, since I've never done any such thing before in my life.

P.P.P.S. We were the fave house on the block..... we gave out cans of pop!

P.P.P.P.S..........I dunno. I'm done I guess. I got nothin.

A catch-up picture post

2008-10-26T11:47:00.000-07:00

Gasp! Baby!!!

Mommy's shampoo and conditioner all over the floor...

and all over baby....

My little princess came home to us on Friday evening! I was so happy! We hugged and hugged and hugged and hugged. She was so brown! She hadn't slept for basically two days, but in the excitement of finally being home she found a reserve of energy, alot of energy. It was wonderful.

She bought us all presents! This is my new shirt, I was so blessed that I cried. She got me a little container of sand from the beach, shirts for Daniel and Chris, magnets, toys, and a necklace. She found a coral in the ocean and put it in her fishtank. I can't wait to get pictures from her other parents, to see all her Hawaian adventures.

My little jet-lagged girl slept until 1pm! She was shocked and giggly to hear she slept through breakfast and lunch! She woke up just in time for her Welcome Home party!

We had Hawaian music playing the background,

and a "pin the Jonah on the island" game.

It was a hit, espeically when Jonah ended up in the tree or the sun.

It stopped raining just in time for us to go outside and hit the Flip-Flop pinyata!

Noah the strongest....

and Isaiah the giggliest.

Us out for my birthday/Jonah's welcome home supper. Color contrast much?

Daddy and Repunzel, who also joined us at supper.

We went to Ruckers after supper and all got addicted to Deal or No Deal.

The Crime....

The gettaway....

Caught, green-handed.

Good morning sleepy-head! I was so anxious to see her again that I finally woke her at 11.

The 'Fro.

Back to school already!

The statue.

The new hanging chair from my trip to Ikea!

My son's new fave.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENNY!!!!

2008-10-18T21:03:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to Jenny......
and happy birthday to ME TOO!

Thank you for letting me copy your birthday.

MY BEEF FOR TODAY

2008-10-15T12:24:00.000-07:00

Commercial for CentriLean diet pills:

Lady on commercial - "Do you love food so much that you can't eat less? Do you hate the thought of excersize? Normally, I would tell you to change your lifestyle as soon as possible....
But not anymore! Now with our new revolutionary suppliment, you can lose weight, by doing NOTHING!"

Here's the caption at the bottom that they don't want you to see:

*INDIVIDUAL RESULTS VARY. FOR MAXIMUM WEIGHT LOSS, DIET AND EXERCISE ARE ADVISED. AVERAGE OVER 8 WEEK UNIVERSITY STUDY WAS 3.43 LBS AND APPROXIMATELY 1 PANT OR DRESS SIZE. THESE STATEMENTS HAVE NOT BEEN EVALUATED BY THE FOOD AND DRUG ADMINISTRATION. THIS PRODUCT IS NOT INTENDED TO DIAGNOSE, TREAT, CURE OR PREVENT ANY DISEASE.

So, let's cut to the chase, let's not beat around the bush and sugar coat what's being said.
DO NOTHING, don't bother getting healthy. Don't work your heart muscle, which is the most important muscle in your body. Don't eat well, and fill your body with all the vitamins and nutrients it needs. Eat whatever you want, and, eat as much as you want. If food is a god in your life, so what. If laziness rules over your days, so what.
Do all this and we can barely guarantee you these results:
In 8 weeks, which is two whole months, you can lose nearly 4 pounds. FOUR pounds.....in 2 months...... (Which is probably less than what you could lose in ONE week if you were eating healthy and in moderation and excersizing)

Note, they tell you to do nothing, but also tell you in the fine print that if you do nothing, you will not get desired results.

People!! Eat WELL, live WELL, get some excersize, say no to the second helping, stop eating crap like fast and fried foods (or only eat them once in a while), cut down on your sugar.....and guess what, you will lost weight. It's not rocket science! There are no quick fixes, it takes work. And it's hard work, no doubt about that! There are no pills or even programs out there that will change you without you having to walk in change. It took one step in front of the other to get to where you are, and it will take one step in front of the other in the opposite direction to get to where you want to be.
It saddens me to see on so many commercials, billboards and magazines, the reality that we live in a quick fix society, that doesn't care about out character, it cares about our comfort and outter shell.

Phew.....there, that's it.

Big picture post

2008-10-11T13:05:00.000-07:00

Missing my girl....

Only 6 more sleeps till she comes home!!

Her and I at the Peter Pan ballet for our last night together.

The poddling.
Anyone who knows what that is gets a prize.

Doing the dishes.

"HUH?"

Onto the road-trip!......

(my appologies to my Fakebook friends who have checked out these pics already. Oops, did I say Fakebook? I mean FACEbook.)

And we're off!

Our only mishap on the way there.

Yes, the mirror came off, and yes, we finally got it back on.

West Ed Mall awaits us!

Nicole: "You didn't tell me this went upside down!! I'm scared!"

Me: "Don't worry, no one's died on this for a long time."

So how was it?

Nicole: "I don't know, my eyes were closed."

So how was it?

Me: "Rock on dude! Let's go again!"

Where's the party?

My poor poor shopped out feet....

And no I don't have a pinky toenail.

S'up.

Another day of shopping here we come.

A statement I can stand on.

I already want to go back..... oh Ikea, how I love thee, let me count the ways...

Auntie Leanne....

and Uncle Gord. My two faves.

Chillin.

The bush chair.

The freak of the week.

The new walk.

Enough pictures already!!

No.

Home awaits us..... a bittersweet road.

Family Feud.

2008-10-08T08:32:00.000-07:00

Family Feud.

I love this game, I rock at it. Everytime my hubby and I play together on the computer I kick his butt.
I was watching it the other day, and this was the survery.
Top 5 answers... Name something wives say to their husbands over and over.
My very first answer before they even buzzed in was "I love you". It had to be right? And it was! But guess what?
It TIED for first with "Take out the trash."
Here were the other answers...
Do more chores/clean up
Put the toilet seat down
Listen to me!

This really made me sad, and sick, to think that the top things wives say to their husbands over and over are commands, and I love you, was a tie with something as stupid as take out the trash.

Here's what I think the top 5 answers SHOULD have been.

#1 I love you
#2 How was your day?
#3 You're so handsome/hey good-lookin'!
#4 What can I do for you today?
#5 THANK YOU for all you do!

What are some other answers that should've been on here?

Update in point form

2008-09-29T09:28:00.000-07:00

Son:
-thoroughly enjoyed his birthday bash. Made us very proud parents with his good manners and cute social skills.
-is a snotty mess with a cold.
-new words include "mine", "no", and my personal favorite "Walmart".
-has a personality type that needs and desires boundaries and structure. Am blessed that I'm able to stay home and give that to him.

Precious daughter:
-leaves in 3 sleeps to Hawaii!
-is going to be gone for 16 days, the longest she's ever been away, and obviously, the farthest.
-finally lost the tooth that was hanging by a thread, or as Ren & Stimpy might put it, a nerve ending.
-is trading Pokemon cards at school today.
-is now taking voice lessons every Thursday. I'm so excited to see her gifting grow and mature, as it's obvious she was born to sing.

Me:
-starting to FREAK OUT about daughter leaving!
-trying to focus on being excited about my shopping trip to Edmonton to get me through these next couple days.
-questioning many things, but am learning...
-recently learned that I have excema, and believe the breakouts I've had were caused by stress. Have broken out again...
-ran with my sis last night, and it was AWESOME! I left my body as wind on the last sprint, and felt like I could run forever (until I stopped of course, and the burning heat in my face set in)

Hubby:
-still makes me laugh everyday.
-may be entering into new territory in his business, praying that God continues to lead us.
-is pouring into his family, loves them so much, encourages me to love deeper and see greater.
-always gets ripped off on these point form updates, because all I can ever think of to say is how awesome he is.
-is awesome.

God:
-is never ending.
-is loving, patient, merciful.
-loves me in my weaknesses, gently pushes me to greater heights, sees all that I could, sees the finished product, knows where I'm at, and loves me the same.
-forgives me, over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over....
-asks that I do the same.

Daniel Paniel Waniel, a monkey trapped within a boy

2008-09-20T19:45:00.000-07:00

-1 Month

Impatiently waiting.

Not knowing if it was a boy or a girl, but knowing our lives were going to completely change.

0 Months

"it's a boy!! it's a boy!! it's a boy!!" were the first words my husband screamed, as he witnessed the birth of his first born.

1 Month
This was when he broke out in his baby acne, a taste of whats to come I'm sure.

2 Months

Our first photo shoot. I took so many pictures this night. Good thing his vision is still intact from all the flashes.

3 Months

So proud of our little God-chaser, praying already.

4 Months

This was when he got really chubby and incredibly solid.

Was no longer nervous at all to see my daughter or my sister kids handle him, I knew he could hold his own.

5 Months

He used to sit in this chair and play forever.

Try getting his to sit still now.

Riiiiiiiiight.

6 Months

First time he said "dadadadadadada"

Who'd would've thought we'd still be waiting for him to speak.

7 Months

His baby dedication, all dressed up.

8 Months

Food all over, the beginning of a normal event in our home.

9 Months

First time pulling up in his crib, such a proud little man.

10 Months

Again with the food, his passion, his joy.

11 Months

New shoes.

12 Months

Trying on his way-too-big rubber boots.

The beginning of a new obsession with shoes (just like his mommy)

13 Months

Walking!!

14 Months

Christmas stickers are fun!

15 Months

I so miss these slippers! They were so cute!

16 Months

Now there's the mischeveous look I've come to know and love!

17 Months

At Faith's birthday party.

"I wandered around the whole time scamming food from various tables and plates."

18 Months

Very first comb-over.

"Get it out of your system mom, soon I'll be old enough to know comb-overs are for geeks and nerds."

19 Months

Very first all-terrain-vehicle.

20 Months

Plane? Bird? Nope...

It's Super Man! (with a soggy diaper)

21 Months

New sandbox!

22 Months

First mohawk, with love from daddy.

23 Months

Rawr!

"I love my cars!!"

2 Years,

24 Months,

104 Weeks,

730 Days

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

to my micheveous, spunky, energenic, off-the wall, cute, bestest, curious, smart, funny, hillarious, entertaining, trusting, serious, expressionless, boyish, animated, bouncy, beautiful, quirky, copy-cat, barrel of monkeys, stinker, goofy, weird, independant, amazing, enjoyable, blessing....

named:

Mr. Daniel Paniel Waniel.

Join us in saying Happy Birthday

(one day late *blush*)

I am really appreciating my family these days. I love them so much, faults and flaws, no matter what!

2008-09-18T11:49:00.000-07:00

We are Family!

I've got all my sisters with me!

We are Family!

Get up everybody and sing!

Everyone can see we're together

As we walk on by

and we fly just like birds of a feather

I won't tell no lie

all of the people around us they say

Can they be that close

Just let me state for the record

We're giving love in a family dose

Living life is fun and we've just begun

To get our share of the world's delights

high hopes we have for the future

And our goal's in sight

no we don't get depressed

Here's what we call our golden rule

Have faith in you and the things you do

You won't go wrong

This is our family Jewel

COUNTDOWN

2008-09-16T09:23:00.000-07:00

17 more sleeps till we find new mischief in a new city, and spend a ton of money we should'nt be spending on shopping, shopping and more shopping. Cheers.

16 more sleeps till my daughter is whisked off to Honolulu Hawaii! Where she'll see things I can only imagine, and get a tan we'll all be jealous of.

"Indecisive on whether or not I think this slide is fun..."

"Rawr!"

"Clowning around"

And last but definately not least, 3 more sleeps till our little guy turns TWO!

I like to move it move it, I like to move it move it

2008-09-10T09:00:00.000-07:00

"Self-Portrait"

My not-so-little-anymore girl is still loving school. She took her play cell phone to school today, saying that she would talk on it at recess. Apparently she took so long getting ready this morning because Isaiah and Auntie Sarah kept texting her on it.

Sheesh.

The beginning of a new hobbie, my hubby and I embarked on making our own wine!

Our very first newborn bottle.

The finished product.

Hehe! We cracked open the precious first bottle to see what we had just created. Of course it tasted very 'young', but it was neat that it was ours.

Baby helping dada mow the lawn..

Was cold at the family potluck, so I put on Isaiah's coat to prove to my sis that it wouldn't fit.

It did.

My AWESOME cousin Robin. His future wife and kids are going to be very blessed someday.

And last but not least,

Farmer Cleedus.

Come'on Cleedus, Come'on!

It's crisis after crisis over here, but God is still VERY good. I love how He draws us so near to Him in times like these, I'm blessed to know the Heavenly Father who loves and comforts.

In other news, my girlfriend and I are road-tripping to Edmonton in October! We are both super duper excited! It'll be weird being without Chris. I've never gone anywhere without him before. I've never even driven on the highway before! Luckily we'll be using a GPS, because we are known for getting lost and flustered. Like the time my mother-in-law asked me to pick up her dogs from a kennel just outside of Martensville, and we got lost (after I drove the car into a ditch and needed a bunch of men to stop and help me out). Or like a bunch of other times, that will just remain unmentioned.

As for me, I am totally addicted to Facebook, and totally ashamed to admit that. I still refuse to jump on the banwagon of adding a bunch of highschool people that you NEVER talk to, just so that I can say I have 300 friends. Sorry, but I do have some pride. Well ok, I have alot... too much, OK OK! I'm full of myself! There! Now I must get back to my Facebook.

2008-08-28T18:30:00.000-07:00

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away from them,
and you have their shoes.

2008-08-28T08:43:00.000-07:00

The load of a grade 2'er.

After trying on 50,000,000 pairs of shoes on... we chose these.

"This is me in grade two baby YEAH this is me in grade two!"

"She was a skater girl she said see ya later boy!"

"Uh mom, watch the road."

So there you have it folks, I had a child, blinked, then sent her off to grade 2. Her being super pumped to start this new year helps me be happy too, and only a little sad.

Things she's pumped about:

-having a "boy teacher"

-seeing all her friends

-having our neighbor from across the street in her class this year

-gym

-getting notes in her lunches from mommy

-her new skater shoes

My son:

-is reminding us how smart he is everyday

-loves to brush his teeth at the sink all by himself

-loves to jump on ma and da's bed

-loves to color on everything (except paper) including couches, walls, doors, sister's books and various belongings, and recently, Elishah's back and Isaiah's bedding.

-is turning TWO in 22 sleeps! Am already mentally preparing and planning!

My hubby:

-has been such a rock these last few hard weeks, how did I get to be lucky?

-washed 99.9% of the dishes while we awaited a new dishwasher (I say 99.9% because I washed dishes once, and I need to make mention of it, because it sucked.)

-loves me in the good and loves me extra in the bad

Me:

-still feeling much better

-excited about new seasons

-a little nervous, but ready to let go of what I need to, to receive the new things that are coming

Miscellaneous, but equally important:

-My daughter's dad and stepmom are expecting baby #2 in April!

-My mother-in-law is coming over to plant more strawberries in my planter (so that hopefully next year I get more than 6, 3 of those don't count as Daniel stomped on and squished them)

-I was able to meet Rebekah, Kim, and Angie on Tuesday! It was such a blessing to put faces and bodies to these blogs that have blessed me so much! I forgot my stupid camera, so I'll have to wait for my sis to send me the pics....... Sarah are you reading this?

-I am sick of doing NOTHING! And am ready to get my butt back in gear! Running, strength, getting up and ready in the mornings... Let's go people!

"I don't need a man to complete my life"

"I'm perfect the way the I am"

"I'm perfect the way that I am"

"and I hate Charles"

(-Drop dead fred-)

(the latest movie quote that kept me distracted last time we did the stairs)

Coming next...

"This, is my brother Ted, his wife Melissa, and their children, Anita Dianne and Nick. Over here, my brother Tommy, his wife Anzee, and their children, Anita, Dianne and Nick. Over here, my brother George, his wife Frida, and their children, Anita, Dianne and Nick, Tacki, Sophie, Carrie, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, uh, Nikki, and I, am Gus."

In other news...

2008-08-25T11:23:00.000-07:00

1. Hi my name is... Slim Shady.

2. Never in my life have I... broken a bone.

3. The one person/people who can drive me nuts is... my mother. Mom are you reading this? I love you!

4. High School... sucked, big time.

5. When I'm nervous... I pick all the skin off around my nails, and when I'm done making them bleed, I pick at my lips.

6. The last time I cried was... yesterday .

7. If I were to get married right now my maid of honor/best man... My maid of honor was my sis.

8. My hair is... dyed back to dark brown, I tried making it till the end of summer as a blonde... I really really tried.

9. When I was 5... I was a psycho, ask my sis to show you her battle scars.

10. Last Christmas...was retarded, and I had a mental breakdown after all the chaos was over.

11. I should be... cleaning.

12. The craziest recent event was... my son keeping us up all night with a mysterious fever and a big huge fat lip from a big fall yesterday.

13. If I were a character on 'Friends' I'd be... probably Monica, anal, anal and more anal.

14. By this time next year... I will be sending a little girl off to grade THREE and planning a birthday party for a soon-to-be THREE year old! *shutter* time goes by fast enough, I don't wanna think that far ahead.

15. My current pet peeve... by current do you mean my entire life? Being interupted and having to repeat myself. Does this world not understand yet after all this time that it revolves around me??

16. I have a hard time understanding... compulsive liars. Have I said that already?

17. There's this girl I know who... Would be annoyed if I gossiped about her all over the internet.

18. You know I like you when... I say, "I like you."

19. If I won an award, the first person I would thank would be... my Lord and Savior, only I would mean it for real, not just say it to be cool.

20. Take my advice... There is a better life.

21. My ideal breakfast... Kashi Go Lean Crunch.

22. If you visited the place I was born... you would be weird, it's just a plain ol' hospital.

23. I plan to visit someone... later today, unannounced, uninvited, and expect them to make me coffee. Sarah are you reading this?

24. If you spend the night at my house... I would hope you leave by morning, I like my space (just kidding, you could stay till lunch)

25. I'd stop my wedding if... I was a crazy bridezilla and something didn't go my way, but, I wasn't one of those.

26. The world could do without... a heck of a lot of things.

27. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than... lick the belly of a cockroach. Ew!

28. Most recent thing I've bought myself... some jeans from Value Village.

29. Most recent thing someone else bought for me... a bottle of wine from my hubby.

30. My favorite blonde is... My sis.

31. My favorite brunette is... My daughter.

32. My favorite redhead is... I don't know any redheads.

33. My middle name is... Jeannine (Jeannie for Sarah)

34. This morning I... didn't shower until noon *blush*

35. Living things I would like to see flying besides birds are... People.

36. Once, at a bar... no comment, I don't go to bars.

37. Last night... I watched Friends.

38. There's this guy I know who... is amazing, and all mine!

39: I don't know... how many states there are... inside joke. No I do.

40. A better name for me would be... Laura. Don't you think?

41. My birthday is... October 18th.

42. What I really want for Valentine's Day is... nothing, I still think Valentine's Day is dumb.

43. I'm wearing... clothes.

Moving on....

I'm doing much better these days. God faithful and He is good. I have hope, hope that His plans for us are much greater, much brighter and much bigger than I know. Thank you for your prayers. Please continue to pray for my moms health.

And... please give a warm welcome to the newest addition to our kitchen,

Finally! A dishwasher! An answer to our prayers straight from heaven, God blessed us with this dishwasher, FOR FREE. You have no idea how amazing it feels to have my kitchen back. Such a weight has been lifted. I hate when things aren't in order. *insert big sigh of relief here*

Blessings, have an amazing day!

Us, us and us

2008-08-21T12:09:00.000-07:00

"You're saying this isn't a face mask?"

"Oops! My bad."

The bestest kids in the world.

Us.

Us.

Sigh... my tebeebeeness.

These last weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions. So much to take in and process. Everything in me wants to run away, and some days I did, and some days I do. I'm hating that I keep checking out, getting quiet, zoning out. This isn't like me, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I talk (and talk and talk and talk), and I'm supposed to feel better when I cry. So far, I'm just crying.

Life keeps on going, people keep on living, responsibilties keep on coming, and I just wish the world for stop for a sec, and let me breathe.

Please pray for my family as the Lord leads you. We are walking through some very hard times. I refuse to check out to the point of having no hope.... although, I am close. I feel very tired. I know my spirit needs rest, not sleep. I am thankful for the people in my life who are helping keep me awake.

In other news,

I washed a load yesterday, and mixed the colored's with the whites. *gasp* I was taught to think this was pure evil, and must never be done. I felt so rebellious and irreponsible placing the mixed clothes in the washer, and said a little prayer for protection as I turned it on. But here's the thing, I only had one load, and it was all done and put away so fast! Instead of waiting for there to be enough dirty clothes to fill two loads (and a husband politely asking, "honey? do I have any clean socks?") I just did one, and it was wonderful! My sis has been trying to convince me to do this forever. This may all seem silly to some, but laundry is forever rulling my life. Yesterday, I felt I won.

Something I needed to be reminded of today...

2008-08-14T08:16:00.000-07:00

To: YOU
Date: TODAY
From: GOD
Subject: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE

This is God. Today I will be handling all of your problems for you. I do not need your help. So, have a nice day. I love you.

P.S. And, remember...
If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it yourself! Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. I will get to it in MY TIME.
I love you.
xoxo

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS

2008-08-09T11:13:00.000-07:00

This morning, added to my list of things I can do:

Run 20 flights of stairs, 3 times

That's 60 baby!

Us: Infinity

Radisson: 0

Thanks for twisting my arm of steel Sarah, hopefully it gets good and rubbery soon. Love ya!

Was this worth the time it took?

2008-08-01T11:52:00.000-07:00

3 things

3 things that scare me:

1. Scary movies

2. Feeling satisfied with mediocrity

3. The thought of having another baby. THERE! I said it....

3 people that make me laugh:

1. My hubby, who still knows how to make me laugh the same way he did when we dated

2. My sis, with whom I've shared some of my best laugh attacks with. Did I just say whom?

3. Anyone getting physically hurt. Yeah, I'm sick that way. Like the time I closed my hubby's hand in a sliding van door, or the time my sis slammed her foot in the back door, priceless

3 things I love:

1. Jesus, His unconditional love, His mercy and forgiveness, and the fact that I can come as I am

2. The rush I feel from eating well and exercising

3. My son joyfully jumping in his bed after he wakes up

3 things that I hate:

1. Yucky dirty germ and bacteria-filled disgusting public bathrooms

2. Washing dishes by hand

3. That I'm always late

3 things I don't understand:

1. Compulsive liars who lie for the sake of lying, and people who live their lives in secret. Why people? Why?

2. Anything to do with math, calculus, physics, chemistry, history.... pretty much anything they teach you in school

3. What my hubby is talking about half the time, but I smile and nod anyway

3 things on my floor:

1. My sons toys, that are slowly eating up my entire living room

2. My dishwasher, laying on it's side taken apart, because we were sick of the BLARING loud noise it made everytime we turned it on. Did I mention I hate washing dishes by hand?

3. Our new couches, who have recovered from the traumatic pen incident, with some therapy and medication

3 things I am doing right now:

1. Trying to finish this gosh-darn forsaken post, which has taken me days

2. Thinking of all the things we need to get done around here

3. Wasting time

3 things I want to do before I die:

1. Become more like the Proverbs 31 woman

2. See my children grow up to know and love the Lord

3. Become one of those cool old couples that young people look at and think, when I'm that old, I want to be like that

3 things I can do:

1. Write a song

2. Quote movies on command

3. Run up 20 flights of stairs, twice

3 things that describe my personality:

1. Emotional and sensitive

2. Sees things half empty, and likes to prepare for the worst

3. Can't handle the same thing for too long, needs change

3 things I think you should listen to:

1. ME! Because hey, it's my blog

2. Your parents. Yes, I think they may know a thing or two, and if you don't think so, stop being a punk!

3. The voice in your head that tells you you're better than this, because chances are, you are, and chances are, that's God

3 things I don't think you should listen to:

1. The other voice in your head that says you're not good enough, you're not worth anything, and you need to be, do or give something to receive real love

2. Country music

3. Country music. Really people, it's not even music

3 Favorite foods:

1. Crab and artichoke dip at 2nd Ave Grill

2. Shrimp, crab and scallops

3. Anything chicken, and chicken anything, my fave meat

3 beverages I drink regularly:

1. Coffee coffee and more coffee

2. Espresso, because we just got an espresso machine, and it turns out I wasn't getting enough caffeine in my system from the regular coffee

3. Crystal Light

3 shows I watch:

1. SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE BABY!

2. Friends, Friends and more Friends. Episodes I've seen over and over still make me laugh

3. SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE BABY!

No, it was not worth the time it took.